LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER
“Aww, It’s Just A Grammy”
We can’t offer a cure for the despondency of the first football-less Sunday in months. At best, we can provide a distraction. Therefore we suggest you spend some time this evening with Cajun Boy over at the Uproxx flagship page for a Grammy Awards open thread. Will the entire broadcast be dedicated to Whitney Houston or just the one watchable part? I’ll be pulling for Skrillex...
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15 hours ago
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15 hours ago
Discuss
This Week In F–k You: The Wall Street Journal
It’s the offseason. There’s no football on, and there won’t be for a long, long time. You’re hurt. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, hating things is what we do best. Which is why we have the ongoing series This Week In F–K You. This week: The Wall Street Journal.
Last year, the Wall Street Journal introduced us...
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2 days ago
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2 days ago
Sexy Friday Ushers In The Worst Weekend of the Year
Sure, the off-season has been upon us for a few days now, but the despair doesn’t really set in until Sunday, when you rouse yourself from a hangover only to to discover there’s no more football to get drunk to for, like, forever. It’s devastating. It’s cold and miserable and awful and please put me into a coma until the Draft or March Madness. I’m sick just thinking about...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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2 days ago
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2 days ago
Fun With Mock Drafts: Sugary Cereals That Are Worth the Risk of Diabetes
Image via. Buy it here.
Welcome to the first mock draft of the 2012 off-season. Once again we’ll be holding a weekly mock draft each Friday between now and the actual NFL draft during April’s final week. Now if you’re new to the site you should probably know that these mock drafts have absolutely nothing to do with football. Real mock drafts are worthless, so we do this to...
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2 days ago
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2 days ago
Todd Haley: Occasional Non-Butthole
Steelers already squander Haley’s “one shower per team” quota.
Camarogate continues in Yinzburgh, as Todd Haley was introduced yesterday as the Steelers new offensive coordinator. Meanwhile, THE BEN, who has still yet to meet Haley, presses on with his painstaking investigation into whether Todd is GOOD PLAYCALL HOBO or BAD MAN. Based on their individual pasts,...
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2 days ago
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2 days ago
The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag: Now With Horizontal Showering
I have a new goal in life: get it on in this horizontal shower (thanks to Drew for sharing). All the hot water action of shower sex without the gymnastics or single-nozzle issues. Sign me up.
As for this week’s mailbag, some of the subjects are: Peyton Manning, transitioning to a keeper league, meeting girls in your teens, casual sex in your 20s, the amygdala, and an email so eminently...
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3 days ago
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3 days ago
Make Us The HeadSkins, COOCH
It’s only took a decade or so, but repeated disappointment finally tempered the mania and inflated expectations of many D.C. fans whenever Daniel Snyder gasses up the jet and goes hunting for faded big-name free agents. Still, you can always count on some to fall into the Offseason Champs trap. When it does happen, it is glorious. It’s my favorite thing about Washington...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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3 days ago
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3 days ago
Rob Gronkowski, You’ve Been Busted By The Grief Police
Son, do you know why I pulled you over?
I observed you going through a post-Super Bowl loss period experiencing little to no sign of outward remorse or crushing sadness. One might even go as far as to say you displayed borderline joyous behavior.
These are serious charges, son. As serious as losing a Super Bowl. When I see you prancing about all willy-nilly like it don’t mean...
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3 days ago
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3 days ago
WE AHHHHHH HAWNTED!!!!
FACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!
Has they-ahhh evah been a more-ah tortchahhhhed fanbase than the LEGENDARY FANS OF BAWBBY V NATION?!
(dips)
I had a bad feeling about this game! WE AWLL DID! When you ahhh a Bawston fan, you can spawt trouble comin’ round the cornah! Like when a pack of Rawxbury dahhhkies comes sweeping into town because it’s payday and they need to...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
Meme With Peter King
Our excitement in fallout from the Super Bowl has plateaued, with the only items of note being Brandon Jacobs telling Gisele to shut up, Kurt Warner stoking tedious “Is Eli a Hall of Famer yet?” discussions and Greg Jones’ mom appearing less than thrilled about his son’s on-field proposal to this white woman. While we wait a few days before the Bucs decide to already fire...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
The Rog Corrects The Finger Malfunction
[NFL Ministry of Culture]
Sentry: Authorized visitor in Sector 23819. Open cell!
Guard: Opening cell!
[Cell door opens, pained groans emanate from within]
Roger Goodell: Are we awake?
M.I.A.: Uggghhhh… where am I?
Goodell: I’ll ask the questions.
M.I.A.: This is bullsh*t. You can’t hold me. I have rights. People will find out about this. They’ll -
Goodell...
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4 days ago
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4 days ago
KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Introducing Bradying, Te-snowing
- The new sensation sweeping Troll Nation: Bradying, which involves people adopting Tom Brady’s sullen pose of defeat from the Super Bowl. Busted Coverage already has some submissions from readers. I prefer @matt_T‘s approach (above) of just Photoshopping him into existing memes and funny situations, but that’s me.
- Of course, there can be no Bradying without its more pious...
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
Gronkowski Party Rocked The Pain Away
If you love lumbering Ivan Drago dance party and insane amounts of audio distortion, I’ve got just the video for you. If only we knew Gronk liked to dance with shirtless guys so much, we’d have recommended he hang out with Vince Young more.
[Holds nose while crediting Barstool]
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
Mommy, Wow, I’m An Elite Now!
Disney World? Eli been had Disney World. This time, he’s going for the gusto.
In other “Eli is the little slugger made good” developments:
Oh ho ho! Disarming bit of self-deprecation or calculated remark to draw a prized new endorsement for Eli?
“Slowly maturing. Experiencing weird changes. Uncomfortable in his own skin. Eli Manning is. That’s why he uses the Lil’ Bastard’s...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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5 days ago
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5 days ago
Knowshon Moreno: Another Victim of Vanity Plate Determinism
And so we begin our sad lurch into the off-season, where the best hope for news beyond the future of Peyton Manning is draft speculation and player misdeeds. Lucky for us, a nice example of the latter has already come our way. Here’s the report from TMZ minus the half dozen unnecessary ellipses:
Denver Broncos running back Knowshon Moreno was arrested for drunk driving in Denver...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Camaros and Motorcycles: Together At Last
The Steelers have hired famed shouting homeless person Todd Haley to be their next offensive coordinator. Because that’s a reasonable move from a team that forced out Bruce Arians because his play-calling was too pass-happy.
It’s a curious call as few can tell the dynamic of the relationship Haley will have with Ben Roethlisberger. Will Haley constantly berate The Ben...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Congrats, Giants Fans. Now Piss Off And Die
When a team that KSK collectively loathes makes it to the Super Bowl, we can get a little carried away with rooting for their opponent. This might lead some to believe that we objectively approve of a slapdick team like the Giants. We do not. We hate everyone. Just some a little more than others. The Giants are goddamn annoying, but only slightly less annoying than the Patriots....
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
The Blame Brady Crowd Is My New Favorite Fringe Movement
You can expect a bit of messy fallout from any team losing a championship game – backbiting player comments to the media, fans starting pointless petitions complaining about calls, riots, supermodel wives of star quarterbacks throwing her hubby’s receivers under the bus for drops. Then, there are those brainfarts that are so powerfully repellent that they linger through all of...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Peter King Could Have Been An Architect
When we last left Geno Auriemma’s biographer Peter King, he was marveling over Mike Mayock’s travel schedule. How can one man be in both the continental US and Hawaii all in the SAME DAY?! That defies physics! He was also not proud to tell you he watched a bit of the Kardashians (MOAR FUNKHAUSER PLEEZ), and told you that he wasn’t gonna write about Peyton Manning...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Meast and Least of Super Bowl XLVI
Today is Patriots Schadenfreude Day, which is always a supreme delight, but does come tinged by the knowledge that once it’s over, there’s still about 220 more days until meaningful NFL games are played. Womp womp. It’s no consolation, but we’ll have our usual array of KSK off-season features anyway. Some readers enjoy them as much or even more than our in-season content...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
First Enjoyable Super Bowl PR Spam Possibly Ever
Now please never send me another e-mail, UGGs.
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Troll Brady: So Hawt, You Guys
In Super Bowl XLVI, it was Tom Brady: Troll Genius who was tragically trolled by his receivers’ drops and his defense’s inability to fall on fumbles. He might have also hung up an underthrown deep ball to Gronkowski that was picked, but Collinsworth wanted to blame that one on Gronk for some misguided reason, which is dumb but helps us stick with a theme. Anyway, Dreamboat got...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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6 days ago
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6 days ago
Faceboat Dreampalm
This picture is worth a thousand $25 million Brentwood mansions.
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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7 days ago
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7 days ago
Bradshaw’s Derpdown Excused; Belichick Reinforces Holmgren’s Law Of Letting Teams Score
Bless you, Giants.
Bless you, ringier Manning. There are probably some positive words that can be spelled with the letters in your name.
Bill Simmons is in Brady’s hotel room already calling Manningham’s sideline catch even luckier than Tyree’s giant snatch. The Patriots now have a losing record in the Super Bowl. I won’t have to see Madonna and Jerry Seinfeld...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
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7 days ago
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7 days ago
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