Editors note: Please do not mistake "payoff" for "playoffs" since this is an article about the Pittsburgh Pirates. This article is written in hybrid language: English and Parrotnese. All photos are the property of the website owner and may not be used with out Parrot consent.
There are times I wish I had gone to Planned Parrothood before opening my beak.
Blah, blah, blah. People thought I was talking gobble, gobble, gobble, turkey, when I was just acting like a jive turkey talking parrot.
Unfortunately, my prediction the 2012 Pittsburgh Pirates would win 81 games proved wrong, cursing me with a case of the chirphes, a canerial disease with no known tweetment. The only way to soothe the symptoms is to honor my beakin' words and dress as a Parrot rocking a Pittsburgh Pirates jersey for Halloween.
I could have claimed Polynesia (memory loss in parrots) of the promise I made back in March, however, my friends made it quite clear that this was unacceptable behavior and people were demanding I shake my tail feathers.
So I shook my tail feathers in celebration of the Pittsburgh Pirates 20th consecutive losing season.
Lookout Mountain Phoenix, AZ -10/31/12 -(yes, I'm considering flight)
So, how does all this Pirate Parrot costume stuff happen?
Let's look at the facts:
In March of 2011, I mentioned in The Show Speak 2011 baseball preview there was no way the Pirates would have a winning season. Quote: I'll be the Pirates Parrot for Halloween 2011 if the Pirates have a winning season.
The Pirates teased baseball for the first half of the season, however, they comfortably cruised to a 72-90 record in 2011 - keeping me from going to the birds.
Going into the 2012 season, I thought the Pirates may have a chance to crack 81 wins, which would have been their first winning season in 20 years. My friends told me in no uncertain terms to quit chirping and not be weak, back it up with your beak.
No problem - the Pirates were entering the 2012 season with one of baseball's brightest stars, Andrew McCutchen, and they play in a division that housed two of the worst baseball teams in Major League Baseball - the Houston Astros and Chicago Cubs.
My bird brain thoughts chirped if the Pirates were going to crack the 81 win mark for the first time in two decades, this was the year.
Bird droppings from The Show Speak March 2012
The Pirates will sport a winning record for the first time since Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit was popular 20 years ago-- and YES, I will rock the Pirate Parrot costume this year for Halloween if the Pirates do NOT win 81 games. (tie goes to the writer)
Chase Field, Phoenix, AZ Oct 31, 2012
Things were going so well for the Pirates, I started chirping about what a shoe in it was for the Pirates to win 81 games. Hell, people were talking playoffs for the Pirates in 2012. Playoffs for godsake.
Excerpt from an overconfident Parrot, July 27, 2012:
That's right America.
You may have to wait another Halloween to see me dressed up in the Pittsburgh Pirates Parrot costume that I so brazenly said I would rock if the Pittsburgh Pirates did NOT win 81 games this year.
Most of you laughed.
Some of you didn't care.
A few of you wanted me to check into a hospital to care for those with delusional thinking.
The laughs on you.
All the Pirates need to do is take care of business against the likes of the lowly Houston Astros, Chicago Cubs, and San Diego Padres. The schedule is friendly as the Pirates play the anemic Chicago Cubs 10 more times this year. The Astros? They are on the Bucs schedule nine times. Throw in the San Diego Padres six times and you have the potential for 25 wins right there.
What was I thinking?
These are the Pirates....losers for 19 consecutive seasons.....losers since Sid Bream hopped home on Barry Bonds anemic throw in the 1992 playoffs....losers since GB1 was in the White House....losers since before Bryce Harper was born.
And then, the Pirates became the Pirates.
They were 19-39 after August 1, 2012.
The Pirates finished with 79 wins.
Today, I was the Pirate Parrot rocking a Pittsburgh Pirates jersey for Halloween.
I backed the beak up.
Until Next Time,
Happy Halloween - and look for my baseball predictions in March of 2013. Cub fans may have something to look forward to.
I hope all Pirate fans in baseball heaven and Pirate fans still with us enjoyed the Parrot run. It was definitely fun, regardless of the ridiculousness.