49ers Patrick Willis jokes = hilarious

Posted December 22, 2007
Patrick_willis
Patrick Willis once sacked the quarterback before the ball was snapped. He was not offsides. Patrick Willis wears pads and a helmet because it is mandated by the league rules. Everyone else in the NFL wears pads and a helmet because of Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis once returned a fumble and an interception for a touchdown on the same play. Patrick Willis likes his eggs sunny side up, with salt, pepper, and ground wide receiver. Chances are, at some point in your life, you have, or will be tackled by Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis does not think that comparisons between himself and Ray Lewis are fair. He is only to be compared to Babe-Jordan-Gretzky. It has been said that Barry Bonds once hit a homerun and the ball never landed. This is not true. The story has been confused with that of the time that Patrick Willis once hit a running back, who never landed. Patrick Willis once tackled a running back simply by looking at him. Patrick Willis does not wear a cup. His balls tackle anything that comes their way. Patrick Willis tackled the Virgin Mary and Jesus was born. Patrick Willis knows exactly where in the world Carmen San Diego is...because he dropped her ass for a 5 yard loss. Patrick Willis wasnt the eleventh pick of the draft, he was the first... TWICE. Patrick Willis doesn't wear condoms because there is no protection from Patrick Willis. The NFL has renamed the "injury list" to "Hotel Willis" For his workouts, Patrick Willis bench presses Larry Allen. On draft day, commissioner Goodell offered his hand in congratulations. Instead, Patrick Willis tackled him through the podium. If Patrick Willis and Chuck Norris were in a room at the same time it would prematurely cause the second coming of christ. Patrick Willis plays Linebacker, because if he played running back he would still get tackled by Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis doesn't get wet, the rain is afraid of him. Football is like a one man cold to Patrick Willis, he's the only one catching it, he's the only one coming down with it. When Patrick Willis was born, he was already flagged for unnecessary roughness. Patrick Willis is immortal, solely because the grim reaper is scared to get tackled by him.
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
8 Comments:
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Hernandez allegedly shot friend after fight over strip club bill

Report: Andre Johnson requests to be traded or released

James Harden suspended for groin kick to LeBron James

Mark Cuban will play the President in 'Sharknado 3'

Five most exciting one-bid conference tournaments

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Redskins interested in Ndamukong Suh

Report: Darrelle Revis likely to hit free agent market

Le'Veon Bell could face up to a four-game suspension

Report: Giants place franchise tag on Jason Pierre-Paul

Vikings GM: Team has spoken with Adrian Peterson

Yu Darvish on notion he quit on Rangers: ‘That’s BS‘

Who received franchise tags at the deadline and who did not

WATCH: Whiteside, Len ejected after getting into wrestling match

WATCH: Texas-Baylor fight leads to seven ejections

Nik Stauskas wears Michigan State gear after lost bet

Bret Bielema takes away player's car after DUI

NHL player traded after daughter's heartbreaking letter

Curt Schilling unloads on Twitter trolls again

Pirates Corey Hart cut his foot getting into a whirlpool

Steve Spurrier joins Twitter, jabs Clemson

Michael Jordan makes his first Forbes billionaire list

Nick Young rips ESPN anchor over Iggy Azalea insult

Sad LeBron literally looks in mirror after loss to Rockets

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Five potential landing spots for Andre Johnson

Texas-Baylor fight leads to 7 ejections

Mark Cuban will be Prez in 'Sharknado 3'

Report: Redskins interested in Suh

Report: Revis likely to hit free agency

Steve Spurrier joins Twitter

MJ makes Forbes billionaire list

Nick Young fires back at Robert Flores

Sad LeBron literally looks in mirror after loss to Rockets

MLS 2015 season preview

Report: Broncos to franchise Demaryius

James Harden kicks LeBron in groin

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.