Originally written on IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS caught  |  Last updated 11/16/14
Dear madam or sir,If I were you, I’d buy one of those authentic Yankee Stadium $18 rain ponchos, the souped-up garbage bag liners, and wear it everywhere. Because vegetables could be flying, and some will be on target. Don't worry about tomatoes. But an acorn squash, that can really hurt.If I were you, I’d hire a taster. And a guy who carries caged canaries. And one of those stunt drivers from Fast & Furious 10. You need a personal security pod, capable of surviving an A-bomb from A-Rod. And an escape capsule, like Dr. Evil had, so you can shoot yourself into orbit, in case you’re surrounded by irate fans. Personally, I’d have plastic surgery to make myself look like Superboy. Does Bud Selig offer an Owner Protection Program? Do you carry a back-molar cyanide pill?It’s going to be a long long summer and a short short season. It might end in June, before summer even starts. People can be mean. Even Yankee fans, the most lovingest folks on the planet.  Sir, the Yankee apocalypse i...
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Jay Cutler is not the answer for the Titans

Josh Smith released by Detroit Pistons in surprising move

13 amazing NFL stats from Week 16

JJ Watt's bloody face defines 2014 campaign

Dominic Raiola insists he didn't intentionally stomp opponent

Jets call themselves the best 3-12 team in NFL history

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Cam Newton calls out 'classless' Panthers fans

Report: 49ers to part ways with Harbaugh after season finale

Brad Stevens shoots down rumors he's headed to Hoosiers

Jameis Winston cleared in code of conduct case

Sherman: Patrick Peterson would be benched on Seahawks

Fans struck by lightning after Buccaneers-Packers game

Raiders player gives game check to young girl in need

Game of the week: Detroit Lions vs. Green Bay Packers

Yankees pay for education of slain officer's children

Breaking up the Brooklyn Nets

Brady: Edelman might be Pat's Most Dependable Player

Who can fight off the Golden State Warriors in the West?

NFL flexes Bengals-Steelers into 'Sunday Night Football' slot

Miami Dolphins electing to keep Joe Philbin a smart decision

Coughlin tells Beckham Jr to tone down TD celebrations

WATCH: Lynch ‘thanks the media for asking’ questions

10 takeaways from NFL Week 16

Tony Romo leads Dallas Cowboys to NFC East title

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Game of the week: Lions vs. Packers

Breaking up the Brooklyn Nets

13 amazing NFL stats from Week 16

JJ Watt's bloody face defines 2014 campaign

Jets claim to be best 3-12 team ever

10 takeaways from NFL Week 16

Cam Newton calls out 'classless' Panthers fans

Raiola stomps on Bears player's ankle

Bears interested in Jim Harbaugh?

Shanahan to return to 2015?

Browns interested in drafting Mariota?

Mullen wears funny Christmas sweater

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.