Top 10 Sports Consequences of Global Warming

Using the same sad sample size logic used by Okalahoma Senator Tom "Last winter was cold, so all the scientists are wrong" Coburn... gosh, it's hot out. So hot, we have to think that we have ruined the planet forever, and that it's All Our Fault. (Well, actually, yours. I take public transportation and ride a bike and have bowel movements that smell like good barbecue.) And yes, this list is dedicated to my good friend CMJDad, who is convinced that global warming isn't just a myth, it's a conspiracy foisted by people (perhaps those swine at Big Mecury In The Landfill Light Blub) who want to pry his big truck from his cold, dead hands. Enjoy, friend! 10. PGA Tour adds tour dates in Greenland, Iceland, Alaska and Mars, Bitches 9. Florida Marlins are flooded out, inconveniencing dozens of fans and players 8. Younger Packer fans think that "Frozen Tundra" is something you drink when all the beer is gone 7. NBA superstars flock to the free agent mecca that is Minnesota 6. NFL summer camps finally achieve real suspense with heat-related body counts 5. NASCAR outlawed, which helps it become the most popular sport in the country 4. People stop caring about hockey south of the US-Canadian border 3. Hot players no longer said to be "on fire"; instead, the term will be "emitting undue amounts of greenhouse gases" 2. Pat Riley's hair harvested for bio-diesel 1. All sports terminated after both booing and cheering is determined to deplete the ozone layer