LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER

Sexy Friday Dooooooooonnnn’tttt Caaaaaaarrrrrrreeeeeeee

[via]Sorry, time for Kristen Cavallari to move on. I don’t care if she and Cutler have kids together. Who dares stand in the way of fate?Happy weekend, all. Use it well. [via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via][via]
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

Meet Palcohol: Powdered Alcohol, Just What Your Tailgate Needed

Attention all tailgaters, the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau has approved powdered alcohol according to Bevlog, a beverage industry law blog. That’s right, powdered alcohol you can add to your food, your drinks, or you know, just put in your mouth like Pop Rocks and let the magic happen.Meet Palcohol, the substance that is talking directly to football fans in their copy...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

30 Weekends Without Football: Eli Manning Down, Darren McFadden To Go

Wait, ten weekends down and only twenty more to go before kickoff? When did this happen? Has it been that long since the last offseason Mood Watch?  While I was down all week, mostly because this extended time before the draft is possibly the most annoying time on the NFL schedule and anyone uttering the phrase “moving him down my draft board” should get a banned from talking...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

KSK Mock Draft: CANDY

FACT: 60% of all Easter candy (and 100% of marshmallow peeps) get put into the pantry every year and stay there until next Easter. We here at KSK are combatting that by starting the definitive candy mock draft so that you can plan your Easter purchases accordingly.With only two rounds completed, there are lots of good ones that we left off. Let us know how dumb we are in the comments...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

Alternate Movie Versions of Draft Day

So that NFL Draft movie came out last weekend and proved once and for all that Kevin Costner is only good at baseball movies. The movie was typical sports drama fluff. Simplification of technical aspects and exaggeration of drama. EVERYONE IS MAD AT EACH OTHER! Kevin Costner is a rebel GM without a cause! Of course he tricks two teams into making incredibly dumb trades that no team...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

Best Week/Worst Week: Redskins Fans and John Idzik

“Put Kevin Sheehan on the phone.”Didja hear the news about RGIII? He’s back, baby. ‘Tana said so himself! He finally got that daggone brace off of his knee, and he’s takin’ COOCH Gruden straight to the SOOPER BOWL.And ya know who he’s workin’ out with over at the Lifetime Fitness? COOOOOOOLEY! Maybe RGIII can convince him to come back. You just know he’s got enough...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

KSK Mailbag: Welcome back, anal questions!

Getty ImageEarly in the KSK sexbag’s existence, readers seemed to only have one interest: convincing their love interest to try anal, to the point that everyone who read it was like, “ENOUGH WITH THE ANAL.” And while I hope that doesn’t return as a weekly staple, I’m pleased that today’s anal question at least has a different angle.But let’s talk about MY gaping hole...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

Donovan McNabb Reportedly Arrested For DUI In Arizona In January But The Mug Shot Comes Now

[via]Donovan McNabb was arrested in Maricopa County, Arizona, which put him unfortunately in the jurisdiction of celebrity racial profiling sheriff Joe Arpaio. Early Thursday afternoon, Arpaio’s office released a mug shot of Donovan McNabb without any details of what, exactly, McNabb had been arrested for.Since Arpaio made a stunt of it and released a celebrity mugshot before he...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
1 day ago  |  Discuss

Ugly Bowl Voting: Finals

Finally. After months of voting, of waiting, and of petty insults levied at the athletes we would almost certainly be killed by should they ever find out where we live, we have reached the 2013 National Football League Ugly Bowl Championship. And it’s a doozy.Representing the NFC, we have Mike Glennon.[via]Glennon was one of the early favorites to win it all, and between his weird...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

Get Your Poutine Ready: Chad Johnson Joins The CFL

[via]Hot CFL free agency news: Chad Johnson has signed with the Montreal Alouettes, a team he should rightfully be joining with Tim Tebow, but the Godslinger considers himself too good for our neighbors to the north (also equally possible that they’re too good for him).When last the football world saw Chad, it was getting himself kicked off the Miami Dolphins during “Hard Knocks”...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse — Drew Brees Can Fly (He Can’t Fly)

Breesus takes flight, provided he has ankle supports while doing explosive push-ups. More or less the same thing. Hopefully this comfort with supports means Brees will warm up the idea of being in a kung-fu movie once day. Even better: a kung-fu version of Noah.– Sidney Rice visited the Jets then immediately re-signed with the Seahawks. Rex must have picked the wrong kind of stripper...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

This Week In F–k You: The NFL schedule roll-out

It’s been a long April without the usual NFL Draft shenanigans; the NFL was forced to move the NFL Draft from its usual perch in late April because of (allegedly) scheduling issues at Radio City Music Hall. And, so, we are left to sit and wonder when we’ll finally get to see the full NFL schedule, something to whet our appetite and give us all something to do: namely, start prognosticating...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

Cheesy Names For The New Packers Dating Site

Getty ImageGood news single and looking Packers fans, there is a new dating site geared just for you, GreenBayPackerLovers.com or ”Packer Backers” for short. Neither one of these names really got the KSK crew in the mood for romance (or even a quick hook-up in the middle of the night involving a melting nacho sauce over our lovers — IT’S A THING) so we decided to help the...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

Jets Sign Chris Johnson, Become The Scariest Team of 2010

Getty ImageYesterday, the New York Jets made a big splash when they signed running back Chris Johnson, who was released by the Tennessee Titans earlier this month. Between the Johnson signing, and last month’s acquisition of Michael Vick, the Jets have made enormous strides in their quest to become the scariest NFL team of 2010.“We’re unstoppable,” Jets coach Rex Ryan said...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
2 days ago  |  Discuss

Michael Strahan, New York Media Power Player (Ahead of Peter King!)

Getty ImageToday “LIVE” co-host and soon-to-be “Good Morning America” correspondent Michael Strahan was named to The Hollywood Reporter’s annual 35 Most Powerful People in New York Media for 2014. The honor comes preferable restaurant reservations, legitimate powerbroker status and most importantly, invites to the best summer parties in the Hamptons.Bob Costas also appears...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Report: The 49ers Are Sick Of Aldon Smith’s Sh*t

Getty ImageThe 49ers appear to be at the end of their rope with Aldon Smith, according to a report by CBS Sports’ Ryan Wilson. After Smith’s recent arrest for saying he has a bomb in an airport, 49ers leadership seems to be considering letting Smith hit free agency on May 3rd instead of picking up the 9.75 million option for 2015. While this is sad for Smith, and will only inspire...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Happy Birthday, Grumblelord!

In honor of our mighty Grumblelord’s birthday, a poem:Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m wearing this sweatshirt just for you.Also honoring Coach Bill Belichick’s birthday, the Patriots pro shop which is offering free hoodie pins with the purchase of — you guessed it — a hoodie. As someone with a long interest in sports merchandising, I have to wonder why the team has...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Better Know A Draft Pick: Khalil Mack

Getty ImageFirst name: KhalilLast name: MackHeight: 6’3″Weight: 251 lbsPosition: OLB/DECollege: BuffaloAre they a fully accredited Division 1 college: ApparentlyHigh school: Fort Pierce CentralOther famous alumni: Former MLB catcher Charles JohnsonOther famous Fort Piercers: Rick Ankiel and Will Leitch, who isn’t really from Fort Pierce but probably spends about half of his...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Kommentariat Komments of the Week: April 9-15, 2014

Last week everyone was off their game. Understandable. It’s the offseason and everything is terrible. This week? This week I nearly tinkled myself laughing at everyone in the KILL KILL KILL thread when a North American White-Tail Deer truther showed up to say that Ape was going to get mauled by a certain cervidae. Deer truthers. Hard to believe that has to be a thing, but here...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Don’t Forget, Matt Flynn, You’re Here Forever

After spending the last two years trying with no avail to make it as a big-city starting quarterback in Seattle in Oakland, Matt Flynn has accepted his fate as Aaron Rodgers Backup For Life. After washing out with the Seahawks and Raiders, it became readily evident that Flynn was only competent when playing in Green Bay, and would have no choice but to spend his life holding clipboards...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

The Official Kissing Suzy Kolber Scouting Report

The NFL Draft is coming up, which means that every talking head from ESPN to PFT to MMQB and back will be talking about Wonderlic scores. We here at Kissing Suzy Kolber, however, are sick of the hypocrisy inherent in sports pundits judging draft picks for their scores on the test without first taking the test themselves. In that spirit, we have each taken a sample Wonderlic-styled...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
3 days ago  |  Discuss

Kill Kill Kill: The Golden Eagle Returns

Kill Kill Kill has previously featured the majestic and lethal badassery of golden eagles. How could it not? In those instances, however, the prey was something that posed little danger to anything, like some stupid goat that got tossed off a mountain, or even less imposing, a deer.It was time to give the golden eagle a more formidable opponent. How about… A WOLF! They can kill...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
4 days ago  |  Discuss

KSK Kontent Klearinghouse: Gronk Goes Double Meat

Gronk eat steak. Two hand steak. Steak is good. So much steak. Down it goes. No more steak.Yepp finally finished em both! #WhereIsDessert #YumYum pic.twitter.com/1KtLi3W9wN— Rob Gronkowski (@RobGronkowski) April 15, 2014– Miami police confirmed that Ricardo Lockett called the cops twice just after midnight on April 2 because a woman refused to leave his apartment, which was also...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
4 days ago  |  Discuss

Guess The Schedule, Win Some Crap

The 2014 NFL regular season schedule is expected to be released by the end of April. The Rams are spicing things up a bit by offering fans the chance to win $100,000 by guessing how their schedule is going to play out. The Rams’ opponents for the season are already known, so all the remains putting them and the bye week in the right order. To further complicate things, entrants...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
4 days ago  |  Discuss

Ochocinco: The Montreal Diaries

In June 2014, former NFL wide receiver Chad Ochocinco” Johnson was signed to the Montreal Alouettes of the Canadian Football league. His time there was short, and tenuous to say least. While in Montreal, Ochocinco kept a diary of his experiences. KSK has recovered the diary, and we are proud to present to you for the first time, a selection of entries from the Ochocinco Montreal...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
4 days ago  |  Discuss
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