Found November 20, 2012 on In The Neutral Zone:
Welcome to the First Annual Black Friday Sale at Arrowhead Stadium. Around Kansas City Fridays use to be called “Red Friday” but since these clowns can’t seem to even run a play, let alone win a game, it’s now Black Friday. Step right in and check out these lack-luster items we are slashing the prices on. Matt Cassel: Need a quarterback? Hell so do we…cause this guy couldn’t hold onto balls at a hernia check. He’s a career backup, and guess what kids, he plays like it. It’s rumored after games with the Jets and the Raiders Carson Palmer and Mark Sanchez tell Matt to go get them some fresh Gatorade. He couldn’t find the endzone if the Chiefs Cheerleaders lined up on the goal line butt naked.  In honor of black Friday we are letting this guy go for free. Hell we will even help tie him down to your roof for transport home. Also available in Brady Quinn. Eric Winston: It’s horrible, it’s disgusting. Of course we are talking about his blocking ability and not his post-game tirade. Winston couldn’t block a wiffle ball rolled by a toddler on the living room floor. New and improved features include instant concussion generator for your quarterback. We’re letting him go cheap. Buy one Winston and we will throw the rest of the O-line in free. Brandon Albert not included. Dwayne Bowe: He doesn’t want to be here and we don’t want him to be here. This guy couldn’t catch the flu in Hong Kong. Buy this guy and we will turn it into a LSU Triple Pack and throw in Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson. That’s 3 #1 draft picks all from LSU at a Louisiana Tech Price. Steve Breaston: The invisible receiver. He can’t catch passes because the quarterback can’t see him. Every now and then he decloaks just to drop a pass. He is a question wrapped inside an enigma. Buy one Breaston get one Terrance Copper free. Scott Pioli: We may not have any Cobra Commanders, but we have something close. This guy is the bane of evil, dismantling good things and bringing gloom and depression to the Midwest. Pure evil is an overpriced suit. We are letting him go for free, but warning does not work well without Bill Belichick. Romeo Crennel: If we charged by the pound you couldn’t afford him. Look at him though, so cute, so round. Like a chocolate Winnie the Pooh. Nice enough guy, but lacks the ability to be the head coach. Hell the 72 Dolphins would have went 1-11 under this guy. Bring a trailer and a crane if you want to take this guy home. Recommended diet of candy is suggested. Clark Hunt: The apple fell so far from the tree with guy, we aren’t even sure he is an apple because he sure as hell isn’t red. If interested in buying the Clarkster, call ahead, cause most of the time we can’t find him. He is so quiet and kept in a warehouse in Texas that often he gets lost in our inventory. **Please remember when coming to our Black Friday Sale that Jamal Charles and Derrick Johnson are not for sale. They are missing pieces to a better machine and we are going to hold on to them.
THE BACKYARD
BEST OF MAXIM
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