Originally written on The Sports Post  |  Last updated 9/8/13
Remember Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow? We don't either. ESPN needs new blood to beat up. Sorry, Skip and Stephen A. Meanwhile, what does Tiger Woods have in common with the NFL players who just settled up with the league over concussions? And the New England Patriots are being sued in the death of a fan and it's not because Wes Welker dropped one over the wrong shoulder in the Super Bowl or because he caught 9 for two TDs from Peyton Manning for Denver against Baltimore in the opener. Perhaps. *** Mark and Tim are irrelevant Maybe, just maybe, Mark Sanchez will return from injury -- deliberate injury caused by his coach -- to lead the Jets to both of their victories later this year. But for now, he has come and gone like Ines Sainz. Well, not gone. And not "with either," ahem... Sainz reportedly wanted a shot at the $2 million that was offered for cracking Tebow's virginity after viewing his hottie pic jogging, but now she can't find what church he was assigned to as an assistant pastor. It's an amazing title since all he gets to say at Sunday sermons is "Hail Mary..." *** Johnny's Football Johnny Manziel continues to show the sportsmanship, class, distinction and grace that made him the Heisman Trophy winner last season. Just ask the guys who play for Rice. Just ask Kevin Sumlin. Just ask Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith.. And guess what? Johnny Football becomes a starting quarterback in the NFL eventually. Did you hear that, Brandon Weeden? Did you hear that, Blaine Gabbert? Did you hear that, Geno Smith? Alex Smith? Christian Ponder? Josh Freeman? Carson Palmer? Philip Rivers? (Geez, it's a longer list than I thought...) Don't you want to be replaced by a snotty, obnoxious, privileged, outgoing, pleasant and handsome athlete who can't say no? Can't say no to hustlers, autograph hounds and other assorted shady characters. But not his coaches. He's going to make millions. He deserves a spanking and to be sent to his room without supper. No, wait. He'd like that... *** Quarterback Soup Tim Tebow. Brady Quinn. Vince Young. Jimmy Clausen. All cut. Quinn got signed again, but by the time he's done in NY, he'll wish he hadn't. He is Notre Dame's answer to Mark Sanchez. Or is that Matt Leinert? Todd Marinovich? And Vince Young had no chance. The Packers just needed a reason to cut Graham Harrell, Texas Tech's answer to Mike Kafka. *** At long last, Tiger Plain and simple, and we tweeted this on the day of the settlement announcement: the NFL players, all 4,500 of them who sued the league for damages related to concussion-related injuries and conditions, received $765 million to be distributed over a multi-year period and in part be dedicated to research. Tiger Woods' ex-wife Elin got $750 million all for herself in their divorce settlement. The only thing to which she ever caused a concussion was an SUV. *** Death of a Patriot While Aaron Hernandez was pleading not guilty to everything, the Patriots were reviewing a lawsuit filed by a fan who had a heart attack after his 6-year-old son was refused access to the field even though he was allegedly promised he could go out there. I don't know the law real well, but someone tell Bob Tebow that enough's enough. *** Strange but true How did this not happen to an offensive lineman? Tampa Bay Rays' pitcher David Price ran up a $202 cab fare trying to get to the Oakland Coliseum for a Rays game because of the construction backup at the Bay Bridge. We're still checking, but we think it was actually one of Howie Long's kids. Or Jerry Jones'. Dez Bryant? By: Howard Schlossberg Twitter: @HSchlossberg
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