Well that was pretty embarrassing. In fact, it was so embarrassing that let's just go ahead and list all the cool things that happened and then maybe we can decide which is the worst.
1. Getting swept by a team that has finished last in their division for four straight years, hasn't had a winning season since 1997, hasn't broken 70 wins since 2005, and once again has an over/under win total in Vegas of sub-70 by a combined score of 15-5. Actually I'm pretty sure this is the most embarrassing part, but there are all kinds of embarrassing parts that make up this part, so let's keep going.
2. Getting two hit through 7 innings by Jake Arrieta, who is at least a semi-prospect and the best pitcher the Twins' faced in the series. Still, Arrieta is in his third year and has yet to post an ERA under 4.60 or a WHIP under 1.46 in a season, and using game score as a metric
he has never pitched a game that scored 75 or higher (for reference, there were 354 such games last year alone). Well, he never had, that is, until opening day against Minnesota where his 7ip-2h-2bb-4k masterpiece scored exactly 75. So yes, that means Arrieta best game of his career was this last one. Great.
3. Getting shutout for 7+ innings by Tommy Hunter, a failed prospect who is already on his second team in just his fifth year. He's only been good enough once to make more than 20 starts in a season and ended up in long relief with Texas before being traded to Baltimore for a set-up man. The Twins finally scored, but because the rally started with an error both runs they scored were unearned. This wasn't Hunter's best game, game score-wise, but it was just the third time in his career he pitched at least 7 innings without giving up an earned run.
4. Getting no hit for 7 innings by Jason Hammel, a journeyman who is on his third team in his 7th year and spent two years as a reliever and has as career ERA of 5. My calculation of his game score puts him at 78, one less K worse than his career best of 79. Considering he allowed zero hits over the first seven innings, I think we can consider this the best start of his career, meaning two of the three starters the Twins faced put up a career best day, while the third guy was merely put up one of his best starts. That, my friends, is a pretty ****** indicator for how this season is likely to go from here.
5. Collectively the Twins scored one earned run (and 3 total) and tallied 10 hits against those three starters in 22 innings while striking out 12 times. Yes, that's more Ks than hits and one run per game against three pitchers who all have a career ERA over 4.40. The Twins overall are batting .163 (28th in MLB), with an OBP of 238 (30th) and a SLG of .228 (30th). Their five runs and 15 hits also rank dead last. Pitching ranks 26th in ERA and 24th in opponents' batting average, dead last in strikeouts, and the Twins are one of only four teams who haven't had a quality start yet.
6. The Twins are paying $23 million this year to a player who hit 1-for-10 and whose only hit was a weak infield groundball that managed to be hit in a perfect spot for an infield hit. Two of their "biggest" free agent acquisitions (Jayme Carroll and Ryan Doumit) hit a combined 0-for-18. The team managed just three extra base hits (2 for Morneau, 1 for Willingham) and were out-homered 5-to-1. Yeah that was a whole bunch at once but I'm getting frustrated.
Getting swept, and convincingly swept, by a terrible team while getting completely shutdown by three sub-par pitchers. Is it possible to open a season any worse? At least there are only 159 games to go.