Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 1/9/12


Ouch, which hurts worse? Watching your team in the playoffs for the first time since FOREVER getting abused by the possible league MVP like they were Twilight mom's cold sex toy, or being called out for being "broke and miserable" by your team's own player?

That's what happened when Detroit Lions defensive back Aaron Berry took to the Twitter machine later Sunday afternoon once the Saints were finished double-fisting the Lions like they were the Vikings in their Wild Card playoff match-up, 45-28. Now, I know what you're thinking, pissed off Lions fan. "Oh, good one, loser! Your **** team can't even make the playoffs! You should talk!" I hear ya, bro. My team is terrible. But I have a job (two of them!) and live in a city/state with a rather high quality of life, so bing-bang-bong.

But is Berry right? Is life miserable for Lions fans? Let's take a look:


I don't think so, and here's why:
  • The Saints are ridiculously stupid good, or at least Drew Brees is. As we all know, their defense also plays dirty in the playoffs (especially at home), so while I expected the Lions to hang a cool 35, 38 points on them, going for 28 and some likely house-calls isn't too bad. But it's Drew Brees. I honestly have no idea what you're supposed to do about that. Shoot him? Have Suh stomp on his face? I would have called that play, if I were coach.
  • Matthew Stafford is effing legit. He was throwing god damn shark lasers out there. It was a thing of beauty. I would give a rusty trombone to a homeless WOMAN if I could have him on my team for the next 15 years. He may be fat, and is kind of racist when he MTV Raps, but god damn if he isn't a solid QB. When healthy, and not drinking lard.
  • Uh, Calvin Johnson? What a beast. 211 yards on 12 catches and two TDs? Not a bad showing for your first playoff game ever, I guess.
  • That defense is only going to get better. The Lions are going to draft some better defensive backs and maybe a linebacker and bang, they are solid front to back, like your mom (sex joke? I don't even know).
  • Any team with Suh on the squad is a team I can cheer for.

So cheer up, Lions fans. You could be a Bears fan, which means you either cheer for the White Sox or the Cubs, too, and both of those teams suck because I hate baseball and wish I never would have brought it up. So think about that. 

In other NFL playoff news:

  • I didn't watch it, but are the Falcons really that bad? What the hell were you guys doing out there? Playing Ouija?
  • Tim Tebow won. I don't even know what to say. Big Ben sad face, derp? I guess Denver's defense is legit, and John Fox outsmarts himself on the reg.
  • I don't know why, but I really wanted the Bengals to win against the Texans. That ginger freak Dalton is nice. Also, I don't give a **** about Arian Foster. You are not Purple Jesus, so shut your face.

And that was the NFL playoffs! Wouldn't have been fun to be in a game this week?! *cries*

[follow]

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Jim Brown: I ‘encourage and support’ Johnny Manziel

Vincent criticizes NFLPA over spending millions on lawsuits

MLB urges Supreme Court to deny San Jose's A's appeal

Jeanie Buss: Phil Jackson loves the Twitter criticism

Vikings RB McKinnon: If I had a fantasy team, I'd take myself

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Kings have had discussions with John Calipari

De’Andre Johnson charged with misdemeanor battery

Russell Wilson on salary: If it's $25M or $1.5M, I'll be ready to go

Luke Ridnour reportedly traded for fourth time in a week

Scottie Pippen: I was LeBron James before LeBron James

Report: Marc Gasol only visiting with Memphis Grizzlies

Diamondbacks are contenders, but team's direction is unclear

Selecting the 2015 American League All-Stars

Jim Harbaugh is recruiting a prospect he once babysat

Conan makes Marshawn's wildest dreams come true

Brett Favre dons Packers jersey, says, 'I think I could still play'

Bo Knows, Bo Goes: Wisconsin feels pride and pain

Popovich won't call free agents at midnight, he'll be in bed

Joe Buck explains why he quit Twitter

Should the White Sox and Indians become sellers?

Fan bases most deserving of a Super Bowl 50 win

2015 NBA Draft grades: Eastern Conference

Report: Redskins urged by major group to change team name

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Selecting the 2015 AL All-Stars

NBA Draft grades: Eastern Conference

Under the radar NBA free agents

Michael Sam, boyfriend broke up?

Mickelson linked to money laundering?

Reminiscing on 'Love & Basketball' 15 years later

Selecting the 2015 NL All-Stars

The Sixers' latest horde

Projected landing spots for NBA's top free agents

MLB changes format for Home Run Derby

Revis to work out with Patriots DBs

Peterson: I'm still NFL's best RB

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.