Originally posted on Losers Bracket  |  Last updated 3/14/13
The three things going on in the world (or at least my world) have all merged into one monster blog.  NFL free agency, the pope, and the Bachlor finals.   Let’s mix em in a bowl and call em gumbo! ********************* Greg Jennings is OF COURSE going to play for the Vikings.  He is visiting their today.  Stick it to us Greg!  … just like Brett, Sharper, Longwell, and probably 50 other idiots.  Anywhos, that’s a lot like going to play with devil in my book. ********************* So Pope Francis is a Jesuit.  So was Vince Lombardi, the entire Marquette University is Jesuit.   So what is a Jesuit?  Still Catholic right? Short version:  “God’s Marines”  Wow, that sounds hard core. ********************** The Society of Jesus (Latin: Societas Iesu, S.J., SJ or SI) is a Christian male religious order of the Roman Catholic Church. The members are called Jesuits and are also known colloquially as “God’s Marines”,[2] these being references to founder Ignatius of Loyola‘s military background and members’ willingness to accept orders anywhere in the world and live in extreme conditions. The society is engaged in evangelization and apostolic ministry in 112 nations on six continents. The society’s founding principles are contained in the document Formula of the Institute, written by Ignatius of Loyola. Jesuits are known for their work in education (founding schools, colleges, universities and seminaries), intellectual research, and cultural pursuits, and for their missionary efforts. Jesuits also give retreats, minister in hospitals and parishes and promote social justice and ecumenical dialogue. Ignatius founded the society after being wounded in battle and experiencing a religious conversion. He composed the Spiritual Exercises to help others follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. In 1534, Ignatius and six other young men, including St. Francis Xavier and Bl. Pierre Favre, gathered and professed vows of poverty, chastity, and later obedience, including a special vow of obedience to the Pope. Rule 13 of Ignatius’ Rules for Thinking with the Church said: “That we may be altogether of the same mind and in conformity [...], if [the Church] shall have defined anything to be black which to our eyes appears to be white, we ought in like manner to pronounce it to be black.”[3] Ignatius’ plan of the order’s organization was approved by Pope Paul III in 1540 by the bull containing the Formula of the Institute. The opening lines of this founding document would declare that the Society of Jesus was founded to “strive especially for the propagation and defense of the faith and progress of souls in Christian life and doctrine.”[4] The Society participated in the Counter-Reformation and later in the implementation of the Second Vatican Council in the Catholic Church. ************************************** Never wear a wedding dress.  Horrible move.  And the kiss of death.  Picking on the competition and a Jet was Welker’s kiss of death.  I speak of Lindsay’s dress and Welker picking on Ryan’s foot fetish.  Both pissed off the wrong people and both people never forgot.  And now you are gone. **************************************** TJ Lang is all about the twitter and free agency. Here’s what he tweeted. Numbers as of 11 p.m. CST…. ….@TJLang70 So who’s winning the march Super Bowl so far? Sweet. #irrelevant (502 retweets, 158 favorites) ….@TJLang70 So do the lions get hats and t shirts for winning the off season NFC north title? (1,010 retweets, 396 favorites) One fan challenged Lang, so he flashed the Super Bowl ring… “@jsteagall: @TJLang70 do you get tshirts and hats for getting knocked out early twice?”no but I do have this pic.twitter.com/5RXfsVO1NQ (523 retweets, 587 favorites) And then, one final note… @TJLang70 Man people sure do get worked up over some football jokes! **************************** Adam Schefter ‏@AdamSchefter Is it me or are the Seahawks and 49ers treating the off-season the way the Red Sox and Yankees do (or at least used to)? Who made Schefty God of NFL free agency.  John Clayton got his ass kicked. **************************** Like do the cardinals play chess?   Zoom the internet?  What do they do for those days in the think tank? **************************** The smoke thing is sweet.  Here’s an idea.  Have a restaurant.  Base your special on Lights that flash outside your window or something.  Free if it’s yellow or something.  