LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER
Sexy Friday Invites You To The First Bikini Beach Party Of The Summer
As much as I respect my UPROXXian colleague Danger Guerrero, his opinions on the ocean are what my Jewish grandmother Sylvia would have called, “Bupkis” if she actually existed. Sure, I hate things like sharks and octopi and whales and jellyfish and krakens, but if it weren’t for the oceans, we wouldn’t have beaches, and without beaches we wouldn’t have bikinis, and without...
KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Guns, Hot Air Balloons and Cheeseheads
Via The Jets Blog
- New York Jets running back Mike Goodson was arrested early this morning when police discovered him and another man intoxicated in a parked SUV in Denville, New Jersey. CBSSports.com’s Will Brinson reports Goodson was found to be in possession of marijuana, drug paraphernalia, an unlawful handgun, a loaded gun and hollow-point rounds. Bail was set for Goodson...
Bill Belichick hates your minor health concerns
Kyle Love was recently diagnosed with Diabetes, which is astounding considering how healthy he is.
Anyway, Mr Love was released two weeks later due to “non-football injury”. Yeah, they can try to be coy, but lets be real here. He got released for his Diabetes. Now, Jay Cutler has Diabetes, but it doesn’t really affect his play. Jay Cutler’s lack of O-line causes his play...
This Week In F–k You: The Ocean
Summer is almost here. This means a number of things: warm weather, the smell of fresh cut grass, sitting outside after dinner with an iced tea or adult beverage and laughing with friends, etc. But it also means a bunch of disturbed people are going to fire up their misguided love affair with the ocean. “Oh, the ocean is so relaxing,” they’ll say, like idiots. “I love everything...
KSK Kommenter Draft: Chopped Mystery Basket
Welcome back for another round of fierce kommenter drafting. This week we’re going to be picking our own mystery baskets for an episode of Chopped. For those unfamiliar with the show, there are three rounds, each with its own mystery basket. Each basket contains four ingredients that the chefs must use in dish that is then judged on taste, presentation and creativity. You know...
NFL Analyst Power Rankings (Official) #7- Chris Berman
I’m PFT Commenter and I’m counting down the 10 sharpest minds in the industry. Where will your favorite analyst or sports person land? (probably not high)
Ranked on: Infotainment value, being a pros pro and strength of takes
7. Chris Berman
Infotainment Value: 9
Boom switches from just a nother guy at the barstool crackin wise to giving it to you straight mode faster then anyone...
KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag: We Got the Full Spectrum Here
We got a big mailbag this week, people. Sure, there’s the usual run of fantasy questions, but more impressively, we seem to have the full spectrum of relationships here — from getting engaged to being on the rocks to EPIC break-ups to happily married and living on a cruise ship. It’s a fun one. Let’s dive in.
Caveman,
Football first: My league switched to keepers this...
Josh Cribbs’s First Feature Film Has A Movie Poster: THE MURDERS OF BRANDYWINE THEATER
Image via Eddy Spaghetti Productions
Josh Cribbs has more than a new contract in Oakland to celebrate, the independent horror film THE MURDERS OF BRANDYWINE THEATER he stars in with wrestler Diamond Dallas Page, Martin Klebba (PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, “Scrubs” and Dian Bachar (BASEKETBALL, “South Park”, “Two Guys, A Girl And A Pizza Place”) and no less than Les Claypool...
The End Of The Silky Garrard Era In New York
Ladies, please understand. There comes in a time in all of our careers we must call it quits. Silky’s House of the Rising Best Little Bunny Ranch has had a good run, and if you made it this far with me consider yourself lucky. Statistically speaking, we’ve all beaten the odds. Twelve years as an NFL quarterback or twelve years working in one of the finest brothels in this country...
Gallery: Evan Mathis, Guy Who Pees On Things
Philadelphia Eagles guard Evan Mathis wears No. 69 on his uniform, so it’s my basic assumption as a guy who was once a teenager that Mathis is a jokester. And judging by his Twitter response to Chip Kelly’s elimination of “Taco Thursday and Fat Boy Friday” my assessment is probably correct. But further proof of Evan’s zany nature came yesterday when he Tweeted the above...
KILL KILL KILL: LESS KILLING, MORE TERRIFYING
Listen, I looked long and hard for a good KILL KILL KILL for this week while Ape’s on vacation. I tried. But I couldn’t make it through any videos of a furry animal killing another furry animal. Then I tried hawks, eagles and other birds. Stumbled upon a blue heron eating a baby duckling and was like NOPE not birds. After the birds, I tried animals of the ocean, but even that...
Richard Sherman Keeping The ‘Fail Mary’ Alive
On July 7, Seattle Seahawks CB Richard Sherman will host his Celebrity Softball Game for charity, as his teammates and other local bigshots will take the field at Cheney Stadium in Tacoma for nine innings of good, clean fun. And just to make sure that it is extra fun for the Seahawks fans donating their hard-earned coin to people in need, the Shermanator has invited a very special...
Hard Knocks: The League Office Scene 4 by @PFTCommenter
Hard Knocks Scene 4 by @PFTCommenter
This is the next to last scene of Hard Knocks: The League Office which is expected to get picked up by HBO soon.
