Originally posted on Rumors and Rants  |  Last updated 8/18/13
Summerslam 2013 is all over, and you can see the results after the jump. Pre-Show:  Interview with Paul Heyman Upshot of the segment is that Punk/Lesnar becomes no-disqualification rules later in the night. Which means bigger ouchies for everyone involved. United States Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Rob Van Dam Winner: Rob Van Dam via disqualification (interference by the Shield) I’m not saying Van Dam should be champion now, but the end to this match sucked so badly, you guys. Only in hindsight could I tell this was the WWE telling us we weren’t getting the endings we wanted out of the matches tonight. I get that singles competition and fair fights aren’t really the M.O. of The Shield, but man is interference in every match starting to seem like a cliche. It’s making them look weak instead of like the indestructible group they were being sold as just a few weeks ago. This is going to end up as a six-man tag match on RAW or the next PPV, isn’t it, Teddy Long? Main Card Ring of Fire Match: Kane vs. Bray Wyatt (with The Wyatt Family) Winner: Bray Wyatt via interference from Wyatt Family Members Bray Wyatt can wrestle, but this match wasn’t given enough time. When there’s fire, 10 minutes isn’t enough. Plus the interference from the Wyatt Family was too predictable, coming right after the Ambrose/Van Dam match that ended almost identically, except there were no DQ’s in the Ring of Fire match for some reason. Sure, it establishes Wyatt and his Family as a real threat going forward, but that could have been done in a bunch of different ways. Also, the thing after the match where they dropped the steps on Kane’s head…yeah everyone can tell the steps aren’t really hitting his head. The only real danger is the Wyatt Family f–king up and actually hitting him. Hopefully this means Kane grows a Duck Dynasty beard and is part of the family now. Damien Sandow vs. Cody Rhodes Winner: Cody Rhodes via Cross Rhodes Actually, a pretty solid match. Were it not on the same card as Punk/Lesnar and Cena/Bryan, it would get a lot more respect. Thing is, there was absolutely nothing on the line here, so the stakes just didn’t feel all that important. Plus Cody shaved his mustache. Does that count as a heel turn? World Heavyweight Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Christian Winner: Del Rio via armbar My wife really, really loves Christian, but his loss here was predictable. I did not think this would be a completely clean finish, however, and it actually was. Del Rio got the arm-bar clean and got the tap. I think so many people in the building thought at least Ricardo Rodriguez would interfere (he was there at Axxess after all) that they didn’t know how to react when Del Rio just plain won. I don’t know where this is going, but if it ends with Damien Sandow as the next World Heavyweight Champion, I’m okay with it. Natalya (with the Funkadactyls) vs. Whichever Bella Twin that is (with the other Bella twin and Eva Marie) Winner: Natalya via sharpshooter. Nice job by the WWE shoe-horning in an ad for Total Divas. Next. CM Punk vs. Brock Lesnar Winner: Brock Lesnar via F5 onto a chair The match of the night, despite the WWE Championship shenanigans later on. Brutal, brutal match with all kinds of crazy spots that managed to look like they actually hurt. Punk landed weird on his knee at one point after being thrown over the announcers table. He didn’t show any signs of it hurting until after the match when he was noticeably limping. Lesnar remains the biggest, most interesting main card draw for the company. Every match he is in is more dangerous-seeming than the others on the card. He also has clearance to receive and take head shots too, which shows the Powers that Be know who their moneymaker is. Mixed tag team match: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs. Big E Langston and A.J. Lee Winner: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlin via Zig-Zag Good palate-cleanser. Seems like a set-up for a singles match between Ziggler and Langston. Ziggler is still the best seller in the company, bar none. Makes everything look important. WWE Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan (Triple-H as guest referee) Winner: Daniel Bryan Parts were typical Cena match stuff. There were plenty of reverses, the five moves of doom, more reversals, kicking out of each other’s finishers and even Cena doing the punch-drunk thing. The difference was the crowd. They weren’t the same as Punk/Cena where everyone was hostile at Cena. This was more just love of Daniel Bryan. An epically epic match that actually had a surprising ending. Bryan threw a flying knee from the ropes and KO’d Cena. He hasn’t really used that move at all in recent years, so it was a true surprise when he got the 3-count. After the match, Bryan falls to his knees and then runs around celebrating. But out comes Randy Orton. Orton just stays at the foot of the ring, but Triple-H attacks Bryan from behind and pedigrees him. Orton then enters the ring and cashes in on an unconscious Daniel Bryan. The WWE Troll Army beats the fans once again. WWE Championship Match (via Money in the Bank cash-in): Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan (c) Winner: Randy Orton via pedigree from Triple H Some one check on Brandon Stroud. He may have killed himself. 18 seconds at Wrestlemania and now this.    
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