Originally written on It's Always Sunny in Detroit  |  Last updated 5/15/12

On Monday afternoon, former Major League Baseball trainer Brian McNamee provided details of his direct involvement in Roger Clemens steroids usage.  Clemens is on trial at U.S. District Court for lying to Congress in 2008 about his use of performance enhancing drugs.

In total, McNamee said that he injected Clemens eight to ten times during the summer of 1998.  The former Blue Jays trainer’s statements tell the story and make it seem quite possible that the former Blue Jays pitcher’s pants were on fire when he spoke to Congress four years ago.  The statements also make me never want to be an athletic trainer.  Injecting butts isn’t cool, mmkay.

From some of these, it almost seemed like McNamee and Clemens were dating.

“He asked me if I was free that night,” said McNamee, who was living in a portion of Clemens’ suite at the SkyDome Hotel. “I knew what he was asking.  When I got there, Roger had the needle, gauze, the alcohol all set up in his bathroom (laid out) on a towel. … (The steroids) looked like skim milk. It was liquid, not a powder but a powdery white. … I irrigated the buttocks. I injected him. It looked like it was a clean strike. … I continued to inject him. (The next time) was very soon after because of the regimen (required) by that drug.”"

“It was in the Tampa Bay Rays clubhouse on a getaway day.  Everyone was scrambling around to pack their bags. Roger set it up in like a utility closet … I shut the door. I kept one foot on the door so no one could open it while I was injecting Roger.”

And the last, but far from least.  In fact, the last and absolute best – McNamee said Clemens told him that when he was at the University of Texas he didn’t want to take a shot in the thigh.

“He asked me if I could help him out with a booty shot,” McNamee said.

I think Clemens’ team’s best defense is that McNamee is a bitter ex-lover who took the break up way too harshly.  How else would you explain one man “irrigating” another’s buttocks?

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