Originally written September 05, 2012 on Losers Bracket:
New-england-patriots-new
7/10/2012 – The New England Patriots Weight Room Aaron Hernandez:  I’m tellin’ ya, Tom.  I really think I’m going to have a break out season this year.  I know Rob gets all the hype, but I think if you start looking my way more often, I could really surprise some people. Tom Brady:  Huh? Ohh, umm, that’s nice Aaron. Hernandez:  Seriously dude, I mean it.  I really think I can make some things happen if coach puts me in a little more and you just start looking my way.  I was talking to my mom about it the other day, and she really thinks I can score a lot if I get more chances. Brady:  That’s weird, but yeah, I guess we’ll just see what happens.  Just keep working hard, buddy. Hernandez:  You know what?  I don’t think you’re taking me seriously, but I’m serious.  Here’s watch this. Hernandez drops to the ground and does 10 pushups. Hernandez:  There!  Did you see that?!  10 pushups in no time!  While Gronk has been out there drinking and doing sex with girls all off-season, I’ve been in here working hard to get better!  I’m going to be great! Brady:  Umm, I- A pint glass comes flying in through the door of the weight room and shatters on the wall behind Hernandez, soaking him with beer.  In walks The Gronk.     The Gronk:  Cover of The Body Issue, mother *******! Hernandez:  What the hell? Brady:  Brosef Stalin! The Gronk:  Sup, Bro Montana!? Brady and The Gronk give each other a bro-hug.  Real bro like and chill too. Hernandez:  Come on, you guys.  This is a place of business.  Some of us are trying to get our lift on in here! The Gronk:  Oh, ****!  Sup, *****?  I didn’t even see you there.  You must have been hiding behind all of those cartoons that you drew on yourself. Hernandez:  For your information, Rob, these are tattoos, and they all have special importance to me.  And I’m not a *****, I’m a pro athlete just like you.  But I’m actually working to get bigger and stronger this off-season, unlike somebody here! The Gronk throws a copy of “The Body Issue” at Hernandez. The Gronk:  Check that **** out, *****.  Does it look like I need to do anymore work on my body?!  I was carved out of the very image of Bro-Zeus himself!  The only work I need to be doing right now is between the sheets, on the beach, in the hot tub, in the basement of a frat house, on a Boston rooftop, or where ever else the next piece of hot, young tail leads me! The Gronk and Brady exchange a bro-five. Hernandez:  Are you two serious?!  You’re just lucky I’m working so hard in here so that if you get hurt, I’ll be there to fill the void. The Gronk:  Whatever, douchsicle.  Dude, Bro-Brady, you should have seen this ****, dawg.  A couple of months ago, I was down in Aruba and these two pieces of pure ass fell right into my lap.  They said they were 18, but I heard one of them talk about getting her license when she got home after I finished bangin’ em both.  I have no idea how old they actually were, but that **** happened in Aruba, so who ******’ cares, bro?! Hernandez:  Ugh, that’s just sick. The Gronk:  Now you’re gettin’ it!  It was ******’ sick!  Railin’ tail, drinkin’ ale!  The bro-life, bro! Brady:  God damn I wish I was young again!  Now I’m tied down by my 2nd model-wife and a ******’ family at home.  I wish I could still bro-down with you out there, but you’re just going to have to do double duty for me. The Gronk:  Aww damn, bro.  That would be so sick! Brady:  I know, I know.  Oh well.  I’m outta here.  Later, Brosef! They exchange one more super-chill bro-hug.  Brady leaves. Hernandez:  Umm, Rob, you know, if you’re looking for somebody to “hit the town” with, I don’t have anything going on tonig- The Gronk: [Sticks his fingers in his ears.]  La La La La La I can’t hear you, bro! La La La La La La… The Gronk walks out of the locker room with his fingers in his ears as he continues to make noise. Hernandez:  [sighs] The Gronk pokes his head back into the weight room. The Gronk:  Oh, yeah.  You can keep The Body Issue.  It’ll give you something to aspire to.  Besides, I’ve got a mirror so I can look at that **** all day long.  *****!!! The Gronk leaves.
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Oakland Raiders fire Dennis Allen after 0-4 start

Did Roger Goodell’s bodyguard assault a photographer?

Kobe Bryant, Deron Williams engage in war of words

Georgia RB Todd Gurley falsely accused of punching student

Russell Westbrook: "I'm the best point guard" in NBA

Texas WR takes shot at Baylor ahead of big game

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jim Harbaugh: Deion Sanders' report is 'a bunch of crap'

Bills bench E.J. Manuel, Kyle Orton to start

Report: Jovan Belcher likely had CTE

Carmelo: Leaving NY would be hard after I 'forced my way here'

Twins fire Ron Gardenhire

Jon Lester on Wild Card start: That's why I'm here

Strahan to make cameo as stripper in 'Magic Mike' sequel

Chiefs player penalized for praying after touchdown

Bill Belichick laughs off QB question...literally

Patriots fan fails with American flag face paint

Joe Fauria's new puppy is responsible for his ankle injury

LaRon Landry suspended four games for PED violation

NBA GMs on the hot seat

Rockets GM Daryl Morey fires back at Mark Cuban

The most and least improved hitters of 2014

WATCH: Tom Wilhelmsen dances to 'Turn Down for What'

Michigan student newspaper calls for Brady Hoke's firing

14 amazing stats from Week 4 in the NFL

Patriots News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

Raiders fire Dennis Allen after 0-4 start

Chiefs player penalized for praying after TD

Did Roger Goodell’s bodyguard assault a photographer?

Kobe, Deron engage in war of words

Belichick laughs off QB question

Joe Fauria's puppy caused ankle injury

Texas WR takes shot at Baylor

Jim Harbaugh rips Deion Sanders' report

NBA GMs on the hot seat

Bills bench Manuel for Kyle Orton

The most and least improved hitters

Report: Jovan Belcher likely had CTE

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.