Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 1/27/13
New Chicago Cubs outfielder Dave Sappelt, you are know Dave Chappelle. Your attempts at humor are about as effective as Alfonso Soriano’s fielding. Your rendition/attempt at Sinbad’s “women be shopping!” bit fell painfully flat. And you made remarks that would you an A+ at the Joe Cowley school of gender relations. You knew never took a class in women’s studies in college did you? In case you haven’t heard, there’s ice and freezing rain on Midwestern roads tonight. And that means driving might be a bit more treacherous for all. Or if you listen to Sappelt, the road conditions are even more hazardous if you have a vagina. Sappelt tweeted: “@SappySappelt6 Women driving me scares the dog **** out of me???????????????????? ” I think Danica Patrick may take issue with this since deleted tweet. Wait there’s more, Sappelt later tweeted: “When women get to shopping theres no stopping them looks like its time to pull the #FIREALARM????????????????????????????????????????????????” First off, what’s with all the symbols/avatars/emoticons whatever cyber term the kids are using today? You’re not on skype or texting your sweetie here. You look someone who just discovered  computer. Secondly, women driver jokes?? What are you a hack comedian from the 1950s Borsch Belt? Stop being a regressive troglodyte. Thirdly, tone down the language. Because tons of kids look up to you. The sailor talk isn’t a good example for them. Fourth, why would dog **** come out of you? You’re not a quadriped, you’re a human being so how would dog **** get in your system in the first place? Fifth, you’re a Buffalo Bills fan. Actually, this I’ll respect, there are no bandwagon, fair-weather Bills fans on this planet. That team is the Charlie Brown Christmas tree of the NFL. h/t to Julie DiCaro who had many great responses to this. including this one: “For the love of God, @Cubs, I’m begging you. Let me teach social media etiquette to your players.” Yeah, Cubs Media Relations, maybe you should invite her to Wrigley and give a seminar. Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net, a Google News site generating millions of unique visitors. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Chicago Tribune.com, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports A Fulbright scholar, published author and MBA, Banks has appeared on live radio all over the world; he’s also a member of the Football Writers Association of America, U.S. Basketball Writers Association, and Society of Professional Journalists. The President of the United States follows him on Twitter (@Paul_M_BanksTSB) You should too.  
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Seahawks players feel Sherman bombshell story ‘nailed it’

Turkey: Kanter a member of terrorist group, issues warrant

Chad Johnson says Roger Goodell consulted him on touchdown celebration rule change

Kevin Durant is not to blame for the NBA’s lack of parity, and he knows it

Khloe Kardashian called out Cavs fan who mentioned ‘curse’

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Warriors’ Mike Brown: Steve Kerr may be back for the Finals

Dodgers transfer Andrew Toles and Scott Kazmir to the 60-day disabled list

Looking back at 40 years of women racing in the Indianapolis 500

U.S. national soccer teams to wear LGBT-themed jerseys to celebrate pride month

Mike Zimmer: Teddy Bridgewater still has ‘long ways to go’

Report: Clippers concerned about Chris Paul leaving to sign with Spurs

Best of Yardbarker: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines

The 'More like Whiffer, Texas Ranger...amirite?' quiz

The Rewind: Vince Carter's graduation day celebration that wasn't

Manu Ginobili gave life to the San Antonio Spurs

Stanley Cup Final: A David vs. Goliath matchup that's not as lopsided as it may appear

Why the Indianapolis 500 is called 'the greatest spectacle in racing'

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

Box Score 5/26: Bring on the Finals

Why wait? Our too soon Cavaliers-Warriors NBA Finals preview

Kicking It: East is East, and West is West

Three Up, Three Down: Some surprises way out (NL) West

The 'Let's go to the videotape!' quiz

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Best of Yardbarker: Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines

The 'More like Whiffer, Texas Ranger...amirite?' quiz

Stanley Cup Final: A David vs. Goliath matchup that's not as lopsided as it may appear

Manu Ginobili gave life to the San Antonio Spurs

The Rewind: Vince Carter's graduation day celebration that wasn't

The 10 best sports docs available for streaming

Kicking It: East is East, and West is West

Three Up, Three Down: Some surprises way out (NL) West

The 'Let's go to the videotape!' quiz

Why the Indianapolis 500 is called 'the greatest spectacle in racing'

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker