Originally posted on Football Nation  |  Last updated 12/6/11
Welcome in out of the cold and to another edition of the NFL awards, week 13 edition. This week, the Packers keep winning, Jason Garrett ices a kicker...HIS OWN kicker, and Brett Favre ruins it for everybody.

On with the show...

The "if we make it through December" award goes to the Dallas Cowboys
It's been this way for years. The Cowboys look like they might be ready to finally break through and get somewhere in life, and then December hits and they forget how to play football. History repeated itself in Arizona on Sunday. Big thanks to Mighty Merle Haggard for presenting the award, since it was named after one of his most popular songs. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be cowering in the corner in fear over another lost Cowboys December...

The "suck for Luck (AKA the Peyton Manning Memorial Award)" goes to the Indianapolis Colts
We would never be ones to shovel dirt on the career of a first-ballot NFL Hall Of Famer, but frankly, the ho-hum attitude that the Colts and Manning seem to be taking as far as his ability to walk in off the operating table and be the Man(ning) again is quite ridiculous. Meanwhile, the team keeps losing on the field, and now are finally faced with the decision we've all been anticipating they'd have to make all year, with Luck having announced he will enter the NFL draft next year.

The "little house of horrors" award, presented on behalf of the Cowboys, goes to the state of Arizona
This is admittedly probably the most outside-the-box thinking we've ever done for an award, so follow along. The Cowboys can't win in Arizona. Oftentimes, it's not eben enough that they lose the game. Strange things usually have a habit of happening to them along the way out there, too. Stuff like missing a game-tying extra point on Christmas last year, or perhaps this...

The "don't ice me, bro" award goes to Jason Garrett
Award was not only presented to Garrett by Dan Bailey, but it was written in Bailey's handwriting, as well. No truth to the rumor that he actually left all that as a note in Garrett's office. When called on stage to accept the honor, Garrett nervously looked around, snuck up behind Bailey and called another timeout just for the heck of it, then told everyone that "they have to trust the system" before getting up and leaving.

The "holier than Thou" award goes to Tim Tebow
Religious zealotry makes us nervous, so we here at the NFL awards don't even know why we continue to tempt fate by presenting Tebow with awards that could be construed as making fun of his over-reliance on the big man upstairs. On the bright side, we did get ESPN hottie Charissa Thompson to present the award, and soon after she left with a portly, overly-gimmicky football writer who took her back to his hotel room to "cleanse" her of her Tebow obsession...

The "tin men" award goes to the Philadelphia Eagles
Because much like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz,. the Eagles have no heart. But at least the Tin Man got to see the wonderful wizard once he reached the end of the yellow brick road. For the Eagles, there is no yellow brick road, nor is there a wizard at the end of it to give them something to fill that hole in their chests. Fortunately for Eagles fans, they have only one more month to "pay no attention to those men behind the curtain" as the season plays out the string. Though really,  we could care less how much misery they're feeling. Jerks.

The "best in the West (NFC edition)" award goes to the San Francisco 49ers
Congratulations to the 'Niners for winning their first division title in eight years, but really, we'd like to congratulate ourselves for recognizing the 49ers' accomplishment, since it means that Jim Harbaugh gets to be back in front of a live mic again to accept the award. After the customary staredowns and "handshakes that were a little too hard" (old joke, still funny), he promised to see everybody again soon once the playoffs start, with a fresh pitcher of the Harbaugh Kool-Aid for us all to drink.

The "dirty dozen" award goes to the Green Bay Packers
Once again, pretty self-explanatory. How else would you describe the Packers' 12-0 start, really? Award was once again presented to Aaron Rodgers, who drove a Brinks truck up to the stage to do so, as it 's the only way he can store all the NFL awards hardware they've received this year, all while reserving his seat at the show all the way through Super Bowl week.

The "unBEARable" award goes to the Chicago Bears
Because never has a team suffered so much misery in such a small period of time. But really, it 's being given for their insistence on not at least picking up the phone and giving free agent, and Chicago native, Donovan McNabb a call. But it's the loss of Matt Forte that will prove to the most catastrophic for  them. Loooks like a long, cold one for the Windy City this year.

The "let sleeping Favres lie" award goes to ESPN
I feel pretty confident in saying that the folks at ESPN are the only ones who want to see Brett Favre back. If you don't believe me, just look at the "story" they broke in which an unnamed source claimed if the Bears called the "slinging sexter", that he would listen. All we have to say about that is... *everyone in the awards hall runs away screaming at the thought of the Brett Favre monster returning, causing an abrupt ending to the show*

*The NFL awards are currently experiencing technical difficulties. Tune in next week for a brand new ediiton. We hope.*


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