Originally written on Extra Pine Tar  |  Last updated 11/19/14

NEW ORLEANS - NOVEMBER 30: Quarterback Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots celebrates after Laurence Maroney scored a 2-yard rushing touchdown in the third quarter against the New Orleans Saints at Louisana Superdome on November 30, 2009 in New Orleans, Louisiana. (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)

How am I supposed to interpret the Patriots 2012 Yearbook picture? Is like an Uncle Sam thing, or a presidential thing? Are the offensive linemen in the secret service? Am I being recruiting for something? I guess this gets me excited for football season – and I can have it for the one-time fee of $12.95, which is nice – but what’s the deal here?

Most importantly, why is Tom Brady pointing at me? I mean, the Patriots sell out every game anyway – they don’t need Tom Brady to encourage me to come out to the stadium. What is being pitched to me, exactly? What do they want me for? I’m already uncomfortable when people stare me straight in the eyes – like Brady is doing – I don’t need them pointing at my chest for no reason as well.

And look at the guy in the back, two people over from Tom Brady’s left shoulder. I think that’s Turtle from Entourage. How did he manage to find his way into the photo? I have no idea who any of those players are,  except for Gronk (I think?), which might make me a bad fan, but what the hell – they’re all wearing sunglasses. I’m used to seeing them in helmets, not in suits pretending to be part of some U.S. militia.

Imagine them setting this whole thing up? Do the players get to keep the sunglasses afterwards? Did Brady have to come to the photo shoot dressed like that – in the same way that we used to dress up for school pictures – or did he go in regular clothes and the guys provided him with a presidential outfit?

Everything about this is just very confusing. At least Brady doesn’t have some Euro haircut, although he clearly didn’t shave for three or four days to get ready for the shoot – giving him that rustic, 5 o’clock shadow look we all covet. Smart.

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