Originally posted on Vikings Digital Diaries  |  Last updated 2/1/12


Minnesota Vikings punter and favorite local video game nerd (sorry, Meagan Marie), Chris Kluwe, dropped another recent guest article over at GameTrailers.com, a website which I believe offers much more on video games than just video game trailers. He has appeared again in a sub-article category called "Side Mission" where he espouses on a variety of different video game related topics. Last time we checked, he was offering his sage knowledge on hardcore gamers versus casual nerds. This time, he's giving some simple rules to live by for those who play online multiplayer games.

Now, hear me out ... Yes, it's a bunch of weird stuff that I don't really get because I don't play MMOs. On the other hand, the rules he offers are also pretty applicable to being a good team mate on the football field, something us imbeciles understand (at least in theory) a bit better. Therefore, I've taken the liberty to "translate" these tips of Kluwe's for the less-informed crowd so that we all understand what Kluwe was saying, but more importantly, understand how not to be a "douchpickle."

Kluwe offers four main tips for MMO etiquette. These main tips are easily applicable to football players as well. Let's start off with an example:


TIP ONE: When Creating a Character ...
The essence here is that, when creating a character in an online video game, try to make it a proper reflection of yourself as your name will say a lot about you as a person and/or team mate. Now, think to football players and the numbers they choose. Purple Jesus picks number 28 because it's a strong number, even, looks good on a jersey, and reflects his football success in high school and college, as he also wore that number in both of those locations. Now, Jared Allen? #69? OK, we get it. Good joke. Reeeaaaalll mature, fella.


TIP TWO: When Soloing ...
Tip Two for online playing is multifaceted. What it essentially breaks down to though, is let a person do their job. Respect their goals, help them out if needed, but don't try to steal their thunder, their awards, or act petty while they are working hard. Obviously, this has been a major problem with the Vikings team the past two years as most players are not willing to put in the work to be successful, but rather want to ride on the coat tails of Purple Jesus, Your Highness Harvin, and Kluwe to another NFC Championship game. Truth is though, the team will never get back to that spot unless each player does their individual task at hand. Charlie Johnson, block that pass rusher, you lardo. Chris Cook, stop choking women and defend a pass. Chad Greenway, get inspired by a little Sandusky play and stuff that A-gap. It's that easy. When everyone does their job, the unit as a whole succeeds.


TIP THREE: When Grouping ...
For Kluwe, the idea behind group play online is very similar to team play on the field. Like Tip Two, Tip Three here also has many dimensions to the rule. In both cases, what it essentially comes down to is that you are now playing a team game. While you definitely need to complete your own individual tasks, you also need to understand the larger goals as a unit. To achieve them, open your god damn mouth and tell Jamarca Sanford that you think you have help over the top on a pass play. Let Kevin Williams know that you're dropping back into coverage on an audible call. Keeping these open lines of communication (even admitting that you have no idea what's going on, ASHER) is OK! It actually will help the team! Which reflects the final piece of Tip Three; never break formation. Have your partner's back and stay close together, and everything will be fine.


TIP FOUR: When PvPing ...
You know what, I have no idea what this one is about. Player versus player? The only hint Kluwe gives in his article is it's "similar to the rule for avoiding an STD." This, of course, must mean "don't have sex with Greg Camarillo in the shower." But that rule is pretty self explanatory.

So really, whether you understand the online video game angle of Kluwe's article or not, there are still many good life lessons to be taken away from the post. Also, he uses colorful language like "penisbeaks" and "SirBluntzalot421." That must be Harvin's online moniker. *zing!*

[follow]
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Philip Rivers cleared to play Sunday against Bills

Simone Biles blasts Gabby Douglas over response to sexual abuse post

D'Angelo Russell underwent arthroscopic knee surgery Friday

Derrick Rose to miss at least two weeks with ankle injury

Jameis Winston: Uber driver’s ‘accusation is false’

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Jerry Jones apologizes after video of racially charged comment emerges

Russell Wilson couldn't talk, was on liquid diet for days due to nearly broken jaw

Report: Tennessee has 'considerable reservations' about hiring Jon Gruden

NFL owner reached out to Adam Silver about commissioner job?

‘Still OKC’ Kevin Durant: ‘Ain’t no such thing’ as loyalty

Report: Leonard Fournette’s ankle is ‘still not right’

Sports & Politics Intersect: Is Jerry out of his league?

The 'An I, Tonya for an eye (or knee)' quiz

Should the Broncos make Tyrod Taylor their next quarterback?

15 mid-majors you need to know before you hear about them in March

NCAA college football 2017 Week 12 predictions

NFL Week 11 predictions

Follow Ben Simmons as he leads us to the NBA's unknown future

The Saints flipped the script to revive their season

The 15 best and 15 worst MLB signings of the last decade

The 'It's a major award!' quiz

Vikings' unnecessary quarterback conundrum is Mike Zimmer's doing

Time to admit the Blues are good, but can they be great?

Vikings News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Yardbarker Privacy Policy and Terms of Service. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.

Sports & Politics Intersect: Is Jerry out of his league?

15 mid-majors you need to know before you hear about them in March

The 'An I, Tonya for an eye (or knee)' quiz

Should the Broncos make Tyrod Taylor their next quarterback?

The 15 best and 15 worst MLB signings of the last decade

The 'It's a major award!' quiz

Follow Ben Simmons as he leads us to the NBA's unknown future

The Saints flipped the script to revive their season

NFL Week 11 predictions

NCAA college football 2017 Week 12 predictions

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker