Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 11/19/14

GLENDALE, AZ - DECEMBER 6: Adrian Peterson #28 of the Minnesota Vikings runs past Calais Campbell #93 of the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium on December 6, 2009 in Glendale, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
On the heels of the recent quote from Minnesota Vikings star running back Adrian Peterson, in which he said he's "not with" gay marriage, the bastion of factual news reporting, The Onion, was finally able to track down a quote from Peterson's boyfriend. And what does he think about the running back's stance against gay marriage? "I can take a hint." An amazing exclusive, as I doubt anyone actually had any IDEA that Adrian Peterson even HAD a boyfriend, The Onion was able to track down this man, Scott Oakes, and hear his opinion on the matter. The Onion blurb reads as follows: Responding to Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson publicly asserting his firm opposition to gay marriage, the reigning MVP’s longtime boyfriend Scott Oakes told reporters Tuesday that he “can take a hint” and now understands that the athlete isn’t interested in marrying him. “All right, Adrian, I get the message loud and clear,” said Oakes, noting that Peterson’s stated position that gay marriage is “not something [he believes] in” perfectly explained why his lover had yet to pop the question at any point in their three-year relationship. “He can’t see himself being with me in the long term? That’s fine, but if that’s how he feels, he should have had the guts to tell me directly rather than letting it slip out in some radio interview. I’m not with that.” Oakes added that, with Peterson now out of the picture, he was considering trying to patch things up with his former flame, Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace. Well, we all know Mike Wallace will welcome Mr. Oakes back with open legs arms. Regardless, this news is quite shocking when you consider the following items: - Adrian Peterson has frequently been seen with a STUNNING girlfriend named Ashley Brown. Thoughts of him having a boyfriend were never even considered. - Uh, as the son of God and everything, yeah ... He's got some explaining to do. - Scott Oakes? Of all the gay guys a star running back would potentially hook up with he'd land for the one called "Scott Oakes"? May as well just hold hands with Mark McGrath. - I think we all know why Chris Kluwe left the Vikings now. He was frustrated by Peterson's continual rebuffs against him when he knew he was with dirtbag Oakes. I'd leave too! Not that there'd be anything wrong with that. - If any NFC North player was going to be outed as being gay, I mean come on, Aaron Rodgers?! How was he not first?! - The Onion always tells the truth, because they're such a reliable source of information, so we should all take this as probably 100% factual. And if you do, I also don't have any hope for you or your offspring. Just kidding everyone. To each his own, so says our Lord, Purple Jesus. Amen. [follow]
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Cavs beat Hawks without Kyrie Irving, take 2-0 lead

John Wall tells All-NBA Team voters to ‘keep sleeping’

Minor League team cancels 'A-Rod Juice Box Night'

Dolphins teammate on Dion Jordan: It’s a bad situation

Texans reportedly the favorite to be featured on ‘Hard Knocks’

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Goodell will not recuse himself from Brady appeal

Will Smith suspended eight games for 'foreign substance'

Report: Kobe Bryant likely to retire following next season

Don Shula named in painkiller lawsuit from former NFL players

Kyrie Irving questionable for Game 2 versus Atlanta

Michael Sam signs with CFL’s Montreal Alouettes

The Los Angeles Angels are finally finding their groove

Re-evaluating all 30 MLB teams at the quarter mark

Is virtual reality training the next leap forward for football?

Warriors a very shaky 2-0 against the Rockets

NFL icon Bud Grant zings Pats with Deflategate joke on Twitter

RG3 announces birth daughter's birth on social media

Don't listen to Nick Saban, the bowl system is just fine

MLB scores partial victory in minor league wage lawsuits

Ranking the NBA Playoffs' most significant injuries

WATCH: Will Smith ejected for foreign substance on arm

Guy behind NFL's social media trolling of Pats is a Jets fan?

In defense of 76ers general manager Sam Hinkie

NFL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

John Wall tells All-NBA Team voters to ‘keep sleeping’

Jim Kelly: No doubt Tom Brady cheated

Post-combine NBA Draft big board: Top 30

Ex-players sue NFL for conspiring to push painkillers

Astros surprising, but can get better with Correa

Here come the Giants

Aaron Hernandez got new tattoo in prison

TUF weekly recap by NOS® Energy Drink

Ten players who could benefit due to PAT rule change

Five QBs set for breakout campaigns

Report: Lakers will pursue Thibodeau

MLS leaders struggling with attendance

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.