Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 9/10/13
OK, OK ... Everybody settle down. Clearly, the Minnesota Vikings didn't get the 2013 season started off the way we all wanted them too. The loss to the Lions on Sunday was pretty ugly, with almost all aspects of the offense looking terrible, and the defense not faring much better. Truth be told, by the time the game ended, we were all left with more questions than answers. That's not how this is supposed to work! We're left asking, why is Matt Kalil struggling so much? Why can't Desmond Bishop see the field? Why does Christian Ponder insist on wearing a shirt when we all know that he plays better without one? Everything is just so confusing. But what do you do when you don't know the answer to something? Do you go walk do to your local library and research Plato philosophies for the answers? Sit your grandma down over some warm cookies and dig through her personal experience? No, of course not. This is 2013. So when we want answers, we go to Google. And here's what Google's auto complete has to say about the Vikings we have the biggest questions about so far this season: The biggest question mark is obviously Christian Ponder, right? Is he good, is he not, should we bench him, will he ever turn it around? So many questions. So what does Google say? Well ... None of that's really helpful, and some of that is just mean. Ponder has a girlfriend because he's heterosexual, I am assuming, and this questions is already ASSUMING that Ponder which has a strong arm, which he doesn't. Which is bizarre. I have no idea about his family, but I do think the "Why does he live?" question is a little over the top. Or, rather, par for the course for Vikings fans.  Another question is why is Matt Kalil struggling, yes? Or so we think. Let's go to the Googler! So ... Another group of robot insights. We learn a lot of people don't know WHY Matt Kalil has a brother, and that apparently a lot of people need to have the "penis and vagina" talk with their kids. People also are apparently dumb, because they ask why does Matt Kalil so good. Yeah, why DOES Matt Kalil good? So good, in fact! Morons. The last questions is the most accurate, as it asks why Matt Kalil plays. This year? I don't know either, man.  Finally, we understand that not all of these issues fall on Ponder or the offensive line. A big problem here is that the coaching staff is coaching poorly. So, let's put all the blame on the head coach's shoulders, and as the wise internet about Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier: The details aren't as expansive as the other two, but apparently are very "Vikings fan" as the others. We're left wondering why Leslie Frazier lives as well (you're all so evil), and also why does Leslie Frazier make. Make what, you may ask, which of course just leaves us full circle, where we have more questions than we did to start with.  So was this a helpful exercise? Did we get our answers to the 2013 Vikings? Nope. Which unfortunately means we'll have to just watch the rest of the season. Sorry, everyone.  [follow]
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