Originally written on Monkey with a Halo  |  Last updated 11/16/14
The cat is out of the bag, ladies and gentlemen.  Thanks to the Josh Hamilton singing and Torii Hunter's big mouth, the secret to Arte's success in business and finances has been revealed. I was told money was tight but I guess the Arte had money hidden under a Mattress. Business is business but don't lie. — Torii Hunter (@toriihunter48) December 13, 2012 Man, those are tough words.  It must also make for a tough bed to sleep on too.  Can you imagine how lumpy that thing must be with $125 million in cash stuffed under it?  And it must be impossible to find all the dirty magazines every man hides under the bed amdist all those loose $100 bills. Fortunately, our crack investigative staff here at MWAH is one the case and we've discovered all the other things that Arte has been secretly stashing under his mattress all these years. Jason Vargas plus another $2.5 million - Boy, if you thought Torii was mad before, I'd hate to see what catty thing he is going to tweet and then immediately backpedal on once he finds out that Moreno somehow found a way to pull Vargas out from under his mattress.  And let's not forget that Arte must've also found another $2.5 million in loose change too since the Halos are taking on salary with Vargas.  Hmm, that $2.5 million might've even been just enough to make a more competitive offer to Torii too.  Awkward. Alexi Amarista - Last we heard of him, he had been traded to the Padres, but the poor, tiny little guy just slipped in between the cracks and was never seen again. Top secret blueprints for a stadium in downtown Los Angeles - Oops!  I forgot that we are all supposed to pretend like that might not actually happen.  Forget I said anything.  Hey... what is this red laser dot in the middle of my forehea- The real "correct" Mayan calendar - I don't want to leak any spoilers or anything, but I wouldn't make any plans for June 14th, 2017. Jered Weaver's lost velocity - Unfortunately, Arte lost the instruction manual, so he has no idea how to re-install it.  Sigh. The rights to "Build Me Up Buttercup" - You didn't think the Angels play that every game because they like the song, did you?  Royalties, my friend, royalties. The incriminating photos of Mike Scioscia that Jeff Mathis had been blackmailing Sosh with all those years - Which is why Arte only had $125 million under his mattress instead of $225 million. Albert Pujols' long form birth certificate - And, no, you can NOT see it.  Not even you, Donald Trump. The disemboweled corpse of Tony Reagins - Presumably it is embalmed so that Arte can sleep at night without the stench of a decaying human body stinking up what I am sure is a palatial bedroom.  It seems like a bizarre souvenir to keep, but Moreno likes to keep it stashed away there to show to Jerry Dipoto what happened to the last guy that didn't go out and sign the big money free agent that Arte wanted. [follow]
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Lawrence Taylor's son pleads guilty to statutory rape

49ers FB Bruce Miller charged with vandalism

Report: Winston snubbed ESPN out of draft interview

Report: Some Colts players unhappy with first-round pick

Falcons GM Thomas Dimitroff: Focus is on Julio Jones contract


Irvin on Seahawks not picking up option: ‘F— that option’

Brandon Prust rips referee, accuses him of on-ice trash talk

LeBron James ditched headband to look more like teammates

Report: Stephen Curry to be named NBA MVP

Milwaukee Brewers fire manager Ron Roenicke

Drafted player changes Twitter name to ‘Pick 245′

Ole Miss fan got pregnant because of upset over Alabama

Willie Cauley-Stein legally changes middle name to 'Trill'

Marcus Mariota welcomed to Tennessee with billboard

Five takeaways from the first round of the NBA playoffs

NFL has a Los Angeles Rams webpage

10 undrafted free agents who could become NFL stars

WATCH: ESPN reporter calls first First Take a 'train wreck'

Mike Trout criticized for tweet about Floyd Mayweather Jr.

Early 2016 NFL Draft prospect rankings

Life without Love: The new-look Cavaliers

Wizards deserve credit for win, but don't read too much into it

Here's why Mayweather-Pacquiao was business as usual

MLB News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Cauley-Stein changes middle name to 'Trill'

NFL has Los Angeles Rams webpage

10 undrafted free agents to watch

Report: Winston snubbed ESPN

Life without Love: The new-look Cavs

Drafted player changes Twitter name to ‘Pick 245′

Floyd Mayweather Punch Out mock video game is great

Report: Steph Curry to be NBA MVP

Kelly: Tebow here to compete for job

Tony Allen booed for being rude?

Lindsey Vonn, Tiger Woods break up

Pacquiao fought with injured shoulder?

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.