Originally posted on The Belly of the Beast  |  Last updated 1/9/12

Finally, after days and days of talk about absolutely nothing new, the game that will explode minds and possibly actual heads is upon us. And, as is customary with nearly every game, but always the big games, everyone and their brother are throwing out a score prediction, which means you'll be hearing from the one lucky bastard who manages to nail it exactly (he or she should only be recognized for this feat of luck if they win significant cash monies; otherwise, they should be dismissed with an "oh, that's nice.").

Most of these predictions will follow these lines:

-"I like Alabama in a close one, but with a little more scoring.  17-13."

-"LSU is in a familiar setting and that defense seems like it's gotten even better.  20-10."

-"A game like this comes down to coaching and preparation.  I like Nick Saban over Les Miles in that matchup.  21-17."

-"Games like this comes down to who wants it more.  Looking into the eyes of the LSU players this week, I believe they want it so much it hurts.  14-9, Tigers."

Fairly generic, boring, and most of all, safe.  Other than one or two sentences, very few people take the time to build their case.  Part of that comes from very few people wanting to read 1500 words on why Alabama or LSU will win by a field goal, but part of it is that people are lazy and don't want to dig into the reasons behind the score they vomited onto a computer screen (suck it, piece of paper!).

While I am terribly lazy in general, I will not be one of these people to throw out a score, followed by a sentence or two similar to the ones in that list.  No sir, I will give you a score, even though I snort-laugh at the idea of predicting scores, and I will defend it with real, actual reasoning that will be somewhat based on facts, but mostly on my horribly biased opinions.

To reach my predicted score, we're going to take a different approach.  Ever since the playing of the Alamo Bowl between Baylor and Washington, as well as the Fiesta Bowl, there has been a constant ringing of shouts, "THAT'S NOT REAL FOOTBALL, Y'ALL."  And, "YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME DEFENSE TO PLAY REAL FOOTBALL, Y'ALL." 

In the minds of many LSU and Alabama fans, both of those games, particularly the Baylor/Washington game, were the Antichrist of football games.  And since those games were the Antichrist, the LSU/Alabama game must be the Jesus Christ of football games.  To reach my predicted score of the LSU/Alabama game, we're going to start with the score of the most evil game ever played, and work our way to the score of the only perfect game to ever be played.

So, starting off, I've got the score to the LSU/Alabama game at 67-56, with Alabama winning, since they're favored.  To get to the final predicted score, I'll subtract points based on the perfections of both teams so that we arrive at the perfect score. 

But first, a little housekeeping.  It's been 37 days since LSU last played a game of football, or 38 if you count the end date, which I have no idea if you're supposed to or not, and 44 (or 45) days since Alabama last played.  That's worth a loss of 15 points for Alabama and 10 for LSU (the layoff matters not to Les Miles since he assumed they played last week).  Now our score is 52-46, Alabama.

I appologize for not starting with the most perfect category of them all:  "IT'S CALLED DEFENSE, Y'ALL.  PLAY IT."  Minus 15 points for both teams.  37-31, Alabama.

Looking at the quarterbacks, A.J. McCarron, the player charged with leading the offense by making quick, accurate decisions for Alabama, has a giant sternum tattoo of, well, I don't know what:

Minus 15 points because it shows signs of family, faith, and love, which are all things non-SEC people wouldn't understand.  For LSU, Jordan Jefferson is Jordan Jefferson and worth a 10-point deduction, and to cover our bases in case Jarrett Lee slips into the game, let's take off another three points.  They play a not-gonna-get-you-beat style, which is the way real football is played.  Alabama now leads 22-18.

In the last game, despite the onslaught of field goals, Alabama's kickers combined to go two of six on field goal attempts, and that was at home.  But the pressure.  Oh, the pressure.  I'm not sure how they even were able to breathe as they walked on the field.  And the type of pressure they're going to face tonight, well, you just can't simulate that anywhere else.  Take off 10 points.  LSU now jumps ahead 18-12.

Even though Les Miles has not had a disaster (Ole Miss '09) or near-disaster (Tennessee '10) this season due to a highly conservative and just approach, which has worked thanks to his defense, Miles has a disaster in his back pocket at all times.  Much like the end of days, you know not the day or the hour when it will occur, but it will occur.  Take off seven points as a preemptive strike.  12-11, Alabama.

While both coaches talked about this game being different from the previous version, you can be sure both of them will maintain the same conservative and right approach.  Nick Saban will always flex his conservative muscles when faced with a 4th and three from the LSU 38, and choose to punt without hesitating.  Les Miles won't know what he wants to do in that situation, but will call a timeout to think about it before eventually going for it (and of course he'll get it).  And that's the kind of wide-open, and some might call it dangerous, mindset needed to win this game.  Take four points from Alabama for the four times Saban punts inside the LSU 40.

And so, there you have it, after crunching numbers upon numbers, and careful analytical study, I've got LSU winning 11-8 in a game that LSU and Alabama fans will one day describe as "beautiful perfection, with a dash recklessness."

MORE FROM YARDBARKER:
The Best Names in College Football for 2016
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Wentz unlikely to see any playing time this season

Minnesota Wild names Prince’s ‘Let’s Go Crazy’ official goal song

Gabby Douglas joining judges for Miss America pageant

Recruit decommits from Michigan after mail mistake

Dez Bryant reportedly suffers concussion at practice

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Kobe Bryant to be honored with his own day in LA on 8/24

Colts sign Antonio Cromartie

Connor McDavid: 'I’m not some 18-year-old kid anymore'

Aguayo seeks out mental coach after missing kicks

Josh Norman unloads on Goodell: He is 'straight horrible'

Siemian named Broncos starter for third preseason game

One Gotta Go: NFL legends (and Jose Canseco!) have no love for Captain America

Four WNBA teams to pay attention to post-Olympic break

Ranking the uniforms of the NFL from worst to best

Madden 17 shows how vital a fresh coat of paint can be

Why people just can't get behind the Washington Nationals

Washington's Josh Norman speaks candidly about multiple NFL talking points

Derrick Rose: Knicks have chance to win every game

Ranking the MLB divisional races

Inside the Pokemon World Championships, where masters are born

NFL players under most pressure in preseason Week 3

Tre Mason's mother: RB is like '10-year-old' due to head injuries

What we learned from this year's baffling SummerSlam event

College Football News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

One Gotta Go: NFL legends (and Jose Canseco!) have no love for Captain America

Ranking the uniforms of the NFL from worst to best

Four WNBA teams to pay attention to post-Olympic break

Madden 17 shows how vital a fresh coat of paint can be

Why people just can't get behind the Washington Nationals

QUIZ: Name every player to win a championship with Kobe Bryant

Inside the Pokemon World Championships, where masters are born

What we learned from this year's baffling SummerSlam event

Football Down Under: Looking back at college football overseas

31 memories from the XXXI Olympiad

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker