Michael Phelps New Spokesperson for Noassattol

Michael Phelps is not letting his unprecedented success go to his head. The National Noassattol Defamation League has announced that Phelps will serve as their new spokesperson, replacing Martin Gramatica.The president of the association, Ronald Sticks, applauded Phelps' decision to fight flat-ass discrimination. Sticks explained, "Michael knows that people born without any posterior face daunting persecution in nearly every field of life. People without a booty are unfairly discriminated against in the dating world, have found it difficult to land jobs in the hip-hop dance and exotic entertainment fields, and generally are looked down upon in society. As the world's most famous sufferer of Noassattol, Michael can put a lot of these negative stereotypes to bed."As if to illustrate the difficulties faced by those plagued by Noassattol, conservative figure and radio talk show host Bill Bennett mocked Phelps' decision. According to Bennett, "This is just anot...