Originally written on Deuce of Davenport  |  Last updated 11/11/14
You know David Price wouldn’t be as salty if he had to buy a breast pump for Eva Longoria. *******, I’ll just handle that myself.” Alas he’s stuck with the bill for Evan instead of Eva. Evan Longoria and his girlfriend had their first child and as we all know that means it’s time for friends and family to rush to the baby registry before all the cheap gifts are claimed. Price was slow on the uptake and ended up stuck with the breast pump, the most expensive gift on the registry. “A breast pump,” Price said. “Hey, Evan told me to buy a breast pump. So I bought a breast pump.” He managed to work up some bemused indignation over the whole thing. “Most expensive thing on the registry and I have to buy it.” Price made the mistake of checking to see what the couple needed instead of buying something he thought they could use or the kid could use when she gets a bit older like a onesie from the team shop. I’m like school on a Saturday. No class. Of course $300 means nothing to a player who’s earning $10.1 million this season but as Big Worm says “It’s principalities in this“. Speaking of baby showers, what’s up with men being invited to baby showers the past couple years? Has that always been a thing? I’ve found myself at several wondering what I was doing there along with the other men. We’ve been lucky so far in that they’ve been held at bars so we would congregate at the bar while the women did their thing. I once found myself suckered into some game where I had to wear a trash bag and eat pudding because I had no idea what went on at baby showers. It could also be that I didn’t get suckered. I’m just that stupid and unaware. I wake up with cold sweats in the middle of the night thinking about that day. I’m not mad at being invited to baby showers. Just wondering when that started happening. There’s also the phenomenon of the engagement party. I’m cool with them if I’m not required to give a gift and the couple just wants to celebrate making things official. However I’ve been invited to others where gifts were “encouraged”. **** that. You get one gift. Pick whether you want it for your engagement or wedding. If you’re holding a destination wedding where I have to cross international waters, expect your gift to be on the cheaper end. The exception? The wedding takes place on a boat in international waters and knife fighting monkeys are the post-wedding entertainment. Huzzah. I’ll make it rain on your registry. Short of that, just be aware. I already have three weddings this year. I swear I’ll get someone an air freshener if they decide to go with the Dodge Dart registry. Yes. Dodge has a car registry where people can log on and buy the lucky couple parts of a Dodge Dart. Chimp, you’re finally getting your wedding present. It’s Clutch. I mean a clutch.
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Take your pick: Colin Kaepernick or Derek Carr

Report: Bears to bench Jay Cutler, start Jimmy Clausen

Jim Harbaugh to Michigan speculation building

Heat lose a key player with McRoberts out for rest of season

Belichick: Ryan is 'buttering me up' with Hall of Fame praise

Marshall: Bears need to gel and do some kumbaya

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Ray McDonald investigated for possible sexual assault

Red Sox appear content with rotation despite lack of true ace

Iguodala gets technical for mocking Conley travel

Bo Pelini takes shot at Nebraska during introductory presser

Belichick: Patriots need to play better against the Jets

Rex Ryan doesn't want to get in trouble talking about Revis

12 coaching candidates to replace Paul Chryst at Pittsburgh

Brad Halsey claimed he was on cocaine for Bonds record HR

Wade Miley confident in health, diet after trade from D-Backs

When bowl results mean more for one school than another

Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson lead in 2014 athlete Google searches

Molding the market: All eyes on Max Scherzer

Another "Fire John Idzik' plane flies at Jets practice

Four can't-miss match-ups in NFL's Week 16

Report: Some Browns shunned Manziel during pregame

Making an attempt to understand Celtics' priorities

Gronk makes awkward sausage joke on 'Top Chef'

Walmart ripped for confusing Anthony/Lin doll

All Sports News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

When bowl results mean more for one school than another

Four can't-miss match-ups in NFL's Week 16

RG3 quits social media for season

Each NFL division’s MVP

5 NFLers who must step up in Week 16

Most impressive college hoops teams

Five reasons why FSU is going to win the CFB Playoff

Boxer admits to dive in Rourke bout

FCC heard about Brady's swearing?

Embracing the hate of the Eagles-Cowboys Rivalry

DeSean Jackson mocks Eagles

Andrew Hawkins defends shirt

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.