LATEST STORIES FROM SORRY BRO: SPORTS THROUGH HOUSER

When a Man suddenly grew a pair of leaky Milk ****

Yo Felix Baumgartner, you aren't going to find a better way out of this cynical, dilapidated world as a man. Oh wait, you prematurely pulled the chute before you broke your face, and the free fall record. Broad move, bro axe wound. [Follow me @TravisHouser] PS - When I jump off a 60-story with no chute at 43, I'll make sure to have written in my Will: "Send my...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
October 14, 2012  |  Discuss

Jeff Kent Four Finger Handshake will be a Thing Now

According to Jeff Kent: If you are a man, you get a five finger firm palm. If you aren't a man, you get a four finger pistol. Barry Bonds always wondered where Jeff's index finger was hiding in all the Giants' post-game victory line. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
October 08, 2012  |  Discuss

Greatest 8th Grade Football Photo of All-Time

6'7, 225 pound Isaiah Stokes is now a legend. Look at the difference in legs/arms/helmet size. [Follow me @TravisHouser] PS - Lil squirt (only by age) looks uncoachable. WHY YOU TRYING TO TACKLE THE KID WITHOUT THE BALL?
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 25, 2012  |  Discuss

John Clayton Protests the NFL by wearing Reebok

Just got done with my 8 reps, 2.5 sets of benching 80 pounds and now I have ESPN execs asking for my insight into the play that finally got Roger Goodell ******. They asked if I wanted to change, but you know me, ROCK N ROLL. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 25, 2012  |  Discuss

Roger Goodell saved $50 Million for an Extra Week to witness the worst play call in NFL History

I take to my patented fake RT of a sports person to get a description of what happened: RT @NFLCommish :( [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 25, 2012  |  Discuss

Top College Gameday Signs of 2012: Week 4

Flordia State is back. This must mean Jenn Sterger is present (Brett Favre call ESPN to be the guest picker?) in a cowgirl hat, coaches are screaming dadgum 10x a week and star talent is getting away with petty crimes, right? I was raised to not make fun of the mentally challenged fans who favorite movie must be "The Waterboy" or just any Happy Madison Production....
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 22, 2012  |  Discuss

MTV Challenges: Battle of the Seasons Premier was Rigged but still GLORIOUS

Bunim/Murray Production always wins. With the 6th sport, Big Brother, coming to an end, time to move on from my mental strength to my actual physical/testosterone strength with The Challenge. Carry On
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 20, 2012  |  Discuss

Big Brother 14 has Most Tragic Ending to any Six Sports Season

Loser. Winner. How? The Six Sports: Goodell and NCAA's Money First Leagues, Dana White's world, Overseas Futbol, The Challenge, Stern's Slave League and Big Brother. Don't call it an upset, call it a tragedy. Butthurt reality show juries think irrationally. A game about strategy and they chose the puppet to win over the puppetmaster. 6-1 vote? For the...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 19, 2012  |  Discuss

Bill Simmons runs ESPN or ESPN is Sexist

Tony Kornheiser can't call a broad a 1970s ***** but Bill Simmons can talk about how much he gets a big boner (most likely, 4.5 inches) watching Tony Romo botch snaps. I'm calling for Grantland to be shut down for 1-2 weekdays or a 30 for 30 on how Bill Simmons doesn't check grammar/spelling in his (I presume self-proclaimed quote) "neato Basketball book."...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 16, 2012  |  Discuss

Paralympic Guide Runner perfecting the Job of Guiding

Other than the runners, who didn't see this coming? [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 16, 2012  |  Discuss

Top College Gameday Signs of 2012: Week 3

  Breaking News: College Gameday loves themselves some Southern Hospitality (throw dem bones). 3 weeks into the season, 3 Saturday mornings in the South (Texas/Texas/Tennessee). If Rocky Top cares for satire like they do a rock. Also, do Rocky Top kids go shirtless still or they put an end to that because of Bruce Pearl's firing? PS - Keep an eye out for wandering...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 16, 2012  |  Discuss

Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. vs. Sergio Martinez Round 12 Video

You're Tebow Damn Right I post this **** in Russian/Polish/Jibberish. Guy got outstruck 322-178 over 12 rounds but that last round of the fight he tried to sneak in, typical Mexican fashion, a kill shot. NO SIREE. Not in America. Comprende?
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 16, 2012  |  Discuss

Derrick Rose cries over Adidas

Had Nike thought he was a soon-to-be legendary PG, the delicate little Rose would have committed suicide right on stage. **** bro, it's Adidas. The only thing people like about Adidas is that it's an acronym for "All Day I Think About Sex." And you're crying about being blessed to have your own shoe. Heres the Quotes he was thinking but didn't say...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 14, 2012  |  Discuss

Aaron Rodgers is All Swedish, No Finish to Gentlemen Agreements

TMZ - Rodgers enticed Boyz II Men to sing the pregame national anthem. "But before the guys would agree to sing," TMZ reported, "Nathan Morris (the guy with the deep voice) had one MAJOR demand. Turns out, Morris is a bigtime 49ers fan ... and proposed a friendly bet to the QB -- if SF wins, Rodgers MUST WEAR an Alex Smith 49ers jersey for the remainder of...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 11, 2012  |  Discuss

Is Skip Bayless talking to a Webcam Home Alone the Most Dismal Thing?

