Credit: PwPonderings.com for the results
Chikara Pro presents their second ever iPPV: Chikarasaurus Rex – How to Hatch a Dinosaur live from Philadelphia. Featuring a 10-man war between members of Chikara and GEKIDO, F.I.S.T. defending the Campeonatos de Parejas against the Young Bucks in a first time ever dream encounter, a ladder match between Gran Akuma and Icarus for Akuma’s career, a mask vs hair match between Hallowicked and Tim Donst and much, much more!
- Gavin Loudspeaker is out to warm up the crowd and we are underway!
- Ophidian has new, better ring-gear. His mask is slightly more reminiscent of his classic one. Actually he looks like a red and yellow Xenomorph. Got a nice little jacket too. Mantis is over as all hell.
- Mantis controls the early portion of the match with a huge DDT, full nelson slam and a butterfly suplex, launching his much smaller opponent around the ring. Ophidian gets back into things with some slick throat attacks. Crowd is rockin’.
- Epic enzuigiri by Ophidian gets two. He continues to press his advantage, demonstrating his incredible agility and freakish flexibility to wear Mantis out. He takes too long on the top rope though and Mantis brings him down with a Butterfly Superplex. Mantis nearly gets the win with an Ocean Cyclone Suplex but Ophidian kicks out.
- After battling to try and hit their finishers Mantis settles for Cosmic Doom and Bryce does a Quack impression while calling the move. Ophidian battles back with a throat strike and follows with two consecutive flying double knee strikes for two. He locks in the Cobra Clutch Death Grip but Mantis escapes.
- Ophidian heads to the outside and retrieves Mantis’ staff. The ref takes it off him, allowing him to use Red Mist to blind Mantis and roll him up (the exact finish of their previous match) but Mantis kicks out! Praying Mantis Bomb! Three count!
Result: UltraMantis Black pins Ophidian (Praying Mantis Bomb)
Review: Much better than their first go-around, and Ophidian put in a far stronger showing than he has in a few months. I like the new look a lot better but I don’t think it’s the final transformation, especially as he lost. I’m with Kevin on hating the idea of wrestlers losing after undergoing a big gimmick change. Still, lots of energy and big moves here, great opener.
Loser Leaves Chikara Match
- Archie tries in vain to get his hands on Mr. Touchdown at the bell as Sugar Dunkerton provides commentary for this match. Dasher mocks Archie but falls victim to a gogoplata! Cabana tags himself in and gets several near falls on Dasher. Archie flies off the top rope, stops, takes Dasher down and starts with the ground and pound. Hilarious.
- MMA knocks Touchdown off the apron and the crowd explodes as the pair brawl around ringside. Archie almost knocks Touchdown off the stage but Touchdown hits a Spinebuster on the stage! Colt hits a moonsault on both Throwbacks back in the ring and starts cleaning house with jabs and elbows.
- Colt misses a Flying Apple and the Throwbacks hit a High-Low for two. Touchdown and Dasher take turns wearing Cabana out as Archie is still down on the outside. Dasher hits a Flying Apple but Colt trips him when he warms up for his four-corner baseball slide. Lariat to Touchdown.
- Colt’s hot tag to… himself is cut short by a big double team wheelbarrow stunner by the Throwbacks for a long two. Touchdown does a backflip just cos’ and the Throwbacks beat Colt down more. Cabana and Dasher fight on the top rope and Touchdown shoves both to the outside and starts posing as Sugar D lets his displeasure be known.
- Archibald Peck’s original music plays and out comes Peck in his Band Leader attire!!! He tags in and cleans house on Touchdown. Vintage Peck! Huge Emerald Flowsion gets two. Archie heads up top but Veronika is out on the stage to distract him. He goes for the move after a delay and gets CREAMED with an ace crusher by Touchdown for two.
- Colt gets the Billy Goat’s Curse on Touchdown but Dasher knocks him out of the ring and hits a huge baseball slide. Veronika gets in the ring and puts the marching baton in the middle of the ring between her two fallen would-be-lovers.
