Originally written on Five Tool Tool  |  Last updated 7/24/13
Picture in color and everything Today in Chicago, the Cubs won final approval for a $500 renovation to the 99-year-old ballpark. What will the money buy? > Nearly enough sawdust to cover the smell of vomit and pee from the bleachers > A state of the art Jumbotron for Cubs fans to enjoy exciting MLB action, which is to say, the out of town games > A weed wacker to finally fix that wall problem > A retrofit of the plumbing system to bring it all the way up to 1950s code > A down payment on the intricate series of bribes required to do anything in Chicago > Twice the space for the current clubhouse, which is sorely needed to accommodate the throngs of media personnel covering Cub games > Changing the lights to LEDs for those night games that are an offense against God > Stronger nets to catch the concrete falling from the upper deck > Big screens to ruin life for the rooftop neighbors > Bigger lawyers for the inevitable legal fight from the roof...
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