The face of a closeted gay man. The voice of a "nobody loves me and it does matter" mentality man. The audacious man pleads for your respect through his vaunt about a NFL pick'em game against a NBA reporter. Does he do it all for the money? No. Does he do it all for fun? No. He does it just to hide his homosexuality because he thinks he is awesome. Thus he hits the...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 09, 2012  |  Discuss

NFL Replacement Ref Lies Straight to your Face about Timeout Mishap

Pete Carroll is up to his old "a-little-extra" tricks. Less than a minute remaining and 0 timeouts his Seahawks run an awful Marshawn Lynch run on 1st and goal and he decides to trick the refs into giving his ****** offense a mulligan. Trojan Style. On a 2nd and 10 from the Cardinals 13, Doug Baldwin dove for a pass in the end zone and landed on the ball after...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 09, 2012  |  Discuss

The 49ers will be a Dynasty as long as Jim Harbaugh does not Die of Rage

I'm already calling it/marking it down/locking my reality show winner key in, that Jim Harbaugh will go down as the greatest football coach ever. Even before the 49ers win 1 of their, soon-to-happen, 5 straight Superbowls. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 09, 2012  |  Discuss

Worst Moment of Gronk's Frat Style Life

Gotta think the Patriots put Rob Gronkowski in a 24-hour inpatient care if he doesn't get a second TD to seek his vengeance on the next football. I've never seen a more disappointed guy looking at his own hands since the speedy black WR kid in Little Giants. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 09, 2012  |  Discuss

Top College Gameday Signs of 2012: Week 2

Brought to you by... The Longhorn Network. The College Panel is going to Big 12, err, SEC country to get a piece of that Texas A&M synchronized yelling of "whoop" and "hissss" before they play the Flordia Gators. ESPN has yet to realize Timmy Tebow and Urban Meyer aren't putting on the Gatorade sponsored pads. Plus, the Aggies don't have a...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 08, 2012  |  Discuss

Jeff Van Gundy's Sexy Legs just came to say Good Morning

What happens more after such a glorious sight: Men fap, fap, fapping or women poke, poke, poking? [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 08, 2012  |  Discuss

16 Year Old Broad Too Fat for Major Tennis

Oh, Hell Yeah that's a huge *****. Hey Taylor Townsend, stop your wah-wah about the US Open decision. They're just protecting the integrity of the boring game. Can't have a 100th seed huffing and puffing carbon dioxide all up in their stadium and on ESPN against a top 20 seed. No one wants to hear you grunt until you finish a 3 month strength and conditioning camp...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 07, 2012  |  Discuss

Did Al Pacino accept this Joe Paterno Movie Part just for the Sunglasses?

This Movie fact should not surprise you. Al Pacino rocks sunglasses all the ******* time in his movies. Joe Paterno brought sunglasses to college coaching just like his assistant coaches brought child molesting. Trend setting. Joe Paterno doesn't deserve to be played by Mr. Hooah. Get Beau Bridges. [Follow me @TravisHouser] PS - I've got Costner player Sandusky...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 07, 2012  |  Discuss

Jerry Jones: Clean my Glasses since Tony Romo ain't around

Former Oil Tycoon Jerry Jones drinks your milkshake as well. Also just like his business partner Daniel Plainview, no money left for you either. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 05, 2012  |  Discuss

Daily Schedule Change Alert: Shakira Sex Tape Coming (Yummmmm)

Inquisitir - “The video lasts about 15 minutes. I guess it’s recorded with a mobile phone by an employee who was in the cockpit of the boat,” said a Barcelona agent to whom the video holders showed the clip. God Tebow is real? Earth might as well just add 15 minutes to everyday's 24 hours until 2019. [Follow me @TravisHouser]
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 05, 2012  |  Discuss

No Leg Olympics Runner Complaining about No Legs ParaOlympics Runner

ESPN - You've got no legs, but the world wishes you had no tongue as well. The world owes you no sympathy. You drop down to #2 Blade Runner in the world and first thing you do is cry "HIS LEGS ARE LONGER." No ******* ****. You don't want real legs racing? Usain Bolt's legs are 8 inches longer than anyone else on that track. Guess what functional racers...
Via Sorry Bro: Sports Through Houser
September 03, 2012  |  Discuss
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