There’s something about that anticipation of the black smoke! **************************** Smoke cam favorite thing from 2013 so far. Desiree’s body, Ashlee’s bombs somewhere in the top 100. **************************** In all the wrath of Stephen Jackson and Reggie Bush and all the nonsense Teddy T signed Johnny Jolly to a contract for 715k.  No risk with big upside.  Like fat ass upside.  Which in this case is good.  Well done Teddy.  Well done. **************************** How did Tebow not become Pope? **************************** Erik Walden killed it $8 million dollars guaranteed!  What.  Yes.  With the Colts.  Wow. Sadly no one remembers his 2010 dominance, yes dominance in the playoffs to the superbowl.  All we remember is Kapernick. Click here to view the embedded video. **************************** Timothy Dolan should be pope.  Desiree or Ashlee should of won the bachelor.  Life is not fair. ************************* Katherine won the Bachelor in a huge surprise and Teddy T has yet to do anything.  Ok, not a surprise. ************************* *********************************** Here’s the deal.  Watching the Championship games all 4 qbs had plenty of time in the pocket (even against “great” defenses.)   Does the running game make our line better so the D doesn’t pin their ears back?  McCarthy and sweaty Teddy fell in love with the power back after having Ceddy Bear a few games.  I think they loved it when James Starks was all superman in 2010.   And they see that in Stevie J.  So sign his ass.  Or don’t.  Whatever. ********************************** Jennings is going the James Jones route.  Will anyone give me more than ted?…. if not I will be back.  Stay tuned. ********************************* Russell Wilson texted Harvin after the trade, and said we should get together to work out.  What was Russel doing that day?…oh studying film since 6am.  It’s March!  Wilson is a winner folks. ********************************* Packer fans…we have Aaron Rodgers.  Breathe easy. ********************************* Below is a bunch of stuff from Grantland that’s sums it up well as well. Wish Lanterns: Still a Thing If I had any money on last night’s finale, it wouldn’t have been on Lindsay. Actually, it wouldn’t have been on Catherine, either. It would have been on wish lanterns. And had anybody taken me up on it, I would have been almost as rich as the VP at Oriental Trading Company who has managed to get these things onto every middlebrow-poignant television moment for the last two years. —Emily Yoshida Innocence Lost This is how it happens: One day you walk into work and a few miscreants are gathered in a corner, twittering about some “wine magnate” and a model who has hypnotized him. You shake your head in pity and move on. But they won’t shut up. Every goddamned Tuesday, you hear snatches of conversation about “roses” and “those ridiculous highlights” and a mythical avatar of boredom named “Chris Harrison.” What’s worse, their numbers are growing. Sensible people. People you would never dream would fall for this televised exercise in (non-gender-specific) whoredom are hypnotized — elevated to a state of giddiness by this dumb, dumb show. And as the chatter grows louder, you start learning things. Us Weekly covers make sense. You discover there are more ways to spell the name “Ashley” than anyone could have possibly imagined. Through some hideous process of osmosis you find yourself aware that The Bachelorette is a poor substitute for The Bachelor, and something called Bachelor Pad is basically Revelation 6:12, brought to you by ABC and L’Oréal. But you are smug. You are separate. You are safe. And then, a precipitating event. (For me, having a baby.) Tired, weak, spouse asleep — animated by some twisted sense of seventh-grade desire to belong — you watch. And the next week, you watch again. And then again. Suddenly you’re part of that chattering group — you have opinions on Sean Lowe and his dead, vacant stare, and Catherine’s sisters and how evil they were, and why the **** did he not pick Dez who was OBVIOUSLY the choice, even if you were sort of partial to Lesley yourself. Then one day, finale day, you get done with bathing the little ones, cleaning up dinner, walking the dog. You answer work e-mails and settle into your couch. Your wife goes to bed. You turn on your TV and discover The Bachelor has not taped, and you nearly break your remote. And then you are finished. You are done. It is over. —Dan Fierman   The Deshodding Heard ‘Round the World If I ever get dumped in front of millions of people — especially when I’m expecting a proposal — I’ll immediately take off my high heels too. Beauty is pain, but having your heart broken on national television is probably enough pain for one night. —Juliet Litman   Sean Is a Dick At