- They stand face to face and then start a tug-of-war until Dasher takes it away and tosses it. Touchdown instead nails Archie with his helmet! Dasher didn’t see it and rolls Archie up for a three count and a third point for the Throwbacks! Archibald Peck is gone
Result: Dasher Hatfield pins Archibald Peck (Oklahoma Roll)
Review: This was a wild one compared to your standard Chikara tag team match, with Archie showing off every hilarious facet of his two characters. The Throwbacks looked good as a team and Touchdown is pretty darn athletic, so I see big things in his future. I would have liked for Sugar D to do more than just commentate, but he did help tell a story of minor dissension in the team. Peck taking the pin surely only means a goodbye to his original persona, meaning Mixed Martial Archie or Bandalero reign supreme. This match lost a little energy during the extended 2-on-1 beatdown, but the crowd roared for Peck when he was involved.
- Veronika makes out with Mr. Touchdown after the match and Archie leaves looking incredibly heart-broken as the crowd chant “Archie’s Cuter!”
- After doing some stuff with Icarus’ ring jacket Akuma takes control and hits the Cheetah Swipe and then fetches a ladder. He places it in front of Icarus and charges but instead gets nailed in the face with it. Icarus works Akuma over and forgetfully goes for a pin, and even more forgetfully, special guest ref Greg Iron starts to count. Lol.
- Icarus drops the ladder on Akuma and then hits a slingshot tope onto it, hurting himself and Akuma. Icarus continues to nail Akuma with the ladder and then sets it up in the corner and dropkicks it into Akuma’s face, but it then falls on his leg, hurting Icky and causing the fans to thank the ladder.
- Akuma escapes a Blu-Ray and a Shiranui attempt and nails a huge gutbuster. Bucklebomb into the ladder!!! Akuma tries to climb the ladder but Icarus hits a german suplex to stop him as Bryce and LFC mock the Ick-Man relentlessly. Icarus hits a big Spear and lets out a primal scream. He moves the ladder back to the corner but ends up getting launched into it with a catapult and then hit with a german suplex.
- Akuma fetches a mega-ladder from backstage but while trying to get it into the ring, Icarus instead leg drops it, launching the other end up into Akuma’s face, Jeff Hardy style! Blu-Ray into a ladder!!! Icarus starts to climb the mega-ladder but Akuma dangerously topples it and Icarus takes a nasty bump and rolls to the outside.
- Akuma hits a huge rolling Death Valley Driver onto a ladder! He sets up the mega-ladder in the corner and climbs it before hitting a gargantuan Frog Splash!!!
- Chuck Taylor and Johnny Gargano hit the ring and take out Greg Iron! They bring a table into the ring and set it up in front of the mega-ladder. Icarus climbs while the rest of F.I.S.T. holds Akuma down on it, but Iron chases them away with a chain.
- Akuma recovers and powerbombs Icarus through the table!!! Akuma climbs and gets the contract to win his Chikara roster spot back.
Result: Gran Akuma captures the contract and is reinstated in Chikara
Review: This did not feel very Chikara, which is normally a bad thing, but in this case, the crowd and I assume everyone at home loved it. I don’t think you’ll be seeing a car-crash match like this again anytime soon, but it demonstrated the importance the iPPV carries, as well as the desperation these two had to secure the contract. Icarus took one hell of a beating, so kudos to him for that. Really fun match that you’d need a heart of stone to not enjoy on some level.
- The ladies have color-coordinated their gear. SDR gets to demon/goblin killing right away. Saturyne hits a spinning wheel kick in the corner, followed by the rolling kick from Sara. The ladies get double near-falls on Obariyon and Kodama and prepare to double team Kobald but the Batiri use underhanded tactics to stop them.
- Spear to Del Rey gets two. None of the Batiri members are hesitant to hit Sara in the face and they make frequent tags and keep the Queen of Wrestling down. Kobald takes two tries at a slingshot splash as the crowd chant USA. Del Rey avoids the Batiri and hits a cannonball off the apron onto all three! Springboard crossbody to the outside by Saturyne!!! Very nice.
