Originally posted on The Sports Bank  |  Last updated 5/28/13
Philadelphia-phillies
Let the Cubs fans go back to hating the Cardinals. Let the White Sox fans go back to hating the Twins. Let’s end this manufactured charade that the media spins into a so-called “rivalry.” In 2008, I attended a Chicago Cubs home game on a first date with a young woman who revealed during early in the game that she was “good friends” with Alfonso Soriano. I thought maybe she was just playing the “oh, look at what famous athletes are interested in me, doesn’t that really impress you?” card. For some odd reason, extremely insecure and very vapid women love to run this trick play against me; as if it would actually work? Sadly, this group of women actually includes some female “journalists” I know. Back to Soriano girl, she claimed to have his bank pin number and showed me some Facebook photos I could have lived without seeing. Coincidentally, this game happened to be the exact same one in which Sori got hit by a pitch, injured and placed on IR for 6 weeks. My “date” was right there at his every beck and call that evening. So maybe she was “close friends” with him; maybe she was something more. She was kind of a disgusting human being with very little going on upstairs anyway, so who really cares?? She seemed to hate her job and her life, so I don’t really miss her white, pudgy St. Louis Cardinals fan butt. The only reason I even bring this up 5 years later is…it’s by far the worst experience at the ballpark I ever had. Until last night. I witnessed Ronnie Woo Woo signing autographs on the concourse at U.S. Cellular Field. Think about that White Sox fans. A homeless man in full Cubs uniform that drunk meathead morons mistake for Ernie Banks, was signing autographs at The Cell. He was being treated like a rock star at the home of the White Sox. How many levels can something be so wrong on? Did we mention the horrible weather? And the terrible attendance. 30,000?? Right. If there were 30,000 fan at The Cell last night then I’m 7’3″. I’m as tall as Hasheem Thabeet. And in the fact that both teams are headed nowhere fast this season? And for pretty much the entire game the White Sox had one hit. Quoting Harry Doyle (Bob Uecker’s character in Major League): “1 hit? That’s all we got, one God Damn hit?” I know you can’t say God Damn in this article. No one will read this anyway, who cares? Jeff Samardiajaaasaiazsasjjaa (I don’t care enough to look up the correct spelling of his name right now. Oh, you “Domers” don’t like that disrespect do you? Notre Dame? Donnnn’t Carrrrrre) looked like Cy Young as held the Sox to 2 hits. A WHOPPING 2 hits for the White Sox. I want my money back; and my ticket was free. (CC High Gloss and Sauce) I would pay much more money to see Alfonso Ribeiro than Alfonso Soriano; doing anything.  Alfonso Abraham Lincoln Ribeiro (yes, that really is his name) or Carlton Banks from “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” might have been enough to redeem this evening. I know, asking for Alfonso Ribeiro is asking for a lot. But that’s what was required, for a disaster of this magnitude. Soriano is everything that is wrong with the Cubs. Just like Adam Dunn is everything that is wrong with the White Sox. Since we can’t get rid of the entire team at once; in both cases. Let’s just dismiss the two biggest overpaid, under-producing, money stealing eyesores. And dismiss this goofy exhibition series that MLB calls a rivalry. Paul M. Banks is the owner of The Sports Bank.net. He’s also an author who also contributes regularly to MSN, Fox Sports , Chicago Now, Walter Football.com and Yardbarker Banks has appeared on the History Channel, as well as Clear Channel, ESPN and CBS radio all over the world. President Barack Obama follows him on Twitter (@PaulMBanks), like him on Facebook The post Time to dismiss Cubs vs White Sox Series; Soriano and Dunn too appeared first on The Sports Bank.Net.
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