Originally written on The Belly of the Beast  |  Last updated 11/14/14
By now, you've read about the four Alabama football players charged with various crimes related to beating a fellow student unconscious, stealing student debit cards and credit cards, and using the cards to buy snacks from a vending machine in a campus dorm.  If you haven't read about it, it was as expertly planned and executed as you might think. Alabama athletic director Mal Moore released a statement that essentially said YOU MORONS STAGGERINGLY UNBELIEVABLE MORONS, and Nick Saban has handed all four players indefinite suspensions.  Saban did not go into great detail in his statement, most likely because he was reviewing film of all the second down plays from the last five Octobers and hasn't heard all the details, but he has already ordered a measure to prevent this business from happening again. Saban is known "The Process," which is the guide he uses to collect national championships.  One of the pillars of The Process is that you never let something beat you twice.  You correct the mistakes that lead to your failures, whether it was losing the game or allowing a 3rd and 11 conversion with 56 seconds to go in the game while up 49-0. Since Saban's players were ultimately undone by using stolen debit and credit cards at a dorm vending machine, he has set out to make sure vending machines don't beat him twice.  As of noon today, he has removed all vending machines from Alabama's dorms and replaced them with these: These new machines have a three-pronged effect.  One, no one will ever put money in them.  Two, no more unhealthy food for his players.  And three, Nick Saban is always watching, but if you do decide to play, they make a pretty nice stocking stuffer for the rabid Alabama fan in your life.
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

Report: Pats employee taking footballs into bathroom on video

Greg Anthony caught offering $80 to undercover officer for sex

Robert Kraft wants apology from NFL if nothing found

NFL may be very close to returning to Los Angeles

Report: Kobe definitely returning next season

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

Report: Yankees don't want to pay A-Rod home run bonuses

Browner wants Patriots to injure Sherman, Thomas

Report: Rams, other teams interested in Nick Foles

Tom Brady: 'My feelings got hurt' in Deflategate controversy

Odell Beckham Jr. says he played with two hamstring tears

Pete Carroll empathizes with Belichick, Pats in Deflategate

Six best Super Bowl coaches of all-time

Five key matchups for Super Bowl XLIX

Early B1G predictions for 2015

Remembering Ernie Banks

Allenby rang up $3,400 strip club bill on night of 'kidnapping'

Brady's dad: QB's relationship with Pats 'will end badly'

WATCH: Skittles Super Bowl commercial looks ridiculous

The five best Super Bowl defenses of all time

Mark Brunell explains why he got emotional over Deflategate

NFL was profiting off Marshawn Lynch's crotch grab

NFL finally getting its own YouTube channel

20 most amazing stats in Super Bowl history

College Football News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Six best Super Bowl coaches of all-time

Five key matchups for Super Bowl XLIX

Early Big Ten predictions for 2015

Remembering Ernie Banks

Pats employee took footballs into restroom?

Report: Kobe not retiring

More questions about Allenby's story

Yanks don't want to pay A-Rod bonuses

Looking back at Super Bowls 1-48

Super Bowl MVPs through the years

The five best Super Bowl defenses

Burnell explains why he got emotional

Today's Best Stuff
For Bloggers

Join the Yardbarker Network for more promotion, traffic, and money.

Company Info
Help
What is Yardbarker?

Yardbarker is the largest network of sports blogs and pro athlete blogs on the web. This site is the hub of the Yardbarker Network, where our editors and algorithms curate the best sports content from our network and beyond.