JACKSONVILLE, FL—Multiple sources have reported that Jacksonville Jaguars management has approached the weird old guy in the leather jacket that spent the past nine years hanging around the team’s facilities and have asked him to kindly vacate the premises. The loiterer in question, an area man named Jack Del Rio, was approached by team security late yesterday evening and asked if he could leave because he was kind of creeping everyone out.
“At first we didn’t really mind,” said Roy Albers, head of Jaguars security, of Del Rio's presence. “He didn’t seem to be bothering anyone, kind of just stood in the corner with that ‘80s leather jacket and smiled.” However, Albers explained, Del Rio took the team’s apathetic attitude towards him and football in general as an open invitation to attend team functions such as practices and games. “He’d shout out plays and pretend like he knew the players. It was really starting to affect the team because they had no clue who this weirdo was.”
Albers said Del Rio left peacefully but not before he tugged on the collar of his trademark leather jacket a few times, mumbled “Whatever” and did a few burnouts in his 2002 Ford Probe.
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November 30, 2011
