LATEST STORIES FROM KISSING SUZY KOLBER

NFL Announces New Bag Restrictions, Renders Millions Of Purses Useless And Alienates Female Fans

This is my game day purse. It is officially licensed NFL merchandise from Littlearth, and if memory serves me correctly it is actually called the Game Day Purse. It holds my Terrible Towel, small wallet, keys, sunscreen, hand wipes, spare handwarmers, extra hair rubberbands, tickets and when needed, enough maxipads and tampons to get me through a 12-hour game day outing. I’m a...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 14, 2013  |  Discuss

Tony Romo Apparently To Blame For Basketball Turnovers As Well

Spurs commit 18 turnovers tonight, Tony Romo was in attendance: pic.twitter.com/HreN1qxp4k — NFL on FOX (@NFLONFOX) June 14, 2013 Tony Romo told the media this week that they don’t matter. Not to the Cowboys, not to him, not to anybody but a bunch of bored fanboys who need narrative to round out their fandom. While that’s all almost certainly true, it just means the media...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 14, 2013  |  Discuss

The KSK Sex & Fantasy Football Mailbag Is 100% Party Zone

(via) Hello friends! In case you haven’t noticed, summer is in full swing (don’t bring that solstice crap around here). As a married man, my summer involves family vacations and going to the park to sit on blankets with friends while we watch dogs and babies play. This is fine: it makes me happy to spend time with people I love. But YOU, single people… YOU have a responsibility...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

Mount Flushmore – AFC North

Today we’re tackling the AFC North which features 2 terrible franshises from the state of Ohio and no I’m not talking about Rax Roast Beef and Skyline Chili which ironically have produced exactly as many gross turds as the Browns and Bengals over the years. Cincinnati Bengals: Chris Henry- I mean come on Pacman Jones- I mean come on Chad Slowchocinco Johnson- Currently in jail...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

Pete Carroll Is Just A Man With Questions

Via Deadspin comes the story of Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll and his meeting last spring with retired U.S. general and Seattle native Peter Chiarelli, who was wrapping up his run as the Army’s vice chief of staff. According to the ‘spin, the two rapped about everything that you’d expect between a longtime 12th Man and the coach of the team, and I’m willing to bet they...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

The First Terrible Patriot Tebow Merch Has Arrived

Woof. Surprised it took this long. Kind of surprised they got Flying Elvis Head to do a Tebowing pose. He always struck me as more secular than that. [via]
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

This Week In F–k You: Internships

Legal observers are claiming that a lawsuit won by unpaid interns who worked on the movie Black Swan might spell the end of unpaid internships altogether. That’s fantastic. Might I add: let’s get rid of the rest of them while we’re at it. Unpaid internships are exploitative and a massive waste of time for the intern. The thing is, paid internships might even be more insulting...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

The Broncos Cut Willis McGahee

Once you see reports like “Montee Ball getting special attention from Peyton Manning” you know that means trouble for every other running back on the Broncos roster. Especially injured ones like Willis McGahee, who is coming off the latest of many devastating leg injuries in his career. McGahee had been having a fairly productive 2012 campaign, having amassed 731 rushing yards...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

Playing With Jay Cutler Is Apparently Worth Your Balls

Wide receiver David Terrell was selected by the Bears with the eighth overall pick of the 2001 Draft. He finished his career in 2005 with a total of 128 receptions for 1,602 yards and nine touchdowns. That’s a decent season for Calvin Johnson but not terribly impressive for a five-year career. Naturally, such paltry output has lead many to call Terrell as a bust, a label he bristles...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 13, 2013  |  Discuss

The Sex Cannon Lives

From Tuesday’s report from Redskins minicamp: Rex Grossman got [Chris] Baker to jump offsides with a hard count at one point. Grossman had a little fun and celebrated by doing a dance in which he raised his hands and gyrated and ground up on Baker as the defensive lineman hung his head and walked back to the defensive huddle. Rex keeps the hard in hard count. Shanahan can’t be...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

Mount Flushmore – AFC South

Time for the AFC South,,which is ironically what i tell my ex-stepson to call his poop. Over the years this division has only won 1 Superbowl and it was against a team with a coach/qb combo of Rex Grossman and Lovie Smith which I could of won with Dallas Clark so I certainly had my pick of the litter box with this HIV-ision. Indianapolis Colt’s: Mike Vanderjagt- Mike was literally...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

Cutty Love — KSK Kontent Klearinghouse

Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari had their wedding ceremony in Nashville over the weekend. The Daily Mail came through with photos, which is helpful for the all-important task of laughing at things Cutty does. Some folks have been gagging on Cutler for having a one-day growth of face scruff at his wedding, but I have a hard time mocking him for that, and it doesn’t take much for...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

LOLNFL: Mandatory Minicamping

Image via Josh McDonnell at WaPo. Other original images via NFL
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

Cold Weather Super Bowl Means Sled Rides

The biggest drawback to the upcoming Super Bowl in New York Jersey is the inevitable bellyaching of sportswriters denied their annual vacation to a warm weather destination in the middle of winter. I’d wager most of them are rooting for the event to be a disaster just so no city other than Miami, San Diego, Phoenix or New Orleans ever gets hosting rights ever again. Never mind...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

Oh Hey, Cam Cameron Got a Super Bowl Ring

Thank you, Baltimore. twitter.com/LSUCoachCam/st… — Cam Cameron (@LSUCoachCam) June 11, 2013 Given that Cam Cameron was the Ravens’ offensive coordinator for most of last season, it wasn’t a huge shock that the team gave him a Super Bowl ring. That’s just following the usual protocol of how this sort of thing plays out. Still, that the team finally ditched Cameron after...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

Darnell Dockett Is Super Shredder

The NFL’s trillest player and KSK favorite Darnell Dockett now has a facemask to fit his general awesomeness. The ante has been upped from DeMarcus Ware’s entry in the escalating facemask wars from earlier this off-season. I’m not sure what you can do from here without adding spikes that other players can be impaled on, which might not gibe with the NFL’s safety crusade.
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 12, 2013  |  Discuss

GAWD IS ON OW-AH SIDE AGAIN!

Strange as it may sound, before this momentous signing happened, I had already been thinking about Gawd. After the Reject Soviet Sand Dahhhkies bowmbed the Marathon, I was at a lawss. My whole worldview was shaken. It felt like there was nothing good left in the world. [Gets BAHSTON STRONG airbrushed on the side of his car in Red Sox font] But when I saw MIGHTY B’S OF ICE SAWX...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

GRUDEN TALK: Jon Gruden and Herm Edwards discuss NSA data collection with David Simon

Jon: WELCOME BACK TO GRUDEN TALK, THE TALK SHOW WHERE WE DISCUSS THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY.  BANDLEADER HERM EDWARDS, DID YOU SEE THAT THE NSA HAS BEEN SPYING ON YOUR EMAILS. Herm: I HOPE THEY DON’T FIND THE EMAILS I’VE BEEN SENDING TO THE BABYSITTER. Jon: AND I HOPE THEY DON’T FIND OUT I’VE BEEN GOING TO HOOTERS GIRL UPSKIRT CAMS.  LAST WEEK THE WRITER OF THE...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

Kill Kill Kill: Fake Hippo Rescue

Poor zebra doesn’t have a friend in the world. He gets snagged by a crocodile and his whole band of buddies just bail on him. There are at least 10 zebra around. Surely as a collective they could do something about one crocodile. That’s why you never make friends with zebra. It’s a lesson I learned early in life. But what’s this? Hippos to the rescue! Hippos to save the day...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

Taiwanese Animators Tackle Tebow To The Patriots

Everyone even tangentially connected to sports is gonna have a take on Tim Tebow’s new destination in New England. The insane people at NMA Media are no different. This ******** wouldn’t quite the same without their bizarre imagery. And bizarre imagery they do deliver, with a recap of the situation that includes Bill Belichick giving Rex Ryan an atomic wedgie, Chad Johnson getting...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

Mount Flushmore – AFC West

Thanks for your submissions you guys sure do hate alot of football players and coaches which is good because it holds the National Football League to a higher standard= hate is good. Just like the real Mount Rushmore,,the AFC West is a natural wonder of a division in that I wonder why they even bother televising Chiefs Raiders twice every year. In a world filled with your Terrell...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

Ricky Williams’ New Career: Celebrity Yoga Instructor

The Longhorn Network has recently been using Texas alum Ricky Williams to promote its programming. Certainly a better choice than, say, Vince Young. Luckily, they found an ad campaign that adequately suits his whackadoo personality. Specifically, they’ve been featuring him as a yoga instructor, which is an appropriately Ricky Williams thing since that’s something he’s done...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 11, 2013  |  Discuss

Belichick Signs Tebow Just To Mess With Us

Bill Belichick was so pissed that the media said he hates Tim Tebow that he’s willing to inflict Teebs on all of us for at least one more year. So thanks media. In fact, Belichick trolling is the best way to think about this. The worst is Josh McDaniels, who is to blame for Tebow’s situation being as bad as it was in Denver, being the one to drive the team’s interest in Teebs...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 10, 2013  |  Discuss

Chad Ass Slap Dot GIF — KSK Kontent Klearinghouse

TMZ has a GIF of the ass-slap that earned Chad Johnson 30 days in jail. Gotta say, I’m disappointed that it’s such a meek little tap. If that ass slap is getting you jail time, you’d better put some English on it. Not great hustle at all. – Torrey Smith took engagement photos at M&T Bank Stadium of him doing the Ray Lewis spastic dance with his fiancee in the end zone...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 10, 2013  |  Discuss

Go Read Fred Smoot’s Reddit AMA Right Now

Some wonderful genius got Fred Smoot to agree to do an Ask Me Anything session on Reddit. It does not disappoint. Naturally, someone asked him about his double-dong involvement with the infamous Vikings sex boat of 2005. It being Smoot, he answers without reservation or filter. In fact, he introduces the world to the phenomenon that is “runnin’ through the okra patch.” We are...
Via Kissing Suzy Kolber
June 10, 2013  |  Discuss
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