Originally written on Monkey with a Halo  |  Last updated 11/17/14

We deserve a winning team.  We are entitled to our share of baseball happiness.  We refuse to let fans of all other teams keep beating us up.  We have an attractive roster.  It will be fun to watch Angels games.

Hi, I'm Garrett Wilson and I'm going to do a terrific, positive blog post today!  I'm gonna help Angels fans!  Because this team is good enough.  Mike Scioscia is smart enough, and, doggonit, Albert Pujols is going to hit f#@&ing homer one of these days!!!

Yes, Halo fans, I know things aren't looking good for our boys in red right now, but I'm here to tell you not to worry.  Sure, they are nine games back and on the verge of their worst start in team history, but I prefer to think that it means they have nowhere to go but up!  Ranger fans might want to tell you that the Angels' already have no chance at winning the AL West, but I say that's just stinkin' thinkin'!

What I'm seeing right now is an entire roster stuck in a shame spiral.  Why do the hitters all have to be so over-aggressive at the plate?  Why don't they try a softer, gentler approach and just ask the pitcher to maybe lob a pitch or two down the middle?  Just ask them for a little sympathy.  Like I always say, sympathy is simple!

And what about those poor relief pitchers.  If you ask me, they are the ones that could use some relief, relief from all those negativity Nancys out there, that is.

What we need to do is get to the bottom of these struggles.  Let's trace it, face it and erase it!

All those high expectations.  The pressure of big money contracts.  All those nasty people on Twitter tweetering hurtful twits.  That's no way to enjoy playing a child's game!  The Angel players just need to throw all those bad emotions in the ocean!

I suppose that it is possible that Albert Pujols could wind up being the biggest free agent bust in the history of history... and that's... okay.  What he really needs to focus on not what the media thinks of him and his ridiculous pull tendency right now, but rather he needs to spend some time learning to love himself again.  Once he does that, I'm sure the ball will start flying all over the ballpark once more!  After that, the wins are sure to follow.  And if they don't, Pujols will still be a winner because he'll have a healthy self image.

You know what? I think this is the best blog post I've ever done! And you know what? I deserve it! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, if the Halos don't start winning some games soon, I'm going to go on a seven-state killing spree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[follow]

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Josh Gordon in essay: I'm not an addict

Belichick, Brady can't imagine Hall of Fame without Seau

Teammate: Johnny Manziel is definitely not a joke

Knicks reportedly ‘in play’ for Kevin Durant

Fire alarm at Patriots’ hotel goes off for second time in three days

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Former NFL QB Jeff Blake: Everyone deflates footballs

Columnist: Media should boycott Skittles to protest Lynch

WATCH: Irving scores career-high 55, hits game winner

FCS star QB considering transferring to Oregon

Gronk on interest in his partying: 'I'm a baller'

Jim Harbaugh looking to flip No. 1 quarterback recruit

Richard Sherman, girlfriend expecting baby any day

15 amazing Super Bowl XLIX stats

Pats fans buy Super Bowl tickets, told they're unavailable

The 10 most underrated Super Bowl performances

Where did Seahawks, Patriots find their Super Bowl players?

The all-time best Super Bowl team

Jimbo Fisher's extension could be worth $44 million

Morris twins investigated for possible assault

Padres are bringing back the brown pinstripes

Phil Jackson's old Knicks teams used to deflate balls

David Blatt: There should be more LeBron MVP talk

Richard Sherman, girlfriend expecting son during SB week

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

15 amazing Super Bowl XLIX stats

Teammate: Manziel not a joke

Ten most underrated SB performances

Knicks ‘in play’ for Kevin Durant?

Ex-QB: Everyone deflates footballs

Where did 'Hawks, Pats find players?

Columnist: Start Skittles media boycott

The all-time best Super Bowl team

Blatt wants more LeBron MVP talk

Best Super Bowl ads of all-time

5 X-factors for Super Bowl XLIX

Ten worst teams to ever play in a SB

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.