Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 1/27/13
New Chicago Cubs outfielder Dave Sappelt, you are know Dave Chappelle. Your attempts at humor are about as effective as Alfonso Soriano’s fielding. Your rendition/attempt at Sinbad’s “women be shopping!” bit fell painfully flat. And you made remarks that would you an A+ at the Joe Cowley school of gender relations. You knew never took a class in women’s studies in college did you? In case you haven’t heard, there’s ice and freezing rain on Midwestern roads tonight. And that means driving might be a bit more treacherous for all. Or if you listen to Sappelt, the road conditions are even more hazardous if you have a vagina. Sappelt tweeted: “@SappySappelt6 Women driving me scares the dog **** out of me???????????????????? ” I think Danica Patrick may take issue with this since deleted tweet. Wait there’s more, Sappelt later tweeted: “When women get to shopping theres no stopping them looks like its time to pull the #FIREALARM????????????????????????????????????????????????” First off, what’s with all the symbols/avatars/emoticons whatever cyber term the kids are using today? You’re not on skype or texting your sweetie here. You look someone who just discovered  computer. Secondly, women driver jokes?? What are you a hack comedian from the 1950s Borsch Belt? Stop being a regressive troglodyte. Thirdly, tone down the language. Because tons of kids look up to you. The sailor talk isn’t a good example for them. Fourth, why would dog **** come out of you? You’re not a quadriped, you’re a human being so how would dog **** get in your system in the first place? Fifth, you’re a Buffalo Bills fan. Actually, this I’ll respect, there are no bandwagon, fair-weather Bills fans on this planet. That team is the Charlie Brown Christmas tree of the NFL. h/t to Julie DiCaro who had many great responses to this. including this one: “For the love of God, @Cubs, I’m begging you. Let me teach social media etiquette to your players.” Yeah, Cubs Media Relations, maybe you should invite her to Wrigley and give a seminar. Paul M. Banks is CEO of The Sports Bank.net, a Google News site generating millions of unique visitors. He’s also a regular contributor to Chicago Now, Chicago Tribune.com, Walter Football.com, Yardbarker, and Fox Sports A Fulbright scholar, published author and MBA, Banks has appeared on live radio all over the world; he’s also a member of the Football Writers Association of America, U.S. Basketball Writers Association, and Society of Professional Journalists. The President of the United States follows him on Twitter (@Paul_M_BanksTSB) You should too.  
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Greg Jennings: Ryan Tannehill has had his hands tied by coaches

Josh McDaniels 'happy' with Pats but wants to be a head coach again

WATCH: Jim Harbaugh in cleats throws out first pitch at Cubs game

Why Rickie Fowler will win the PGA Championship

Warren Sapp bitten on arm by shark

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Fitzpatrick, Jets agree to one-year deal

Baker considering removing Papelbon from closer role?

Greg Hardy struggling to find work, reportedly even in CFL

Jets players told not to discuss Ryan Fitzpatrick situation

Brock Lesnar won't be punished by WWE for UFC drug test

Report: Cowboys to be fined up to $250K for suspended players

Report: Ravens WR Mike Wallace failed conditioning test

WATCH: Kobe Bryant drives Ferrari around Italian racetrack

Terrelle Pryor shouts out Ohio State after ban ends

Justin Timberlake advocates for Memphis to join Big 12

Poll: Las Vegas residents don’t support public funds for NFL stadium

Conor McGregor talks trash to Nate Diaz on ‘Conan’

We asked Team USA: What other Olympic sport would you play?

Real Madrid can’t train at Norwegian school because of the kids

Newspaper uses Michael Jordan ‘crying face’ as image

Equipment manager Blake Griffin punched no longer works for Clippers

Report: Nicks signing one-year deal with Saints

Reds 'picking up the pace' on Jay Bruce trade talks

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

We asked Team USA: What other Olympic sport would you play?

Why Gary Bettman's CTE denial is cause for concern for NHL

WATCH: Inside the Nike SNKRS BOX in SF for Golden Air Celebration

WATCH: Five other uniforms Chris Sale should cut up

QUIZ: Name every Olympic event in which the USA has never won a gold medal

Five U.S. Olympians favored to win multiple gold medals

WATCH: What teams should join the Big 12?

One Gotta Go: Do NBA players really love NBA2K?

One Gotta Go: NBA players hate Facebook too

One Gotta Go: NBA players settle the fast food beef

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker