Originally posted on The Belly of the Beast  |  Last updated 2/12/13
By now, you've read about the four Alabama football players charged with various crimes related to beating a fellow student unconscious, stealing student debit cards and credit cards, and using the cards to buy snacks from a vending machine in a campus dorm.  If you haven't read about it, it was as expertly planned and executed as you might think. Alabama athletic director Mal Moore released a statement that essentially said YOU MORONS STAGGERINGLY UNBELIEVABLE MORONS, and Nick Saban has handed all four players indefinite suspensions.  Saban did not go into great detail in his statement, most likely because he was reviewing film of all the second down plays from the last five Octobers and hasn't heard all the details, but he has already ordered a measure to prevent this business from happening again. Saban is known "The Process," which is the guide he uses to collect national championships.  One of the pillars of The Process is that you never let something beat you twice.  You correct the mistakes that lead to your failures, whether it was losing the game or allowing a 3rd and 11 conversion with 56 seconds to go in the game while up 49-0. Since Saban's players were ultimately undone by using stolen debit and credit cards at a dorm vending machine, he has set out to make sure vending machines don't beat him twice.  As of noon today, he has removed all vending machines from Alabama's dorms and replaced them with these: These new machines have a three-pronged effect.  One, no one will ever put money in them.  Two, no more unhealthy food for his players.  And three, Nick Saban is always watching, but if you do decide to play, they make a pretty nice stocking stuffer for the rabid Alabama fan in your life.
MORE FROM YARDBARKER:
The Best Names in College Football for 2016
GET THE YARDBARKER APP:
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45
MORE FROM YARDBARKER

The NFL is thinking about eliminating the preseason

Romo expected to miss 6-10 weeks with broken bone in back

Kaepernick explains why he is protesting national anthem

Dwyane Wade’s cousin shot and killed in Chicago

NFL tries to reduce kick returns, promptly causes more kick returns

LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
GET THE DAILY NEWSLETTER:

San Francisco Giants inching closer to a record they really don’t want

Clint Dempsey undergoing testing for irregular heartbeat

Troubling details emerge from Jeremy Jeffress' DWI arrest

Chargers would welcome Joey Bosa if he signed contract

Falcons rookie Keanu Neal needs surgery on knee

Jerry Jones unhappy with Ezekiel Elliott's dispensary visit

Heading into the homestretch: 2016 ROY favorites

Premier League notebook: The love affair at Man U

One Gotta Go: NFL legends talking comedians is no joke

It's all about timing: The evolution of the clock in sports

Predicting the unpredictable: Your MTV VMAs rundown

10 great moments in the career of Roberto Duran

Marshall’s first impression of Fitzpatrick: ‘He was terrible’

One Gotta Go: NFL legends bring the hate for fast food

What you need to know about the Champions League draw

Six worst quarterback situations in the NFL

Can the San Francisco Giants bust their teamwide slump?

A look at 2016 college football conference changes

College Football News
Delivered to your inbox
You'll also receive Yardbarker's daily Top 10, featuring the best sports stories from around the web. Customize your newsletter to get articles on your favorite sports and teams. And the best part? It's free!

By clicking "Sign Me Up", you have read and agreed to the Fox Sports Digital Privacy Policy and Terms of Use. You can opt out at any time. For more information, please see our Privacy Policy.
the YARDBARKER app
Get it now!
Ios_download En_app_rgb_wo_45

Premier League notebook: The love affair at Man U

Heading into the homestretch: 2016 ROY favorites

One Gotta Go: NFL legends talking comedians is no joke

It's all about timing: The evolution of the clock in sports

Predicting the unpredictable: Your MTV VMAs rundown

10 great moments in the career of Roberto Duran

The 20 best boxing movies of all time

One Gotta Go: NFL legends bring the hate for fast food

What you need to know about the Champions League draw

Can the San Francisco Giants bust their teamwide slump?

Today's Best Stuff
For Publishers
Company Info
Help
Follow Yardbarker