Originally written on Purple Jesus Diaries  |  Last updated 4/11/13
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In an attempt to alienate more potential bandwagon Minnesota Vikings fans from ever switching allegiances from the Midwestern teams to the Pacific Northwest, the Seattle Seahawks are reportedly close in negotiating a contract for Antoine Winfield. Winfield, the former Minnesota Vikings cornerback that has been with the team for nine seasons and has easily become a fan favorite, was previously cut early in the free agency period to allow the Vikings to free up cap space to sign new Vikings receiver Greg Jennings. Despite this move, the door remained open for Winfield to return to the team, albeit at a reduced contract number. Since that day, however, Winfield has taken visits to other franchises and tested the NFL free agency waters, most recently visiting the Seahawks, before deciding if he wants to return to the Vikings on a smaller contract. His decision may all but be made now, as he reportedly is close to signing with Seattle. And the Seahawks are one step closer to making me hate their stupid faces forever. The Seattle Seahawks (most commonly known as "Vikings West") have had a long history of doing everything in their power to make sure people from the Midwest hate their hipster jeans. Ever since the Steve Hutchinson - Nate Burleson kerfuffle, Seattle has continued to snatch former Minnesota Vikings players away from the team, obviously in an effort to create a rivalry which doesn't exist, because every simply knows Seattle is dumb, and people hate them. Most recently, an exodus of sorts occurred as former Offensive Coordinator Darrell Bevell took the same position with the green and poop team, bringing with him former Vikings "quarterback" Tarvaris Jackson and stand out wide receiver Sidney Rice. While Vikings fans laughed hysterically at the Seahawks attempts to get Minnesota "back" by signing Tarvaris Jackson, Seattle stomped their galoshes and yelled at the rest of the NFL to pay attention to them, which no one would. So they re-doubled their efforts on Minnesota. Since then, over the past two years, Seattle has also signed these other former Vikings to some role or capacity, mostly with the result of Vikings fans rolling their eyes and grabbing their crotches in the general direction of the state of Washington: Heath Farwell Steven Hauschka Ryan Longwell Patrick Chukwurah None of this of course had any impact on Minnesotans, outside of reminding them, "Oh yeah, we hate that team because they're dumb and stupid." That is, until the Seahawks completed a trade for wide receiver Percy Harvin this offseason, decimating the Vikings receiving core, adding an embarrassment of riches to the Seahawks already potent offense, and generally just acting like a bunch of dicks. But why stop there? It appears the Seahawks won't be content until the Vikings fan base dons their Helga horns and rolls their fat bellies out west to lay waste to their soggy, fishy smelling toilet town. If the Seahawks DO end up signing Winfield to a contract, that is an act I will be happy to reward them with. Also, the Space Needle sucks. Eat horse ****, Seattle. [follow]
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