It’s incredible how much of sports is looking good these days. If you don’t look the part (and then some), it’s like you aren’t as good. Some fashion statements aren’t bad (the high pants/long socks look in baseball), but others (like the ten in this list) need to be checked at the door.
It’s Always Sunny decided to make like Tyra Banks’ fivehead and play America’s Bottom Sports Model by picking the worst ten sports fashion statements of the first half of 2012.
10. James Harden’s beard
You can count on an official giving LeBron the superstar treatment when Harden’s beard gets too close. ”I have a foul on number 1-3. He got him with the beard.” The growth even has its own Twitter account (@HardenBeard).
9. Pittsburgh Steelers throwback uniforms
Suddenly the toughest uniforms in the NFL look like a poorly-made bee costume for a ten-year old girl. The throwbacks should be thrown out in the trash with
8. Dwyane Wade’s pants
I’m not even going to mention the color because that’s by far the best thing about these digs. What’s going on in the crotchel region? Don’t say you didn’t notice. Is he wearing a diaper? A cup? I’d say good for him, but I really think it’s just the pants. I look huge wearing my wife’s pants too.
7. LeBron’s Finals mouthpiece
XVI? 16 wins to win an NBA Championship? Or is that a King James Bible reference? I actually had to google what the shoot this meant. And I still don’t know. Didn’t ‘Bron give himself the “King James” nickname? Any of this and all of this make the mouthpiece incredibly dumb.
6. Tom Brady’s sidehawk
Rockers go with the mohawk. Punks go with the fauxhawk. Incredibly handsome quarterbacks with supermodel wives go with the sidehawk. Maybe he’s onto something. Maybe not. I won’t give him credit for this idea. He got it from There’s Something About Mary.
5. Justin Tuck’s helmet
He might as well be wearing an astronaut’s helmet. Good luck to the team managers who run out onto the field with a water bottle. Make sure you bring Tuck a straw.
4. Baggy baseball pants
There’s a happy medium between some yummy yoga pants and the pants that most members of the Michigan State baseball team wore this season. Stanley Burrell called. He wants his pants back. Can’t stop, Hammer time!
Disclaimer: this photo is from 2011.
3. USA soccer kit
The men’s and women’s teams debuted their Nike kits a couple months ago. I understand the whole stars and stripes thought process. But this is going to make finding Waldo a heck of a lot easier when watching these matches.
2. Bryce Harper’s old ‘do
Somebody forgot to tell Bryce Harper that kids usually get their hair cut before the first day of school. For Harper’s first few weeks of big league action, he chose the “party in the front, vomit in the back” look.
1. NBA’s “Geek is chic”
These guys need to catch a re-run because they aren’t old enough to know that Urkel NEVER got the girl.