Opening Day 2011 Diary!
Seattle @ Oakland.
We pick up the action with 3.5 innings gone. I’m late because it took me three innings to find a stream. (I’m too stupid to figure out streamtorrent just yet.)
This is an outrage, because the Mariners suck ****. They should pay me to watch this ****** team.
Surprise surprise. The Mariners trail 2-1. Honestly it’s shocking they scored a run. What a pile of horseshit this team is.
Felix Hernandez is on the hill. We’re wasting another year of this guy. Can we trade him to the Yankees now and get the future here a little quicker? He’s too good to waste here with this collection of assholes.
SEA 1 – OAK 2 after 4.
Top 5 some porky fuckhole is at the plate. Oh it’s Jack Cust! Cust manages to work a 3-1 count into a strikeout. I wrote this before it happened but then it happened. **** him.
I feel like someone bet Jack Zduriencik he couldn’t field a team with nobody who scares opposing pitchers.
Justin Smoak draws a walk. **** him. Justin Smoak is so ****** the fact that he was walked prompts a call to the bullpen.
Miguel Olivo gets a hit, and we’re in business! This is the first rally I’ve watched this season.
Btw, the middle of our lineup is Cust, Smoak, and Olivo. On opening day. **** anyone who tells you we stand a chance to finish anything higher than last in the AL West.
Ryan Langerhans k’s to end the inning with two runners on. Get used to it.
During the commercial break let’s view this lineup:
Ichiro – RF
Figgins – 3B
Bradley – LF
Cust – DH
Smoak – 1B
Olivo – C
Langerhans – CF
Ryan – SS
Wilson – 2B
Hernandez – SP
Seriously. Except for Ichiro and Hernandez, this is not a major league team.
The A’s have two errors. I have no doubt that’s where our run came from. Felix is rolling a little.
SEA 1 – OAK 2 through 5.
Let’s see if Ryan, Wilson, and Ichiro can get it going here in the 6th.
Oh, you said Breeeennnndan Ryan. (Still don’t know who this is.) Base on balls.
Wilson bunts Ryan over. Runner on second one out. A’s are going to the bullpen. Any time the Mariners approach offensive competence this causes such panic in the A’s that they change pitchers.
Ichiro knocks in Ryan with a slappy opposite field single! Felix is back to a no-decision! Honestly I have my doubts that Ryan touched the plate, but Oakland seems to have conceded it.
I wonder how much Figgins would pay to be on a winning team?
Ichiro is caught running during a pickoff move. Figgins hits a ******* HOME RUN! **** YOU ICHIRO YOU COST US A RUN YOU *******!
Bombs lead 3-2.
It won’t last.
If you’re wondering Chone Figgins hit one hr last year. He’s never hit 10 in a season. That was a rarity.
Bradley backward k’s.
This A’s lineup is secretly just as bad as ours.
Baseball is a really boring sport. I watch 1/3 of the baseball I’ll watch all year on opening day.
Felix is dealing. 7 pitch 6th inning.
Through 6 innings:
SEA 3 – OAK 2
Jack Cust…walks! He tried to strike out.
Smoak doubles. This team is on fire. They’re trying to make me look stupid!
Miguel Olivo hits a chopper and Cust scores. The first baseman dropped the ******* ball for no reason. 3 errors on the A’s.
And the A’s throw a pickoff move into the RF bullpen. Smoak scores. Olivo to 3rd. IF YOU COMMIT 4 ERRORS AND FELIX IS PITCHING THE MARINERS MIGHT BEAT YOU!!
Langerhans k’s for the third time. The Bombs have struck out for 11 of their 19 outs so far. That is impressive.
Ryan grounds to the left side of the infield but the catcher can’t make the tag. Bombs score again! They can’t be stopped!
Kurt Suzuki is down. Olivo plowed over him. Catcher on catcher violence.
Not to be mean, but Ryan should try to steal here with Suzuki hurt.
Hit and run Jack Wilson with a single to right. Ryan to 3rd. These assholes look competent.
Ichiro grounds into a double play. Our best player cost us two runs since I’ve been watching.
A’s don’t sniff a scoring opportunity in the 7th. Felix has only allowed 3 hits.
Through 7.
SEA 6 – OAK 2
Chone Figgins reaches on the A’s 5th error. The A’s might be worse than the Mariners. I didn’t know this was possible. Revised prediction. Tied for 3rd with Oakland.
Bradley lines out to 2nd and Figgins is doubled off.
Cust walks for a third time. He’s a mad genius.
Smoak k’s. He’s been competent tonight. (That’s not backhanded but it seems like it.)
Felix lets the first two runners get on in the bottom of the 7th. Maybe time for the old pen.
Force out at third, but Figgins flies the throw to first drawing Smoak off. 1 down runners at the corners.
Felix gets a double play. Bombs in business.
Through 8
SEA 6 – OAK 2
Olivo k’s on three pitches. Mariners have struck out 13 times tonight.
Langerhans makes it 14.
Ryan flies out.
Mercifully, it’s the bottom of the 9th. Bombs up 4. No way they blow this!
Felix will finish this. Going for the complete game on opening night. God dammit he’s awesome. 94 pitches so far.
In contrast Oakland has gone through 6 pitchers to get here. Rested bullpens are overrated.
First batter flies out.
Felix ***** with Dejesus. Only k number four, but who’s complaining?
And Felix finishes the game with a k.
M’s win! M’s win! It’s a mirage they still suck.
**** this team!
Original Story:
