Found May 15, 2013 on
Purple Jesus Diaries:
Despite several aggressive and haunting beatings provided by Vikings fans to the contrary, those god damn rumors about former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher joining the Minnesota Vikings just won't die. Fans have tried breaking the rumors' nose, shattering several ribs, burning their house down, and threatening legal action, all to no avail. Somehow, these rumors keep coming back, and sometimes even stronger.
Which raises the question; will Vikings fans have to plan an assassination attempt on these Brian Urlacher to the Vikings rumors before they go away? We investigate.
Vikings fans are persistent. When the team let former middle linebacker Jasper Brinkley walk in free agency, that was when the rumors first started showing up around the local pool halls. Vikings fans were just playing a nice game of pool, shooting some balls and drinking some beers, when this rumor appeared and casually started dropping hints to fans like, "Hey, your team always signs old NFC North rival players. Urlacher may be available soon. You guys should pick him up." The rumors didn't stand a chance immediately, as they were taken out in the back alley, beaten to a pulp of flesh and left for dead behind a rat filled dumpster.
But that wasn't even close to the end of them. A while later the Chicago Bears actually stated formally that they were no longer going to pursue signing Urlacher back to their team, stating that the franchise was not able to come to terms. Urlacher was free to sign with anyone he wanted to, and the beacon shone brightest on the Vikings with their now large gap at the middle linebacker position. The rumors appeared again then, bumping into Vikings fans at the local shopping mart in the meat aisle. Alarmed, Vikings fans would grab anything within reach ... French baguettes, frozen 16 pound turkeys, two liter bottles of Pepsi ... and savagely destroy the face of these rumors once more. With nerves running high, Vikings fans tried to rationalize out what this all meant while calling for a clean up on aisle seven. OK, OK, maybe the Vikings would sign Urlacher for a year while they drafted a middle linebacker in the upcoming NFL Draft. That was awful, but not the worst thing, right? RIGHT?!
Thinking it was settled, Vikings fans found themselves both ecstatic and worried after the NFL Draft had passed. The team did draft a linebacker in the draft, two of them in fact, but neither of whom are considered Day One starters or are traditional middle linebackers. The position is still a question mark, and Vikings fans started noticing suspicious cars driving by their house at night with the lights off, assuming the worst. And they were right to do so.
Tuesday it leaked out that Urlacher is allegedly down to deciding between the Denver Broncos or the Minnesota Vikings, while leaning towards signing with the Vikings. This comes days after the rookie mini camps occurred, which likely told the Vikings brass that they didn't have the immediate solution at middle linebacker they were hoping for through the draft. The rumors all of a sudden stopped being so secretive and started obviously bumping into Vikings fans. Fender benders with the rumor, being outbid on eBay by the rumor, the rumor is sleeping with Vikings fans wives now. When will it end?!
There is only one thing left to do. Buy some napalm and put an end to these rumors once and for all. Perhaps Brian Urlacher does sign with the Vikings to fill that middle linebacker spot. So be it. But then Urlacher, the Vikings, and these rumors will have to watch from inside hellfire as Vikings fans reach their final straw and burn the rumors to the ground. It won't be pretty, but it will be necessary to prevent this outrage.
BEST OF MAXIM
JOINING THE RIVALS?
Former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher reportedly is "leaning toward" signing on with his former team's division rivals, the Minnesota Vikings.
Michael Sneed of the Chicago Sun-Times reported that former Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher has been chatting with the Vikings and Broncos. He mentioned that he’s leaning toward signing with Minnesota right now. According to Mike Klis of the Denver Post, the Broncos aren’t interested in Urlacher. Sorry Brian: #Broncos are not interested in MLB Brian Urlacher. As in period....
After a lot of speculation that former Chicago Bears’ linebacker, Brian Urlacher, was ready to sign with the team’s division rivals, the Minnesota Vikings, it appears that the Vikings will pass on the 35 year old linebacker, for now. According to NFL.com, the Vikings instead will chose to go with “in-house” players at inside linebacker. The team will move outside linebacker...
Michael Sneed of the Chicago Sun-Times is hearing that free agent LB Brian Urlacher is close to finding a new team.
Urlacher has reportedly been in contact with the Minnesota Vikings and the Denver Broncos in recent weeks.
“It’s getting close to happening, but Brian is leaning toward heading to Minnesota and is talking a one to two year contract,” said a source close to Urlacher...
It’s been a quiet offseason for Chicago Bears free agent
Brian Urlacher, who remains unsigned into OTAs. However, things could be
heating up, as Urlacher has been talking contract with the Denver Broncos and
Minnesota Vikings, according to Michael Sneed of The Chicago Sun-Times.
A source close to Urlacher told Sneed that the linebacker is
close to making a decision, adding that...
Brian Urlacher, at one time one of the most feared linebackers in the NFL, needs a job. For a while the rumor mill had him close to getting one with the hated rival of former team, but the word coming from Minnesota is much different.
If that wasn't bad enough, it turns out that the Denver Broncos were never really interested either.
Come on! Someone has to want me...
At 34 years of age and recently fighting the injury bug, former Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher isn’t the player he once was. Gone are the days when Urlacher dominated the middle and struck fear into the hearts of opposing running backs. However, just because he is no longer as dominant as he used to be doesn’t mean Urlacher won’t be an effective...
The Brian Urlacher rumors continue to make the rounds, and they continue to get shot down like a brittle clay pigeon. It’s not happening anytime soon, so pay no mind to unsubstantiated rumors.
It appears that Brian Urlacher will not be joining the Minnesota Vikings — for now.
A report came out on Monday from the Chicago Sun-Times that Urlacher was “close” to signing with the Vikings on a one- or two-year deal. Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier nixed those rumors on Tuesday, though.
“Brian has been a great player in our league for a long, long time,” Frazier said...
Sounding like a parakeet, Chicago Bears general manager Phil Emery reiterated on Wednesday that free agent middle linebacker Brian Urlacher rejoining the team is “less likely to happen than more likely.” Taken by Chicago out of the University of New Mexico ninth overall in the 2000 draft, the 34-year-old Urlacher rejected the Bears one-year offer for $2 million in March. The...
Minnesota Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier told NFL AM that they don’t plan on going after former Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher right now.
“Brian has been a great player in our league for a long, long time,” Frazier said, via NFL.com. “He was a thorn in our side for many years. At this point we want to look at the guys on our roster, give them a chance to compete for the...
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. Adrian Peterson sped back from major knee surgery as quick as anyone ever has, so it's no surprise to hear he's almost fully back after having sports hernia surgery following last season.
Speaking on NFL AM on NFL Network Wednesday morning, Minnesota Vikings coach Leslie Frazier said Peterson has been slowed in his offseason workouts because of surgery...
Much like Brian Urlacher the market for former Green Bay Packers defensive back Charles Woodson has been exceptionally cold. Since his visit with the San Francisco 49ers in March there hasn’t been any mentions of him, anywhere. That changed today in a big way with multiple teams showing interest. They include the Denver Broncos, Oakland Raiders and the Carolina Panthers.
Mailbag (Facebook questions)
Bill Van Veghel
Market developing for Charles Woodson.
Buddy Nix steps down as Bills GM, what’s next?
Brian Urlacher has interest from the Vikings & Broncos?
Chargers suffer a major loss as 2012 first-round Melvin Ingram suffers a torn ACL.
Division Dissection (NFC West)