first glance, Sean is a conventionally nice (and mostly boring) guy — very inoffensive. He cares a lot about his family, likes to make out, and has a really extensive collection of V-neck and henley T-shirts — pretty standard nice-guy fare. But in reality, and maybe this is even more jarring because on the surface he is so vanilla and/or uninteresting, it seems like Sean is sort of dick to these girls, namely because he will clearly say anything to them to make them happy in the moment. I’d like to present these two pieces of evidence: 1. What Sean said to AshLee in the Fantasy Suite. Let’s get one thing out of the way: AshLee looks really great. Now, granted, we’re seeing her at her very best: Is there any greater motivation for a person to make sure they look awesome than when they know they’re going to see someone they used to date? But even still, these last two weeks at “Women Tell All” and then in the live portion of last night’s finale, she really took it to another level with her whole Young–Connie Britton–meets–Gisele thing — but back to what happened between her and Sean in the Fantasy Suite. While the staunch Sean defenders will say that AshLee was lying about her accusations that Sean told her he had no interest in the other two girls whatsoever, when he defaulted to the, “Well, maybe I don’t remember … ” excuse, it was all over. Between that, and then the footage they showed where Sean and AshLee seem to think the cameras aren’t rolling and you hear Sean try to stammer out a response but with no good explanation while AshLee looked at him with that, “C’mon, son!” face, it was clear that Sean had most likely said that to her — and then promptly kicked AshLee out at the next rose ceremony. Not a great look for her, or for him, really. 2. Everything that went down with Lindsay in the entire season, but specifically the finale. Full disclosure: I was on Lindsay’s side from the very first episode. I thought she was cute and attractive, even on the first night when she stumbled out of that limousine, drunk and wearing a wedding dress, slurring, “You may now kiss the bride!” Now, aside from that, and that over the last few weeks Sean has really treated Lindsay like a front-runner (not to get stat-heavy about matters of the heart, but I believe she got the first rose the most times this season, especially in the second half of the season), the worst thing Sean did was tell Lindsay that he loved her WHILE THEY WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF BREAKING UP. Just to be clear, at this point he has yet to tell any girl on the show he loves her, but now, while in the midst of breaking this girl’s heart into a million pieces on national TV, he decides to slip in that he “loves” her. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT, SEAN? I’m no love expert, but I DON’T THINK THAT’S WHAT YOU DO TO A GIRL YOU LOVE. 2b. But what about Catherine? Imagine you’re Catherine (OMG, you are so wacky and fun — also, how “beefcake-y” is Sean?! All of this [feels all up on his body] is yours!!!), right before your fiancé proposes to you, he JUST told the other girl he was making out with a few days prior that he loved her. Girlfriends of mine have gotten madder at me for opening e-mails that ex-girlfriends have sent me. I’m not sure how the “right before I propose to you, I’m going to tell another girl I love her” thing doesn’t have more extreme repercussions. Now, I’m sure Sean in real life is, for the most part, what he appears to be on the show: just this dopey, buff dude who has no real malicious intent with regard to the behavior mentioned above. But make no mistake, future ladies who are going to pursue Sean after he and Catherine inevitably break up a year or so after the ABC-produced and -aired wedding special (for whatever reason, I don’t really believe in this couple — maybe it’s because they met on this reality show and she seems overly obsessed with his looks and/or muscles), sometimes a guy who doesn’t try not to be a dick is just as bad, if not worse, than a guy who’s just a straight-up dick. —David Cho   The Un-Style of Sean Lowe ABC There are two Bachelors every season: the man in the dark suit with the cinched cuffs and flowering pocket square, and the guy who dresses for a trip to Señor Frog’s. For Sean Lowe, the division was pronounced, and damaging. Here are some of the things Sean wore in Thailand during his final dates with Catherine and Lindsay: a fuchsia T-shirt, flip-flops, navy cargo shorts, a deep-V the shade of eggplant, a salmon-colored tank top, board shorts, elephant-riding pants, laceless Converse sneakers. Sean Lowe, vacationing