- Delirious is out on the ramp watching! SDR wears out Kodama with kicks but falls victim to a double-team knee strike. Delirious says something to the pair and they chase him out of the ring for a moment. Saturyne gets a near fall on Kobald with a Mysterio-style-bulldog.
- Obariyon and Kodama obliterate Saturyne with their multi-dropkick corner combo. Sara saves her with a big german suplex to Kodama and four huge downward axe kicks to Obariyon.
- Sara sets up the Royal Butterfly but Delirious hits the ring and kills Saturyne with a Chokebomb! Panic Attack to Sara! DQ.
Result: Sara Del Rey & Saturyne def. The Batiri (Disqualification – Delirious interference)
Review: Every match so far has featured some kind of controversy, and the last three have all had run-ins, but when you’re Chikara, it works. I found it a little awkward seeing how rough the Batiri were with the ladies, particularly the face punches and the big double team section on Saturyne, and Kobald had a couple of flubbed moments, but this was mostly fine. Saturyne’s athleticism is right up there with anybody in the company, and she’s the first woman I’ve ever seen able to hit a perfect springboard dive from the ring to the top rope to the floor. Delirious joining with the group makes sense as he’s amassing an army and trying to turn Mantis’ world upside down, but I don’t want to see further matches between the Batiri and the Spectral Envoy.
- Delirious kisses each member of the Batiri on the head and they follow him out of the ring.
Mask vs. Hair Match
- Wicked evades Donst and hits a frankensteiner and a vaulting press to the outside. Donst gets the better of the brawl on the outside and lariats Wicked back in the ring.
- Donst locks in the Rear Naked Choke but the lack of a shoelace/wrist-tape allows Hallowicked to escape. Donst sends him to the outside again though and hits a tope suicida. Just call him Samoa Tim. Actually don’t, that’s awful.
- Chicanery from Donst leads to a huge running bulldog and the Gator Roll. Hallowicked fights back with the Rydeen Bomb however, leaving both men down. Things get physical and Wicked hits the step up corner kick followed by an Iconoclasm.
- Go 2 Sleepy Hollow gets two, and Donst turns his kick-out into the Donst Till Dawn but Wicked gets the ropes. Hallowicked blocks a german suplex off the apron and then hits a suicide dive of his own but… apparently it missed even though it didn’t.
- Hallowicked hits a flatjack on the stage and it appears Donst won’t beat the 20-count so Wicked brings him back in but gets rolled up for two. Donst counters another step-up kick into a powerbomb. Exploder suplex into the turnbuckles by Donst!
- Donst pulls Bryce in front of another corner kick, incapacitating him. Hallowicked locks in the Chikara Special and Donst taps but there’s no referee! Donst tries to use a chair but Hallowicked threatens to break Donst’s cup and he stops! Hallowicked throws him the cup and then yakuza’s it into his face for a loooong two count.
- Bryce still isn’t fully recovered, and Donst hits a low blow and then wraps a shoelace around Wicked’s neck and chokes him out!
Result: Tim Donst submits Hallowicked (Shoe-Lace Assisted Choke) – Hallowicked must unmask!
- Hallowicked sits in a chair and prepares to unmask as Bryce raises Donst’s hand… but in doing so, Donst drops the shoe-lace and Bryce restarts the match!!! Yakuza kick! Dusk Till Donst by Hallowicked, Donst submits!!!
Result: Hallowicked submits Tim Donst (Dusk Till Donst) – Tim Donst’s head will be shaved!
Review: This was a fitting meeting between two of the best Young Lions ever and showed you everything that both men have to offer. Donst was reckless due to his storyline gimmick of going insane after losing his cup, and it made for an exciting match with a lot of high-spots. Hallowicked is just plain great against anybody you care to put in front of him. I was genuinely stunned by the original finish and Bryce discovering the lace and restarting the match was a little iffy, but Chikara had bought enough good faith credit from the rest of the show to allow this one to slide. If the card had been bad up until this point I’d have called the ending stupid, but hey, the right guy won… eventually.
