Roger Clemens and Karl Malone: Meet Chris Hansen

Holy mother of god…did I really need more reason to want to take Karl Malone and Roger Clemen's nuts and churn them in a barrel of butter like my old Grand-Mammy did to my pappy when he got caught screwing the town cow? As I reported the other day, Roger Clemens pretty much put his wiener in and around the mouth region of Mindy McCready when she was 15 or so…. I also reported that Karl Malone fathered Buffalo Bills player Demetrius Bell…however…what I didn't report was Bell's mother was 13 at the time of the pregnancy. Which, by my calculations would make her…12 at the time of the episode. *phone rings* Uh, yes, hi, Karl Malone isn't here right now…can I take a message? Who? Statutory Rape? Okay, I'll leave a message for him Mr. Statutory Rape. I can't blame all of this on the Mailman though. I mean, I did hear Stockton picked her…than Malone rolled her. :| Goodnight. I'll be here all week.