Bachelor who happens to be on a television show, abuses “relaxed.” This affliction begins as a choice and wends its way to disease — it asks nothing of us, except maybe tolerance. When holding a rose at a ceremony, Sean defies “relaxed” — his suits fit well; they’re tasteful, too, accented by slim ties and the occasional flourish in that breast pocket. Last night, at the very important “After the Final Rose” special, he wore a subtle foulard patterned tie and an ash gray suit — smart stuff. Here’s the thing about that: He didn’t dress himself last night. Those suits, pressed and tailored, with clean lines and a kind of intelligent design, are the domain of the producers. That purplish deep-V? That’s right out of Sean’s closet. What does all of this mean? Nothing; this is a roundup of thoughts about The Bachelor. But you could say that The Bachelor, where style lunges off and onto its avatar, sometimes mid-episode, teaches us what’s wrong with how we look, and how to change that. Sean and Catherine will be back on-camera when they get hitched sometime this fall. And that will be the last chance Sean has to reject “relaxed.” —Sean Fennessey   Why Is Sean Wearing Lipstick on the ABC Website Today? ABC I bet Chris Harrison is responsible for this. — Mark Lisanti   Straight Goofin’ “I can picture you being a hot old chick,” said Sean Lowe to his not-future-wife Lindsay. “Uuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhh,” I responded from my couch, as I thought about all the reasons I will not miss “goofy” Sean. —Sarah Larimer   Straight Snarkin’ Bachelor conspiracy theorists are already on to the most unenthused chauffeur on the show to date for perhaps sending one too many withering glances Sean’s way during his gooftacular exchange with Lindsay, planting the seeds of doubt and insecurity that would eventually blossom into a beautiful rejection tree. After all, Sean did say he knew during his last date with her (and that snarky boat man) that they weren’t meant to be together. Don’t worry, ABC has set him up in some cushy witness protection appointments in one of the at least dozen abandoned tree houses the crew left behind in Thailand, and Vulture has already tapped him to recap next season. — Emily Yoshida   An Elephant (and/or Producer) Never Forgets I’ve watched A LOT of reality TV in my day, way more than I can blame on my role as GRTFL Super Scorer. Has there ever been a more improbable final two in the history of The Bachelor? Truly, it was the season of the dark horse, and will be known to aficionados as the James J. Braddock season from this day forth. Poor Lindsay. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride … except of course for that time when she showed up for her blind date in a wedding dress, completely sloshed, promptly cried, and forced Sean to make out with her. Every week I told Jacoby, “I can’t believe that girl in the wedding dress is still there,” and every week she survived. In fact, not only did she survive, she somehow emerged as the clear front-runner. How did this happen? She was the Tom Brady of the Sean the Boring Bachelor combine, except instead of running an unimpressive 5.28-second 40-yard dash, she somehow giggled and snuggled her way into Sean’s abs heart. In the end, however, the substitute teacher who once asked, “Is that a helicopter?” while staring DIRECTLY AT A HELICOPTER was kicked off, leaving hope for Catherine and full-time teachers everywhere. As for Catherine, I have yet to see any video evidence that she was even on the show before Week 6, and at that point, all I learned about her was that she could double as a Cirque du Soleil performer. Could the only woman in America under the age of 55 to still use the word “hunk” really win The Bachelor? Would she pull off the inconceivable, like Marisa Tomei in the 1993 Oscars? Had the vegan who “loves the beef” really won the … you know … ? And then I saw this. When asked, for her ABC bio, what were the top three things on her bucket list, Catherine responded, “To eat traditional pasta in Italy, to go skiing in the Alps, and to ride an elephant in Thailand.” I repeat: TO RIDE AN ELEPHANT IN THAILAND. If that’s not destiny (or prebooked travel and producer intervention), I don’t know what is. —Caitlin Mangum ************************* Brewers first baseman Hunter Morris, who I thought would be the next big thing in the MLB just got sent to the minors.  Why did I think this?  His name rocks, that’s why! 24 hours until King James arrives to the Bemo Center!    Gonna witness it in my basement.  Sad I know. – Roste Beefe
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