- Wicked cuts and then shaves Donst’s head as Timmy starts to cry. Wicked leaves Donst’s hair long at the back and sides, and bald on top and leaves with his cup, throwing Donst’s down. Donst crawls around clutching at his sheered hair and then throws his cup into the stage to smash it before leaving.
- Fire Ant was “taken out” before the show and his leg was broken, taking him out of this match. He’ll be out for 3 months.
- The tecnicos take it to GEKIDO from the word go and are winning a brawl around ringside before 17 takes control of Jigsaw… until MIKE QUACKENBUSH enters the ring as Fire Ant’s replacement! He dropkicks 17 and then Palm Strikes Derek Sabato!
- Soldier Ant is isolated as combatANT, The Shard and assailANT take turns suplexing him. deviANT tries to unmask Soldier but Green Ant breaks it up. Soldier tries to fight back but gets tripped and then deviANT kicks him in the head and locks in an abdominal stretch. Soldier reverses and tries to unmask deviANT but GEKIDO stop him. All ten men brawl!
- When the dust settles Soldier is still isolated and falls victim to more cheating before ducking a clothesline and hitting a saluting suicide dive to force the tag.
- Eddie Kingston cleans house for a moment before Green Ant tags in and lariats assailANT. TKO by Combatant! Everybody tags in in quick succession… epic double-teaming by QuackenSaw ends in a Rack Bomb! The Swarm clear the ring and assailANT hits Kingston with a Death Valley Driver!
- Jigsaw takes on everybody and hits a huge Superkick. Everybody is on the outside but Jig and he points up to the balcony… Green Ant dives from the balcony onto the pile of bodies!!!!
- Crippler Crossface by 17 to Soldier Ant, and they’re calling it a forgotten hold. Kingston and Jigsaw hit stereo brainbusters! Soldier Ant ends up on the top rope and is almost unmasked but Quack and Green save him. Twin germans from Jig and King!
- 17 is down and Soldier Ant hits a mega Splashapalooza! Chikara Special! Tap out!
Result: Soldier Ant submits 17 (Chikara Special)
Review: This was hard to recap, so don’t judge the quality or length of the match by what I’ve written above. They really turned up the heat in this one with bodies flying all over the place, and the intensity level was pretty high. There’s been several of these GEKIDO multi-man matches now and they’ve met with mixed reviews, but I liked this. I imagine it was kept brief due to Quack not being fully recovered and the match being designed to have all three members of the Colony in it. Kingston looked a beast whenever he was in the ring, keeping the champion looking strong. Green Ant continues to be fearless. I was a little disappointed that nobody got unmasked here, but honestly, it would ruin the Colony, and GEKIDO are just five white dudes, so… who knows. Fun match.
- Gavin Loudspeaker announces this event will be available on DVD and for streaming/download by Monday morning. Wow.
Campeonatos de Parejas Match
- So umm… this is going to be impossible to recap when they go fast… much like they do at the start of the match, with F.I.S.T. initially winning, but the Bucks get control with their headstand/dropkick combo. They begin delivering double axe handles to Taylor’s arm in succession and then hit a nice combo of suplexes and sentons.
- Taylor scrambles to his corner and tags Gargano but the Bucks get the better of him too. Nick hits a double underhook backbreaker, and Matt follows with a running neckbreaker into another backbreaker by Nick. The Bucks beat Gargano down and try to use the same suplex/senton sequence but Johnny blocks it and uses his roll-up/kick combo and tags Chucky.
- F.I.S.T. hit a double back elbow, do a little dance and then lay the boots to Matt Jackson. Mixed reactions to both teams as there’s no clear heel or face. They hit the Yakuza/Lungblower combo for two. After sending Taylor into Gargano, Matt rolls Chucky up.
