Originally written on Football Nation  |  Last updated 11/18/12

FOXBORO, MA - JANUARY 10: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots gestures as he lines up in the shotgun formation against the Baltimore Ravens during the 2010 AFC wild-card playoff game at Gillette Stadium on January 10, 2010 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
Stripped of my sanity and right mind following a 51-0 rotten tomato against UCLA (or so it felt like), I called an audible last night and trekked through the regrettable cold with my Clubhouse crewmate Senor Piss-Piss - not to crash the first Sunday morning tailgate we'd find along the east coast...but to pay $10.50 and get The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 over and done with. It was a slugfest. I was drunk and unruly from half a bag of stale candy corn. Kristen Stewart should have been benched seasons ago. Her halfback looked scarier than Marshawn Lynch. Taylor "Rob Gronkowski" Lautner got nude, even though he promised he wouldn't do that anymore. Ironically, the game sprung to life in the fourth quarter...only for the momentum to deflate in the waning seconds. I begged for the replacement refs. I was in the minority, and the field moistened from pathetic precipitation. Then I was certain that my 1993 Chrysler New Yorker "Adrian" had become a sparkling vampire, but it just ...
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