Tonight is a special night for Main Event. John Cena makes his first appearance on the show and he will face Damien Sandow. What else will happen on this week’s show and what parts of Raw will we relive?
This week, Main Event comes to us from Bossier City, Louisiana and your announcers are Michael ‘Mario’ Cole and John ‘Luigi’ Layfield.
Michael and John are in the ring and Michael mentions that history will be made because John Cena will be in the ring tonight to face Damien Sandow.
John says that it doesn’t get any bigger than the ten time WWE Champion, two time World Champion, movie star, man who has appeared on SNL. John Cena has done it all.
We go to a video package for John Cena.
John Layfield says that Damien Sandow is a future WWE Champion and the intellectual savior of the masses. If Damien wants to be the guy, he has a chance to beat the guy.
We go to a video package for Damien Sandow.
Michael mentions that Damien’s tag team partner is Cody Rhodes and he says that Cody is at home recuperating. Cody did send a video message for Damien via Tout. Cody wishes Damien luck tonight and in his singles matches, but he cannot wait to return so they can continue their tag team mastery.
Damien begs our indulgence. He introduces himself and he says that he is here to help all of us. This moment requires a quote from a true thinker, not that he expects any of the nitwits to comprehend this. Damien demands silence.
Socrates once said that the only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance. John Cena, you are a false idol. He demands that the referee keep Cena back. He tells John that his stranglehold of ignorance is about to come to a just and swift end.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Damien Sandow
They lock up and Sandow with a side head lock. Cena with a snap mare and reverse chin lock. Sandow gets to the ropes and Cena breaks. Sandow complains to the referee about Cena pulling his hair. Sandow goes to the floor to regain his faculties. Sandow returns to the ring when Cena goes to the floor after Sandow.
Cena returns to the ring and they lock up again. Cena with a wrist lock and snap mare. Cena with an Irish whip and he sends Sandow out of the corner and Sandow goes to the apron. Sandow returns to the ring and Cena with a side head lock. Cena with a shoulder tackle and Sandow goes to the floor and goes up the ramp towards the back. Cena goes to the floor and Cena with a running clothesline to the back of the head. Cena returns Sandow to the ring and sends Damien into the turnbuckles. Cena with an Irish whip and bulldog for a near fall. Sandow with a kick to the midsection.
Sandow with kicks to the back and he stands on Cena’s head as we go to commercial.
We are back and Sandow with a punch to Cena and then Sandow with a cartwheel of confidence followed by a knee drop for a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock but Cena powers out of the hold and he gets Sandow on his shoulders but Sandow escapes and he drives Cena into the mat and gets a near fall.
Sandow with a kick to the back followed by a forearm to the back. Sandow with a side Russian leg sweep and then it is time for the Elbow of Disdain and he connects and gets a near fall. Sandow returns to the reverse chin lock. Cena gets back to his feet and Cena with a kick and punches to Sandow. Cena goes for a flying shoulder tackle but Sandow drops down and Cena goes to the floor.
Sandow tells Cena to stay down but Cena does not listen and he gets to the apron. Sandow with a kick to Cena but Cena drops Sandow on the top rope. Cena returns to the ring but Sandow with a clothesline and knee drops to the ribs and he gets a near fall. Sandow goes back to the reverse chin lock.
Cena with a drop toe hold and he tries for the STF but Sandow kicks Cena away. Both men go for clotheslines and both men are down. Sandow with punches and Cena with kicks and punches as they go back and forth. Sandow with a drop toe hold that sends Cena into the ropes and Sandow with a running knee into the back and Sandow gets a near fall.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Sandow with a punch to Cena and Cena gets caught in the ropes. Sandow taunts Cena and does a cartwheel before punching Cena. The referee warns Sandow and Sandow bows for the fans. Sandow with more kicks and punches while Cena is still caught in the ropes. Cena takes Sandow down and he punches Sandow. Sandow goes to the floor and Cena follows. Cena gets Irish whipped into the ring steps.
Sandow rolls Cena back into the ring and he gets a near fall. Sandow waits for Cena to get up and Sandow hits a leaping snap neck breaker for a near fall. Sandow with more kicks and the third cartwheel. Sandow with a knee drop and he returns to the reverse chin lock. Cena with a back body drop to Sandow and then he runs into an elbow from Sandow.
Sandow gets a near fall. Sandow with a fourth cartwheel but he misses a knee drop after taking too long. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by a Blue Thunder Bomb. Cena sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and he hits it. Cena gets Sandow up for the Attitude Adjustment but Sandow escapes and Sandow with a knee to the head and he gets a near fall.
Sandow sets for Terminus but Cena powers out of the hold and he takes Sandow to the mat. Cena with the STF and Sandow taps out.
Winner: John Cena
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the Raw Rebound with a look at what The Shield did at the end of Raw.
Michael asks John if Vickie made the right decision to give Ryback the TLC match at TLC. John says that she was right. You put the two people who the people want to see in the ring.
We go to the footage of the end of the match between Damien Sandow and John Cena.
John and Michael mention that Damien held his own despite losing.
Josh Mathews is in the back but Damien Sandow is not with him. Josh mentions that Damien handed him a letter to read. The ignoramus reading this statement and doing so while lacking the proper intonation or panache, does not deserve to share the same oxygen as the great Damien Sandow. Therefore, there will be no interview. Through victory, John Cena and the WWE Universe have proven his point. He is a false idol leading a mindless flock. The Day of Enlightenment has been postponed due to ignorance. You’re Welcome.
We see a video package for Antonio Cesaro.
Match Number Two: Antonio Cesaro versus Zack Ryder
They lock up and Cesaro with a fireman’s carry and rollup for a near fall. Cesaro with a waist lock take down into a reverse chin lock. Ryder gets to his feet and Cesaro with a shoulder tackle. Ryder tries for a hip toss but Cesaro blocks it. Ryder with a sunset flip for a near fall. Cesaro and Ryder with near falls. Cesaro with a take down and then he sends Ryder into the turnbuckles.
Cesaro with kicks and then he hits a running European uppercut into the corner. Cesaro with a European uppercut to the back of the neck followed by a forearm to the head. Cesaro tries for a back body drop and Ryder tries for a sunset flip Cesaro picks up Ryder but Ryder with a drop kick that sends Cesaro to the floor. Ryder with a baseball slide to Cesaro.
Ryder with a kick when Cesaro misses a shoulder. Cesaro with a kick to Ryder. Cesaro hip tosses Ryder onto the ring post and we go to commercial.
We are back and Cesaro with a chin lock. We see footage from the commercial break when Cesaro sent Ryder into the ring post. Cesaro with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker for a near fall. Cesaro leaps onto Ryder’s chest and gets a near fall. Cesaro with a forearm to the back of the head and a kick to the back and he gets a near fall.
Cesaro with a dead lift side salto and Cesaro with a reverse chin lock. Ryder with punches and he avoids a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Ryder with a clothesline. Ryder with punches and a knee in the corner. Ryder with a missile drop kick and he hits the running forearm into the corner. Ryder sets for the Broski Boot but Cesaro goes to the floor. Ryder tries for a pescado but Cesaro with a European uppercut and then he rolls Ryder back into the ring and hits the Gotch Style Neutralizer and he gets the three count.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
After the match, Cesaro says that your United States Champion has something to say. Zack Ryder represents everything that is wrong with this company. The fist pumping, hair spiking, self tanning internet darling who cannot cut it in the real world. Cesaro responds to the USA chants by reminding them that he is the United States Champion. He is disgusted with the people in this part of the country. He has to because he is the United States Champion. Even though he is the champion of an inferior country, he is a superior champion. As a matter of fact, his record proves without a shadow of a doubt that he is the greatest champion in WWE history.
Kofi Kingston’s music plays and he questions Cesaro’s claim that he is the greatest champion in the WWE. The great thing is that you can come out and make an outlandish claim like Cesaro just made, but he has to back it up. Kofi tells Cesaro that he is wrong. Kofi tells Cesaro that he will be facing him next week in a champion versus champion match.
We go to credits.