Remember how everyone thought Penn State’s football team would crumble and the program would be better off in I-AA? Yeah, well big things are happening. Sure, there is the 6-3 record, but there is also Maria Valentino parading around campus. Who is Ms. Valentino? Oh, she’s just a socialite with 135,000 Twitter followers who parties around the world.
John V. emailed us last night with an urgent message:
Penn State Quarterback Steven Bench is reportedly dating model Maria Valentino. People are making a big deal about it on and off campus because she is older and high profile and hes just a frehsman back up. theres pics and **** on their twitter accts(.)
Of course we went sniffing. What smacked us in the face was the chest that Valentino drags around the world. How the hell? Real? Doubt it.
Here’s what we found on this great rumor on the Penn State campus:
1. Valentino has been on the Penn State campus twice this fall.
2. Her sister, @JacklynAdelene, is hot and a freshman.
3. The sister, as you would suspect, gets to know some football players pretty quickly.
4. Valentino comes to visit her sister for a weekend of partying and whatnot. For example:
5. Steven Bench hits the freshman motherlode and befriends Valentino.
6. Bench spends Halloween with Valentino and risks injury to give her a special ride.
7. Valentino takes quite an interest in young Steven Bench. For example, she favorited this:
8. The Bench-Valentino leads have since gone dry.
BC Expert Analysis:
There’s a 90% chance Bench has motorboated those Happy Valleys; 43% chance he’s gone to happy town with Valentino. It’s our opinion they’re not dating. Look, Penn Staters, as much as we’d love to be the site breaking the big news that a Penn State freshman is dating a famous socialite, let’s be realistic about this situation.
Valentino visits for weekends, parties and goes home to wherever where there are rich guys to flirt with. She finds time for these college weekends because it’s fun to hit house parties and show the cleav for 19-year-old QBs.
If Bench is suddenly vacationing in the French Riviera with Valentino over winter break, we’ll apologize. Let’s just remain calm about the situation and hope she mistakenly ends up in a Penn State sex tape. At this point this is the best news to come out of Happy Valley in years. Roll with it.
Do you know something about Team Bench-Valentino that we don’t? Were you doing beer bongs with Valentino and have a cool story for us?
Filed under: Football