Memo To The Sox: Stay Away From Mike Napoli

Mike Napoli frightens me. Everything about him frightens me. When he comes up to bat against the Red Sox, I’m always frightened that he’s going to hit a ball into the last row of the upper deck and then throw his wad of chewing tobacco at the pitcher. I’m frightened when he makes eye contact with the camera.  If I saw him in the streets, I’d turn and run the opposite way because I’d be frightened of being tackled, tied up and dragged back to whatever Chinese food carton-invested dungeon he calls home. But most of all, I’m frightened that the Red Sox are going to sign him, and that fear doesn’t just stem from a a personal safety issue I’d have with know that he and I – and millions of Red Sox fans – are in the same general vicinity and could be clubbed to death at any time. No, I fear that the Sox are going to overpay for a player who has done almost nothing to warrant a substantial deal in free agency. I fear that the team is going to repeat the vicious cycle of spending just to spe...