Originally written on Barry Melrose Rocks  |  Last updated 11/13/14
Toronto_maple_leafs_b7ba

Hello Tim, the guy from the Tim Horton's Ad I dressed up as for Halloween, 

 

Special thanks to @DasNordlicht91 and @kid_kawartha for the still.

I’m sorry if my costume was offensive. It was kind of an inside joke with me and the other Leafs guys.  They kept buying me Tim Horton’s coffee (even though I don’t really drink coffee) and asking me about a BELT. I know the B stands for bacon, but also that sausage is equally tasty.  Also, I had maybe an hour to think up and make my costume.  I ended up late to that party.  I HATE being late to anywhere if I can help it. 

To be honest, I think you and other construction guys are doing a swell job here in Canada. Everybody needs roads and buildings and I’m sure you’re doing a bang-up job in between starring in commercials.  You can point to something after you’ve finished and say “I helped build that.”  No matter what I do, you’ll always have that, unless your building gets torn down or catches on fire or something.

You say I’m better looking and more successful than you, but that’s just not true.  I mean, I can’t run a crane, or whatever construction thing you do.  I also can’t grow a beard that’s as thick or as red as yours, so that’s a plus!  I’m sure it gets cold working construction, and that beard is great for keeping your face warm.  My beard isn’t nearly as good for that.
 

I can see you’re frustrated and mad, and I understand.  I wasn’t trying to be mean—I really do care about the construction workers everywhere, who work on heavy machinery and do dangerous work to make things we all take for granted.  You all deserve a special day and—wait…was that a middle finger at the end? Dion Phaneuf keeps telling me it’s a Hawaiian good luck sign, but I have a sneaky suspicion that it’s not a very nice gesture.  If that’s so, I’ll be awfully steamed that you were so rude to me on YouTube.

What’s this? An apology?

I accept your apology, Tim Horton’s guy.  You have seen the error of your ways, and God really appreciates that.  Maybe sometime, we could go out for donuts or something. Get to know each other beyond this silly Internet rivalry.  Gosh darn it, I think we could even be friends.

Hold on…DID YOU END YOUR VIDEO WITH “GO HABS?”

That kind of malarkey is just unforgiveable.  Darn it.

GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Cristiano Ronaldo nets hat trick, sets career high for goals

WATCH: Cormier tells Jones to get his s-- together

Fans holding 'Free Tom Brady Rally' at Gillette Stadium

Josh Hamilton to be activated by Rangers

WATCH: Top CB recruit makes insane catch doing backflip

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Biggest surprises of the MLB season

Marcus Mariota leads NFL in jersey sales for May

Report: Scott Skiles frontrunner for Magic coaching job

Shanahan: injuries are not why Robert Griffin III struggles

Kyle Korver ruled out for remainder of playoffs

Randy Moss attends cancer survivor's graduation

Jim Harbaugh compares his driving to Jeff Gordon's

WATCH: High school seals win with perfect hidden ball trick

Warriors crush Rockets in Houston to take 3-0 series lead

WATCH: D'Angelo Russell whiffs on horrible golf swing

Brian Matusz ejected for having foreign substance on arm

PHOTO: Don Cherry wears wild suit even for his taste

PHOTOS: Gigantic sinkhole at Jack Nicklaus golf course

WATCH: Memphis player catches defense sleeping, scores

WATCH: Astros turn around-the-horn triple play

French Open Women's preview: Who will make the quarters?

WATCH: Bryan Price gets ejected before game starts

WATCH: Vin Scully narrates fan's marriage proposal

NHL News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Eight biggest surprises of the MLB season

Bryan Price ejected before first pitch

Vin Scully narrates marriage proposal

Pats fan's obituary defends Brady

Marlins players skip own charity event

John Wall tells All-NBA Team voters to ‘keep sleeping’

Jim Kelly: No doubt Tom Brady cheated

Post-combine NBA Draft big board: Top 30

Ex-players sue NFL for conspiring to push painkillers

Astros surprising, but can get better with Correa

Here come the Giants

Aaron Hernandez got new tattoo in prison

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.