Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/18/14
Despite several aggressive and haunting beatings provided by Vikings fans to the contrary, those god damn rumors about former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher joining the Minnesota Vikings just won't die. Fans have tried breaking the rumors' nose, shattering several ribs, burning their house down, and threatening legal action, all to no avail. Somehow, these rumors keep coming back, and sometimes even stronger. Which raises the question; will Vikings fans have to plan an assassination attempt on these Brian Urlacher to the Vikings rumors before they go away? We investigate. Vikings fans are persistent. When the team let former middle linebacker Jasper Brinkley walk in free agency, that was when the rumors first started showing up around the local pool halls. Vikings fans were just playing a nice game of pool, shooting some balls and drinking some beers, when this rumor appeared and casually started dropping hints to fans like, "Hey, your team always signs old NFC North rival players. Urlacher may be available soon. You guys should pick him up." The rumors didn't stand a chance immediately, as they were taken out in the back alley, beaten to a pulp of flesh and left for dead behind a rat filled dumpster. But that wasn't even close to the end of them. A while later the Chicago Bears actually stated formally that they were no longer going to pursue signing Urlacher back to their team, stating that the franchise was not able to come to terms. Urlacher was free to sign with anyone he wanted to, and the beacon shone brightest on the Vikings with their now large gap at the middle linebacker position. The rumors appeared again then, bumping into Vikings fans at the local shopping mart in the meat aisle. Alarmed, Vikings fans would grab anything within reach ... French baguettes, frozen 16 pound turkeys, two liter bottles of Pepsi ... and savagely destroy the face of these rumors once more. With nerves running high, Vikings fans tried to rationalize out what this all meant while calling for a clean up on aisle seven. OK, OK, maybe the Vikings would sign Urlacher for a year while they drafted a middle linebacker in the upcoming NFL Draft. That was awful, but not the worst thing, right? RIGHT?! Thinking it was settled, Vikings fans found themselves both ecstatic and worried after the NFL Draft had passed. The team did draft a linebacker in the draft, two of them in fact, but neither of whom are considered Day One starters or are traditional middle linebackers. The position is still a question mark, and Vikings fans started noticing suspicious cars driving by their house at night with the lights off, assuming the worst. And they were right to do so. Tuesday it leaked out that Urlacher is allegedly down to deciding between the Denver Broncos or the Minnesota Vikings, while leaning towards signing with the Vikings. This comes days after the rookie mini camps occurred, which likely told the Vikings brass that they didn't have the immediate solution at middle linebacker they were hoping for through the draft. The rumors all of a sudden stopped being so secretive and started obviously bumping into Vikings fans. Fender benders with the rumor, being outbid on eBay by the rumor, the rumor is sleeping with Vikings fans wives now. When will it end?! There is only one thing left to do. Buy some napalm and put an end to these rumors once and for all. Perhaps Brian Urlacher does sign with the Vikings to fill that middle linebacker spot. So be it. But then Urlacher, the Vikings, and these rumors will have to watch from inside hellfire as Vikings fans reach their final straw and burn the rumors to the ground. It won't be pretty, but it will be necessary to prevent this outrage. [follow]
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

How much will Rousey and Zingano make for their fight?

Browns agree to three-year deal with Josh McCown

Peterson releases statement, no mention of the Vikings

Bulls general manager expects Derrick Rose back in 4-6 weeks

Ray Allen reportedly will not sign with Cavaliers if he returns


Shane Vereen squashes rumor he wants $5 million per season

Jon Gruden on Meyer: 'Greatest coaching job of all time'

Vince Young to work out at NFL Veteran Combine

Report: Mike Wallace unwilling to restructure contract

Report: Colts targeting Brandon Marshall

Rakeem Christmas leads Syracuse in exercise of futility

WATCH: Knicks' Alexey Shved tosses wild pass into stands

Ten players ready to make the leap in 2015

WATCH: Reggie Bush says he won't quit football

PHOTO: ECHL team will wear Dr. Seuss jerseys

Report: Baron Davis in talks to join a contending team

Earl Lloyd and basketball’s cruel February

Pirates issue statement about ISIS executioner in team hat

WATCH: Dress debate threatens to derail Brooklyn Nets’ season

FIFA gave Fox the 2026 World Cup to avoid a lawsuit

WATCH: Charles Barkley rips analytics... again

Dark horse World Series contenders in 2015

The Jacksonville Jaguars need to step up

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Earl Lloyd and basketball’s cruel February

WATCH: Barkley rips analytics again

A-Rod: A con man returns to baseball

Bostick death threats show why some fans take sports too seriously

Russell Westbrook is surging into the MVP conversation

Five-round NFL Mock Draft

Key offseason moves for every MLB team

Rousey, Arianny Celeste get into it

Dallas sportscaster back with another powerful essay

The parallels of Rose and Hardaway

Offseason breakdown for all 32 NFL teams

On Josh Hamilton's addiction and feeling alone

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.