Originally written April 15, 2013 on IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR, IT IS caught:
Andy Pettitte is out until Friday.  He hurt his back getting off the couch.Listen: I don't know goulash about pitching. I've never played in the majors, and I have no answers when it comes to sparing elbows from the curse of Tommy John. But dammit, I do know couches. And if you don't know what you're doing when you climb onto one of those pillowy death traps, well, Mr. Sciatica, you might as well bungee jump from an airplane. Those things will end your career faster than you can say Donny Baseball.You get onto a couch after drinking, and - boom - it's morning. After he's pitched seven innings, giving Andy a couch would be like handing heroin to a child. So what was Andy doing on the couch?We all know the answer: the devil box. Yes, he was camped and boneless, eating chips, probably not using a secondary pillow, and watching some zombie show, with his back tightening as the shambling dead advanced. I just hope he didn't throw out his lumbago while reaching...
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