Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 10/23/14
Vikings_vs_seahawks_141d
Hey there, randy readers. Thanks for stopping by to get your shaft wet this Valentine's Day. If you purposefully choose to visit Purple Jesus Diaries today because you knew you had to perform later tonight and needed your mojo in high order for the midnight hour, well ... You're in luck. We're bringing out the anal beads for this special occasion, and are glad you stopped by. Today's theme is simple: Hop on to a recent Twitter hashtag meme (#CandyHeartRejects) and turn it around to some Minnesota Vikings player fun. While 4 year old Percy Harvin and I certainly wish you a happy Valentine's Day today, we also want to remind you that it's not all romance and roses. Don't forget to pull some hair, bite a nipple, lick a butthole, all the usual stuff. Show someone you REALLY love them, you know? By zip tying her wrists together. Anyway, let's have some fun today and talk about dirty stuff. Join us in the comments with your ideas about rejected candy hearts from Vikings players, and we'll get you started with some of our own here, after the jump: For the purpose of this exercise, we present to you TOTALLY REAL (*fake) submissions to the Candy Heart Company (is that an LLC?) that were made by Vikings players who were hoping to do something unique for their Valentine. As you can see, all of these were rejected, but that doesn't mean some of them weren't smart as hell. If we missed any, let us know in the comments: Adrian Peterson: IMMACULATE CONCEPTION? Percy Harvin: UR SMOKIN' Toby Gerhart: DO SEX NOW? Christian Ponder: TAKE IT OFF Chris Cook: DON'T MAKE ME Harrison Smith: BUMPIN UGLIES Leslie Frazier: MISSIONARY AUDIBLE Jared Allen: INTO BONDAGE Everson Griffen: LETS GET MAGICAL Chad Greenway: WHITE SEX Mistral Raymond: FOAM PARTY? Bill Musgrave: FOURTH & LONG Blair Walsh: LITTLE BIG 3RD LEG Chris Kluwe: CROTCH PUNTS VIKTOR the VIKING: Ragnar: HOBO NUZZLES Zygi: A SINGLE ROSE Brett Favre: DICK PICS? John David Booty: U GET ME HIGH Let us know if we missed any in the comments. Have a great day, folks. Pleasure yourself, or pleasure someone else, or do both at the same time. Let's win this day. Now I leave you with a reminder that I'm going to hell: Happy Valentine's Day! [follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

2014 World Series: Game Three live blog

Memorabilia dealer at center of Todd Gurley scandal fired

Colt McCoy on learning he was starting ‘it’s about f—ing time’

Four Questions for Game 3 of the World Series

Percy Harvin not planning on changing

Ricky Williams: People are let down when I turn down weed

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Joe Maddon opts out of contract with Rays

Randall Cobb: Contract situation played role in slow start

Notre Dame WR faces discipline if he hooked up with porn star?

PGA president calls Ian Poulter ‘lil girl’ for Nick Faldo comments

Belichick declines to address Revis' reported tardiness

Texas mayor delays Halloween for Friday night football game

8 NFL records that won’t be broken for a long time

Big trouble for Bruins: Chara out 4-6 weeks, possibly more

Blazers, Seahawks owner Paul Allen gives $100M to fight ebola

'FIFA 15' glitch turns goalie into headless giant with no arms

WATCH: HBO releases trailer of 'The Offseason: Kevin Durant'

Broncos corner snags INT, then takes pregnant wife to hospital

Gurley dressed up as a pirate for Halloween, yelled, 'Free me'

What the return of Luis Suarez means for Barcelona

Nick Saban pens touching letter after high school coach dies

NBA Replay Center readies for its debut on Opening Night

WATCH: Former NBAer delivers vicious flying elbow Down Under

RNS looking to add agents with existing client rosters

Vikings News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Trouble for Bruins: Chara out 4-6 weeks

Joe Maddon opts out of contract with Rays

NBA Replay Center debuts next week

World Series win = Giants dynasty?

Reliving the worst college football game of the last 10 years

NFL teams facing must-win scenarios in Week 8

What the return of Luis Suarez means for Barcelona

Programs with a lot on the line this week

Wilson denies rumored Harvin rift

Lakers: Steve Nash out for season

Is Mack Brown SMU's best option?

Are sports leagues finally getting serious about domestic violence?

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.