Originally posted on Barry Melrose Rocks  |  Last updated 7/5/13
                                    LOSER DOMI: Coach Carlyle, thank you for coming in today. RANDY CARLYLE: You’re welcome. LD:  What do you make of the recent comments made by Mikhail Grabovski regarding his place within your coaching strategy? CARLYLE: Well…you don’t pull any punches, do ya, little lady? LD:  I’m only saying this once: it would be super cool if you wouldn’t patronize me. CARLYLE: Ok, fine.   LD:  Now, about Grabovski-- CARLYLE: Judging by the number of deleted expletives, the guy’s learning English real good. LD:  Is some of what he’s saying true? It’s pretty damning if it is. CARLYLE: I’m gonna be honest. It was the easiest way for everyone. I have not been a fan of his from the word “go.” Gingers creep me the hell out. LD:  You actually reduced his playing time because you don’t like his hair color? CARLYLE: Besides, the dude is Belorussian. Belarus hasn’t won ****, ever. I’m pretty sure their main exports are orphans and crippling depression.  Or is that Romania? I always get those two confused. LD:  That...seems really racist to me. CARLYLE: COUNTRIES AREN’T RACES. LD: Jingoist, then? It’s still something I’m pretty sure is a lawsuit waiting to happen. CARLYLE: Whatever. Besides, I’m not the one who bought him out. You’d have to talk to my esteemed compadre, Dave Nonis. DAVE NONIS: ‘Sup? LD:  How did you get in here? NONIS: I went in through the door, like a normal person. LD:  Dang, you’re light on your feet for a fat guy. CARLYLE: Like Jackie Gleason dancing. LD: I’m not sure if that’s such a compliment. NONIS: Anyway, Randy’s my guy on the ground, yanno? He’s the one feeding me new information and who’s got to go. CARLYLE: I tell him who’s being trouble and who’s not performing so they can be shipped out. LD:  What about the recent resigning of Tyler Bozak, who has been…let’s say less than stellar in a role which forces him into being a leading center? CARLYLE: I don’t think that’s here nor there. LD:  I think it actually is related to the conversation. CARLYLE: The thing is— (JOHN FERGUSON, JR., crashes through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man) JOHN FERGUSON JR.: JOOOOHHHHNNNNNNN FEEERRRRGUSSSSOOONNNN! Junior! LD:  You’re goddamn joking. CARLYLE:  He’s actually been a great inspiration to me. He’s been giving me advice and been a great help for the team. JFJ: Miss me yet? Next to these knobheads, I look downright reasonable, don’t I? LD: I’d rather be fed my own brain like Ray Liotta in Hannibal. CARLYLE:  It smells good! LD:  Screw this. I’m out of here. CARLYLE:  Don’t you want to keep interviewing me? LD:  Dude—Barry Trotz looks at you and is all, “damn, that guy has no neck.”  You’ve had half a season and you’ve already lost the room, so good job on setting some sort of a speed record. Obviously, I picked the wrong time to stop drinking. So, you know, **** you and the horse you rode in on and then ate. (LD leaves) CARLYLE: You are kind of an asshole, JFJ. NONIS: At least I have chicken. 
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Peyton Manning ‘going to drink a lot of Budweiser’ after win

Panthers' Josh Norman crying after losing Super Bowl

Where Peyton Manning ranks among Super Bowl era QBs

Peyton Manning declines to comment on possible retirement

Mike Carey not heard from again after being wrong earlier

Von Miller forces Cam Newton fumble to secure Super Bowl win

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

With cryptic tweet, did Marshawn Lynch just hang up his cleats?

NFL shows off every Super Bowl MVP in history

Jordan Norwood breaks off longest punt return in Super Bowl history

Beer company trolls Seth Rogan after Super Bowl commercial

Levi's Stadium's field problems continue in Super Bowl

Kevin Durant credentialed photographer for Super Bowl

Five biggest boneheaded plays of Super Bowl 50

WATCH: Cam Newton gives questionable effort to recover fumble

Lions say Calvin Johnson's future still not determined

How Louisville basketball bungled their self-imposed ban

Ted Ginn Jr. whiffs on football twice on one play, results in Panthers turnover

Kony Ealy makes one-handed interception of Peyton Manning

Mike Carey gets another call wrong on incomplete pass in SB

Steph Curry beats Panthers' "Keep Pounding" drum

Did Beyonce almost fall down during Super Bowl halftime show?

WATCH: Panthers' Jonathan Stewart leaps over pile for TD

Aqib Talib commits three awful penatlies in first half of SB

WATCH: Broncos score TD after Von Millers sacks Cam Newton

WATCH: Luke Kuechly sacks Peyton Manning

All Sports News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Did Beyonce almost fall down during Super Bowl halftime show?

Curry to serve as drummer for Panthers

Report: Marshawn Lynch plans to retire

The 14 biggest plays in Super Bowl history

Five outrageous predictions for Super Bowl 50

QUIZ: Name the winning starting quarterback from every Super Bowl

The top six matchups that could decide Super Bowl 50

Seven unheralded players set to make major impacts in SB 50

10 underrated performances in the NBA Slam Dunk Contest

X-factors in Super Bowl 50

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker