I have to admit, I have a serious writer's block when it comes to the Bills right now. I know what the angles are...should they lose out for a better draft pick? Does Sunday's win really mean anything? Should I just give up on the football team?
The angles are there, but I've gone through all of them in the two plus years I've been blogging. It is hard for me to blog about something that has been repetitive. I need freshness. More importantly, I need to care. I don't care if the Bills win or lose from here on out. It is just apathy at this point.
Stagnation and just feeling like I'm the Walking Dead when it comes to writing this stuff. I can't even come up with a classic rage storm at this point or a you gotta billeve post. It just wouldn't come off as being natural. It is something that would be forced fed like a Skip Bayless contrarian debate.
I've been sitting here trying to figure out something unique to write about the team, but nothing feels right. If I were using a typewriter at this point to blog, there would be about 50 crumbled up pieces of paper surrounding my desk and typewriter. I'd probably have a empty jug of wine, hoping it would get the creative juices flowing.
Today or as of last night when I started staring at this stupid empty page, I was going to write about Gailey's offenses at his previous destinations. I changed my mind and decided I was going to write about Stevie Johnson becoming a leader. But that didn't register. So, then I was going to write about rooting for a high draft pick and whether it is detrimental towards your fandom. All those are drafts now. Filled with spelling errors and just regurgitated Crap from previous years.
It is all ******** to me right now.
Just nothing is registering because I want the season to end so we can get into the offseason. It is hard to write when there's just no emotional connection for me. I'm either getting too old for this **** or this **** is getting too old. I wish someone could erase my memory so I could have some sort of positive outlook. But I can't.
The only thing I can look towards is September of 2013. I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to it, just looking towards it. Hoping that something fresh will come out of it or that the hope won't disintegrate like it did during the first 35 minutes of the Bills/Jets season opener.
I think the Bills have a great shot to be 7-9 and 8-8 down the stretch. Oh, Joy. Just typing this words makes me yawn and grab for the nearest chemical solution to my spiritual football problem. I can already see the apologists/shills try and come up with ways for us to focus on how great this team will be in 2013. They will talk about keeping continuity and how the defense was much better down the stretch. It will pretty much be all of this crap I had mentioned in a previous piece.
Bearing a monumental collapse, I think Chan is coming back. Should he? No. He's had his three years at kicking the can. His gameday management skills are pathetic and he's stuck in the wrong era. I think Sully had a stat that since 1990, only one NFL coach (David Shula: Bengals) has come back after finishing under .500 for three straight seasons to start their coaching stint. Great company, dickheads.
As for Fitzpatrick, I think we all can't stand his skills, but if the Bills signed a Greg Jennings/Wes Welker free agent and drafted the Notre Dame linebacker, you'd probably sign up for that. It is that easy to sell that to a fan base that is desperate for anything. We need to believe. Believing is such a powerful tool for this fanbase. We need to believe that Ron Brooks is the next stud corner or Searcy and Byrd will become the next Denis Smith and Steve Atwater. Maybe they will get a veteran QB. Maybe Gino Smith is coming here?
The whole thing just feels fake for me. Groundhog Day all over again. Just the only light at the end of the tunnel is the same train light that has been knocking us on our asses for the last 12 offseasons.
If I didn't have a blog or I wasn't so full of myself when it came to voicing my opinion, I probably wouldn't even watch the rest of the season. It is just painfully boring. It is a world without color. A world where we get up and put on a suit. Walk to work. Stare at a computer screen. Bring a Ham and cheese sandwich for lunch. Get yelled at by our boss. Clock out. Walk home in the rain without an umbrella. And during this entire day, we have a look of detachment. I picture what Neo's life was like before he was unplugged from The Matrix.
All of this is just a bunch of distractions before we die or give up on the team. Yeah, that kind of feels right. You'll get those who believe and wanna tell you how great it use to be and how the team is turning the corner vs. those who hate everything about this franchise. Rage and love holds it together at this point.
As of today, I have neither. I'm just listless. I'm just blabbering right now in order to try and find some unique voice to add to this blog post. I don't have it right now.
Enjoy this abrupt ending because this is as far as we go today.