Winner of the First Fall: The Young Bucks (Roll-Up)
- Nick gets it cooking, taking out both members of F.I.S.T. He chokes Gargano with his shirt to get some crowd heat. The crowd seem unsure on how to chant for F.I.S.T. after spending years booing them. The Bucks continue to employ nefarious tactics, continuing to isolate Johnny.
- Gargano ducks a charge and Matt runs into an enzuigiri from Nick in the corner. DDT/Flatliner combo by Gargano to both Bucks and he finally tags Chucky. Taylor clears the ring and hits a huge running flip dive. Chuck Taylor just kissed a child… up is down, black is white, creation has been unmade…
- Taylor rolls up Matt exactly like Matt did to him earlier and pulls his tights, smiling at Nick as he does so for three.
Winners of the Second Fall: F.I.S.T. (Roll-Up)
- F.I.S.T. go insane and hit a slingshot spear/lionsault combo for two. The Bucks try to fight back with an assisted shiranui, but F.I.S.T. block it and hit a tandem Ace Crusher for another long two.
- Taylor tries a hurricanrana off Gargano’s back, but Matt powerbombs him into Gargano. The Bucks hit a tandem facebuster on Gargano, Nick moonsaults onto Chucky off the apron, and Matt german suplexes Gargano for two.
- Superkick by Matt! Superkick by Nick! Knee strike by Chucky! Lariat by Gargano! Everybody is down.
- Sole Food on the apron to Nick! Flying DDT onto the apron to Gargano by Matt!!! That looked rough. Matt and Chucky end up in the ring alone and Taylor locks in the Cross Crab but Nick superkicks him to break the hold.
- More Bang For Your Buck fails, multiple superkicks! Gargano Lawn Darts the Bucks into each other! Wheelbarrow DDT/Hurts Donut combo only gets a two count! Gargano misses a spear through the ropes and crashes onto the stage. Belt shot to Chucky! He barely kicks out.
- Tandem tombstone by the Bucks to Taylor but Gargano breaks it up! Double Superkick to Gargano! More Bang For Your Buck!!! New champions!!!
Winner of the Third Fall: The Young Bucks (More Bang For Your Buck)
Result: The Young Bucks def. F.I.S.T. 2 falls to 1 to become new Campeonatos de Parejas
Review: This was crazy. After initially being a little strange as both teams were kind of heels, and the first and second falls happening rather quicker than I expected, things really got going in the final fall with the rapid exchanges of offense everyone expected when the match was announced. Lots of very slick double-teams from both sides, and it amazes me that the Bucks are still thinking of new combinations. I liked the second fall ending, with Taylor’s vast experience in cheating coming into effect to counteract the Bucks’ use of the same dirty tactics in the first. Gargano took a lot of very high impact offense, and I know he says his back is fully healed, but my word, that DDT! I lost track of how many superkicks there were, but to be honest that has never bothered me like it does some people. The title change was unexpected, but with the Bucks being told they’re not being flown in by ROH for a few months it doesn’t necessarily mean the champs are taking the belts and running away to another company for a while. All in all this wasn’t quite as good as people might have hoped for given how long people have wanted the match to happen, but it was still very good and a fitting end to the event.
- Archibald Peck walks past the Rocky statue looking glum as some sad piano music plays.
- An intriguing King of Trios trailer plays claiming everything will change and that numbers are the solution. Tommy Dreamer then states he will captain the first team in the tournament, teaming with Jerry Lynn and 2 Cold Scorpio.
Chikara hit another home run on iPPV tonight, demonstrating everything that makes them different from other wrestling companies, while also being completely accessible to new or uninitiated fans. Just like High Noon every match felt important, was well hyped weeks in advance, and offered something unique. There were new looks, surprise returns, arm drags, balcony dives, women fighting demons, multiple Archibald Peck personas, some live PDA, a head shaving, blood, a title change, and even a freakin’ ladder match. What more do you want? That is a serious and legitimate question. Buy this show. Buy it twice. Turn it into a paste and rub it all over your body.
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