Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/10/14
So, this Minnesota Vikings season sucks. It's REAL bad. The team is bad, the staff is bad, everything is just bad and not fun and they just can't tear the Metrodome down fast enough. Naturally, when fans have to live through this type of crap experience we start questioning what changes need to be made to the team in order to get better again. Should we get a new quarterback? Would a better offensive line help? Maybe stop wearing purple pants, dammit? No stone is left unturned. And that includes Vikings fans recent, weird, infatuation with the fact that Leslie Frazier doesn't yell and emote enough on the sidelines. By Vikings fans account, if Coach Frazier would simply yell at his players when they did something wrong, or frown just a LITTLE bit harder, the team would have more wins, and the team would play better. It seems like a perfectly reasonable and scientific fact, so we thought today we'd take a look at a couple of different Leslie Frazier expressions and see just how many more wins the Vikings would have had this season if he would have shown these on the sidelines. Clearly, the team would have been MUCH better. LESLIE FRAZIER LAUGHING OK, so you dumb Vikings fans want to see more emotion out of Leslie Frazier on the sidelines? Think that will "loosen the team up" and "make them play harder"? Well, what if he was laughing the whole time? Would you enjoy that? Do you think if he started laughing when the Vikings were getting anal probed by the Packers that the team would have turned it around? Or do you think that you would have lost your **** and been like, "GOD DAMMIT FRAZIER!!! WE'RE GETTING DEMOLISHED AND YOU JUST WANT TO LAUGH!! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT, YOU'RE RUINING MY DREAMS, I HAVE NO LOVE IN MY LIFE OTHER THAN A TEAM THAT HAS NEVER WON A SUPER BOWL, STOP LAUGHING AT ME PERSONALLY, GAGGAGAGHARARHGH!!"? I bet that's how it would have turned out instead. And really, laughing wouldn't have helped at all. Adjusted Wins with a Frazier Face Change: -1 LESLIE FRAZIER ANGRY FACE Oh yeah, here we go. No this is TOTALLY where the team would start playing better, right? Because when Chad Greenway misses a tackle, or Christian Ponder can't find a single open receiver, or the offensive line lies down mid-play and takes a nap, you want to make sure that the coach expresses the disappoint that YOU feel to the players that he works with and who you never see. So, if Frazier frowns, pursing his lips ever-so-slightly while looking at someone, or maybe looks sternly at a player, or crosses his arms and stares down a bad performing athlete on his way to the sidelines, it FOR SURE will inspire that player to greatness. That one look will overcome the adversity of coaching incompetence and personnel mis-matches all over the field, and make the team play better. THIS expression I totally agree with; a controlled anger WOULD, definitely, no question, make this team a better team. Adjusted Wins with a Frazier Face Change: A Sarcastic +5 LESLIE FRAZIER RAGE MODE But no ... NONONONONO ... Angry just doesn't cut it. You want to see your coach get MAD, fly off the handle, and physically assault those poor performing players on the sidelines, don't you? You want Frazier to throw his head set, start yelling obscenities and cursing at the dumb asses who gave up another sack, drench those fools in spittle, while completely losing his **** and embarrassing the franchise even more. Because if there is cooler than losing in awful fashion all season long, it's watching a head coach who doesn't have ANY composure, who freaks out all the time on the sidelines, yelling and coming close to a brain hemmorage, that will make you feel better about the team. But yeah, I mean, yelling always works with grown men, so this seems like the clearly best option, right? Adjusted Wins with a Frazier Face Change: -1 LESLIE FRAZIER INDIFFERENCE The perfect face! The face that says "Who cares, I'm collecting so much money right now, I was given a roster of drunk trees to coach, and I care as much at this point as all the players, fans, and everyone else associated with this franchise does, too." In other words, jeeze, when you're this bad who gives a ****? Adjusted Wins with a Frazier Face Change: Push Point being? SHUT UP ALREADY ABOUT FRAZIER NOT EMOTING ON THE SIDELINES. That has no affect on the team's record this year. He's getting fired anyway, so just sit back, and enjoy the dumpster fire. God, you people are idiots, most of the time. [follow]
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