Originally written on Monkey with a Halo  |  Last updated 11/17/14

We deserve a winning team.  We are entitled to our share of baseball happiness.  We refuse to let fans of all other teams keep beating us up.  We have an attractive roster.  It will be fun to watch Angels games.

Hi, I'm Garrett Wilson and I'm going to do a terrific, positive blog post today!  I'm gonna help Angels fans!  Because this team is good enough.  Mike Scioscia is smart enough, and, doggonit, Albert Pujols is going to hit f#@&ing homer one of these days!!!

Yes, Halo fans, I know things aren't looking good for our boys in red right now, but I'm here to tell you not to worry.  Sure, they are nine games back and on the verge of their worst start in team history, but I prefer to think that it means they have nowhere to go but up!  Ranger fans might want to tell you that the Angels' already have no chance at winning the AL West, but I say that's just stinkin' thinkin'!

What I'm seeing right now is an entire roster stuck in a shame spiral.  Why do the hitters all have to be so over-aggressive at the plate?  Why don't they try a softer, gentler approach and just ask the pitcher to maybe lob a pitch or two down the middle?  Just ask them for a little sympathy.  Like I always say, sympathy is simple!

And what about those poor relief pitchers.  If you ask me, they are the ones that could use some relief, relief from all those negativity Nancys out there, that is.

What we need to do is get to the bottom of these struggles.  Let's trace it, face it and erase it!

All those high expectations.  The pressure of big money contracts.  All those nasty people on Twitter tweetering hurtful twits.  That's no way to enjoy playing a child's game!  The Angel players just need to throw all those bad emotions in the ocean!

I suppose that it is possible that Albert Pujols could wind up being the biggest free agent bust in the history of history... and that's... okay.  What he really needs to focus on not what the media thinks of him and his ridiculous pull tendency right now, but rather he needs to spend some time learning to love himself again.  Once he does that, I'm sure the ball will start flying all over the ballpark once more!  After that, the wins are sure to follow.  And if they don't, Pujols will still be a winner because he'll have a healthy self image.

You know what? I think this is the best blog post I've ever done! And you know what? I deserve it! Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, if the Halos don't start winning some games soon, I'm going to go on a seven-state killing spree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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