49ers Patrick Willis jokes = hilarious

Patrick Willis once sacked the quarterback before the ball was snapped. He was not offsides. Patrick Willis wears pads and a helmet because it is mandated by the league rules. Everyone else in the NFL wears pads and a helmet because of Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis once returned a fumble and an interception for a touchdown on the same play. Patrick Willis likes his eggs sunny side up, with salt, pepper, and ground wide receiver. Chances are, at some point in your life, you have, or will be tackled by Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis does not think that comparisons between himself and Ray Lewis are fair. He is only to be compared to Babe-Jordan-Gretzky. It has been said that Barry Bonds once hit a homerun and the ball never landed. This is not true. The story has been confused with that of the time that Patrick Willis once hit a running back, who never landed. Patrick Willis once tackled a running back simply by looking at him. Patrick Willis does not wear a cup. His balls tackle anything that comes their way. Patrick Willis tackled the Virgin Mary and Jesus was born. Patrick Willis knows exactly where in the world Carmen San Diego is...because he dropped her ass for a 5 yard loss. Patrick Willis wasnt the eleventh pick of the draft, he was the first... TWICE. Patrick Willis doesn't wear condoms because there is no protection from Patrick Willis. The NFL has renamed the "injury list" to "Hotel Willis" For his workouts, Patrick Willis bench presses Larry Allen. On draft day, commissioner Goodell offered his hand in congratulations. Instead, Patrick Willis tackled him through the podium. If Patrick Willis and Chuck Norris were in a room at the same time it would prematurely cause the second coming of christ. Patrick Willis plays Linebacker, because if he played running back he would still get tackled by Patrick Willis. Patrick Willis doesn't get wet, the rain is afraid of him. Football is like a one man cold to Patrick Willis, he's the only one catching it, he's the only one coming down with it. When Patrick Willis was born, he was already flagged for unnecessary roughness. Patrick Willis is immortal, solely because the grim reaper is scared to get tackled by him.