De Smith and Goodells Dads Body with Junior Seauses brain walk out of the closet and give Rachel Nichols a couple moments to get herself put together. The room is starting to fill with reporters and you see NFL mainstays like your...
The Case Of Chip Kelly And The Missing Tacos: Tokyo Drift
[Three Philadelphia Eagles -- DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, and rookie quarterback Matt Barkley -- are on their way back to the practice field after eating lunch in the team's cafeteria. Their new coach, Chip Kelly, has made waves by getting rid of popular menu items like tacos and cheeseburgers and replacing them with healthier alternatives like low-fat fruit smoothies and chicken...
Victor Cruz Is Close To A New Deal
New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin recently admitted that the Victor Cruz contract talks were starting to become a distraction. As Cruz has been mostly silent during this offseason, at least regarding the twigs and berries of his wishes and demands, the speculative media monster had previously suggested that Cruz was looking for a contract that would pay him more than $10 million...
Better Know A Draft Pick: Marcus Lattimore
The draft has come and gone, but there are still plenty of under the radar picks we could know a bit better. After all, most of us didn’t bother sitting through three horrible days of the NFL Draft.
Name: Marcus Lattimore
Position: Running back
Selected by: San Francisco, with one of their thirty-seven draft picks picks
Pick: **** if I know, they had like forty of them.
School...
NFL Analyst Power Rankings (Official) #8- Jim Rome
I’m PFT Commenter and I’m counting down the 10 sharpest minds in the industry. Where will your favorite analyst or sports person land? (probably not high)
Ranked on: Infotainment value, being a pros pro and strength of takes
8. Jim Rome
Infotainment Value: 5
Alot of people dont know this but before the internet age i was actually a pretty well known caller on Romes...
Good morning, campers. Guess who is back? His name rhymes with Brett Favre.
“We want to have (Favre) back in the family.” — Green Bay Packers CEO Mark Murphy, speaking to FOXSportsWisconsin.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” — Everyone else, pleading to the heavens.
Looks like Packers are continuing to the lay the goodwill groundwork with Favre so they can retire his number in Green Bay soon. Earlier this year “It’s not my job to train him”...
KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Drew Brees as Gatsby, Tony Romo as Staubach
Image from @DrewBrees via TBL
- It seems a little on the nose for New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees and his $100 million contract to dress up in roaring ’20s costumes with his wife for a screening of THE GREAT GATSBY, but they did it anyway. Hopefully they were smart enough to use some of their money to hire a car service for the ride home.
- Philadelphia Eagles running...
Donovan McNabb Will Retire As An Eagle
Sorry, Washington Redskins fans. Tough titties, Minnesota Vikings fans. I’m sure that you were all desperately wishing that when the day finally came, Donovan McNabb would choose to retire as a part of your franchises, but… hey, why are you guys all cheering and celebrating? Anyway, McNabb was a guest on ESPN Radio 97.7 on Monday, and he indeed revealed that he plans to retire...
GRUDEN TALK: Jon and Herm Discuss BENGHAZI with Former Secretary of Defense Robert Gates
Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY. REPUBLICANS KEEP TALKING ABOUT BENGHAZI WHILE DEMOCRATS SAY IT’S A FAD LIKE THE K-GUN OFFENSE. BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, HAVE YOU PAID ATTENTION TO BENGHAZI?
Herm: IF ONLY FOX NEWS IS TALKING ABOUT IT THEN I DON’T CARE.
Jon: WELL WE GOT FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE ROBERT...
NFL Analyst Power Rankings (Official) #9- Rush Limbaugh
I’m counting down the 10 sharpest minds in the industry. Where will your favorite analyst or sports person land? (probably not high)
Ranked on: Infotainment value, being a pros pro and strength of takes.
8. Rush Limbaugh
Infotainment Value: 8
Rush is a Gayle Sayers type of analyst= his career was a bright shining beacon of how beautiful and graceful journalism can be even if we...
Titus Young’s Dad Says This Isn’t His Son Committing These Crimes
Former Detroit Lions receiver Titus Young was arrested for the third time in one week on Saturday morning, elevating him to the status of arguably the most versatile and complete athlete criminal in recent history. But as much as people have laughed at Young’s plight and told jokes about him like, “Knock, knock… who’s there? It’s Officer Jones, I’m here to arrest Titus...
The New Vikings Stadium Looks Like The Sandcrawler In Star Wars
Sorry, but I’m not sorry. This was all I could think of when I flipped through the proposed design images of the new Vikings stadium unveiled last night at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis. From the side, the stadium has the exact shape as the Sandcrawler in Star Wars.
The Vikings and architectural firm HKS Sports and Entertainment group presented their 65,000-seat (expandable...
Rick Reilly, a Poem by Rick Reilly
Hi, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m Rick Reilly. Many people have already commented on my incredible, insightful poem I released about the New York Jets. I know you are just hankering for more Rick Reilly, because why wouldn’t you be? I’m Rick Reilly! So here is a special KSK exclusive poem about Rick Reilly, by me, Rick Reilly!
Rick Reilly, a poem about Rick Reilly,...
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