I'm sure at one time or another we have heard a story from either our best friend, a family member, or even an office worker talk about being cheated on. It isn't a fun topic. Not for the listener or the person who was cheated on.
When a relationship of love is developed, a bond of trust is formed. You don't need a ring to know there is an unspoken agreement that the two of them are committed to each other and that you will not see other people. They are breaking their own bond of trust. Once the bond is broken, the cheated person will more than likely never be the same.
Their prism of "happy endings" are cracked and in some cases will never be fixed again. Sometimes the cheated one will view it as mistake, but the cruel thing or the most hurtful notion to them is that they viewed the mistake as being their own because they were dumb enough to trust their lover. While in other instances, the cheated will have vengeance in their soul, which will become their alley in getting through these hard times and getting even.
At this point, the cheated has a choice to make: Do they forgive their lover and try to make it work out or do they leave them?
Now, if you leave them, you are obviously going to be very guarded moving forward. You aren't going to be as trustworthy as you were before and you are going to protect yourself when it comes to getting hurt again. You'll have commitment issues. If you decide to stay put, then you can either forgive or forget, or...as my mother used to say... you can forgive, but you never forget. In this instance, let's go with the latter.
You'll stay with the person, but you will constantly remind that person they cheated on you. How do you do this? By being up their ass when they decide to go out with their friends and demand to know where they are going.You demand more gifts. You want them to bend over backwards to please you. You've been with them for so long you just want them to show they really care or have changed. Sometimes, the cheated tends to grow this attitude of making the guy/girl feel guilty for what they have done.
You want them to know they have wronged you and you are still pissed off about it. You went them to feel like you did when they cheated on you. You want them to feel the agony of their betrayal against you. It is just the constant reminder for the cheater that they are assholes and better do something nice for you in order for you to truly forgive them. Maybe the guy/girl has turned over a new leaf and it was just a mistake, but you still want them to know they have a lot of work to do in order for them to come back to your good graces.
That's what it feels like being a Bills fan to me these days.
It is cheated relationship in which the Bills have played the cheater role of Tony Soprano while we have been the Carmella Soprano of the football world, wilting away like a rose while not being able to trust the water poured on us to grow.
I've been so mind ****** by the 13 years of losing, that I can't possibly forget what these guys have done to us as fans. Sure, I've forgiven them and will stay with them through thick and thin, but I'm not going to forget the past heartache. The ********. Being fooled into believing we are on the right track only to then get thrown to the wolves.
I want them to prove to me hings are changing for the better. Sure, they can come out and say all the right things about "The brand being tarnished" and "they are getting a analytics team," but I'm not stupid or in this case, have selective amnesia.
I feel like I should be a prick to them for the way they have screwed over this fan base. Why should I give them a rights of passage? Because Russ Brandon is in charge (Even though he kind of was over the last five years) and they cut a few vets?
I remember when Gregg Williams took over and people were ecstatic he cut older guys like Henry Jones, John Holecek and Doug Flutie. Fast forward when Dick Jauron/Marv Levy booted Sam Adams, Lawyer Milloy, Troy Vincent and Eric Moulds. Within a season after Gailey took over, the Bills got rid of Marshawn Lynch, Terrell Owens, Lee Evans, Poz and Donte Whitner. Nothing the Bills have done this offseason has been different than in years past when a coaching change takes place. And what was the outcome of all these moves? Nada. Zilch. Just the same crap.
Now, maybe I'm pushing the panic button on free agency a bit too early, but I gotta tell you, I feel a little let down about what this team has done. I would have been in a good place if the Bills decided to let Levitre go and use the 8-million bucks on other pressing needs: WRs, CBs, LBs, or a TE. That 8-million dollars went to Leodis McKelvin and Manny Lawson. Two guys who had lost their jobs within the last two seasons.
Um, that doesn't sound like smart business, does it?
Spare me with the Titans being out of their mind for overpaying for Levitre. It is always easier for fans to say good riddance to talent who leave and are overpaid, but when the Bills overpay talent? Totally worth the money!!! Sorry, but I tend to remember after last year's free agent and extending players frenzy, the mindset for me was we could finally get over the hump of not catching a big fish in free agency. Now we seem to have gone back to the Larry Triplet and Spencer Johnson free agent days. I mean, they had a Manny Lawson press conference with him posing with the helmet and taking questions like he was Mario Williams.
THE GUY LOST HIS JOB LAST YEAR!!
Now, I get what the Bills are trying to do. They want to build through the draft, which is totally fine and has been done numerous times in NFL history.
There's just one problem: They ran the same plan in 2010 with the same GM.
We didn't know if Buddy was a smart GM in 2010 and we just let the unknown guide us into thinking we could make strides. Well, those strides may as well be skiing down a ski slope uncontrollably and pulling a Sonny Bono.
Outside of his 1st round picks -which you can find to be dubious in comparison to other players picked around those selections- his drafting track record has been a fricken disaster. The holes the Bills have to fill are almost identical to 2010's holes. So, why should I give him the benefit of the doubt? Because Ralph Wilson isn't around? Because Russ Brandon is the cliche machine?
I just can't. I need more proof.
Now, I get there are many who want to believe in the Bills and are living in a bubble of not letting negative vibes get in. Funny, but you have two halves of Bills fans, those who can't let go of the past and those who can forgive and forget.
Now, this is where we go back to the metaphor of you hearing the gripes of someone being cheated on. As a friend, you start trying to figure out what kind of advice you should give...
Do you tell them to move on or do you tell them to stay with their lover?
I've always been of the mindset that at the end of the day, no matter what the advice is you give, it is almost impossible to feel what that person is going through at that moment. Love is blind and because of that, it is easier for me to tell that person to leave and move on with their life. I'm not the one who has feelings towards that person in a romantic sense.
We can all have our own philosophy when it comes to believing the Bills are on the right track. For some, their love blinds them into thinking it will all eventually work out. And even if it doesn't, you still have each other during it. Misery loves company, right? However, for those who want to get back together and make their spouses lives a living hell because of how they have wronged them in the past, I have no problems with that either. It is your life in the end and you can act however you want.
I chose to be a dick to the Bills until they prove to me they have really changed.
They don't get the benefit of the doubt from me. There have been too many cheating moments from the franchise over the last 13 years and it is past the point of my fairy godmother waiving her magic wand and making me into a damn pimp. Yes, maybe I should just move on and not be so bitter towards how they tapped dance all over the heart I gave to them.
I just need to be romanced a hell of a lot more than the standard "We are sorry and we've changed" rhetoric. And Judging by their ineptness in free agency, it feels a lot like my spouse is just sleeping on the couch and refusing to take me out to dinner. It is as if the Bills assume I'm here for the long haul and don't need to do anything worthwhile for me.
Sorry, but you got to right those wrongs if you want me heart and soul back.