Originally written on World Series Dreaming  |  Last updated 11/18/14
The 2013 Cubs Convention is this weekend, and you can check out the schedule and the list of invitees that unfortunately (to me, at least) does not include a certain former Cub.  For those of you who can’t go, please follow the WSD Twitter (check the sidebar to follow) and our forum thread where most of the news will end up once stories and updates are ready.  There is also a live stream of the Opening Ceremony if you want to check it out in the forum thread.  The Choose Your Own Cubs Adventure meme has worked a couple times before, so let’s bring it out of the mothballs again for another go as you wait for the Cubs Convention to begin…   World Series Dreaming Publishing Presents You Are At the Cubs Convention In this adventure, you are a Cubs fan who decided to acquire a pass to the 2013 Cubs Convention.  You have the schedule in hand and are waiting to figure out what you want to do after the Opening Ceremony as you do your World Series Dreaming Mad Libs.   Oooh, pretty. As the time approaches to make your way to the lovely new venue in downtown Chicago, you go over your various options.   Are you staying at the hotel or shuttling in? If you decide to go all out and just stay at the hotel, click here. If you just decide to come out to the city by bus, click here. If you’d rather just stay home instead of paying for the day pass, click here. Fire hazard in progress. You are at the hotel, and it’s still several hours before the Opening Ceremony. You still have time to mill around and maybe go out and take a nice walk along the river. Or you can wait in line for all that time while talking to other fellow meatball fans who want the best view of the podium where Pat Hughes talks and introduces every player.   Feel like waiting? If you decide to tough it out for the best view, click here. If you decide to make better use of your time, click here.   Cliche, cliche, another cliche, and so forth. . The Opening Ceremony was a rousing rendition of rah-rah and Cubs-themed propaganda as always. Even if the team sucks this season, at least you’ll still feel great today. Friday isn’t packed with too much more than the opening pep rally, but Saturday has events all over the place from autographs to informational sessions. Now’s your chance to figure out what to do all day.   What is first on your agenda? If you feel like listening to what Tom Ricketts and his family have to say, click here. If you’d rather listen to some random prospects you’ve never heard of talk about how awesome life is in Tennessee, click here. If you decide to hang out with Theo Epstein and Dale Sveum, click here. If you want to sit in line and try to snag an autograph, click here. If you decide to be a kid, click here. If you want to find out how they plan to desecrate Wrigley Field, click here. . . . Most triumphant! You have decided to go up to the microphone and ask a question of the distinguished panelists.  This question could be the catalyst for increasing your reputation points amongst your fellow Cubs fans, or it could set you up for a razzing.   What will you ask? If you suggest a player to be invited to the next Convention, click here. If you want a Wrigley improvement, click here. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You sit and listen to the Ricketts’ speech about how they’re the biggest Cubs fans in the world for the millionth time since they bought the team. Seriously, nothing’s changed. You should’ve gone to play in the batting cages or gone to build Legos with Nate Schierholtz. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You elect to see what the Cubs have decided to do with Wrigley Field if they can ever get the mayor to talk to them again. There’s some stuff about more LED boards around the park, maybe a new hotel here or there, but nothing too imminent just yet. Maybe next year. The Cubs staffers ask the fans for input and you see the requisite 90-year-old curmudgeon screech about tradition and preserving Wrigley’s crappiness while beating the young whippersnappers who want a Jumbotron with his walker. Fun times! Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Upset that the Cubs still have not extended a welcome back to one of your favorite players (YES HE IS DAMMIT), you ask whether they would consider it for the next Convention. There is an awkward silence as the staffers glance at each other trying to think of a diplomatic response, while the crowd slowly rabbles and murmurs something about playing the game right and grittiness. Finally Tom Ricketts speaks and says they will take this into consideration. Good enough, and you plan to keep asking this again next year. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You decide to check in to the snazzy new hotel that the Cubs moved their Convention to. So you don’t have to deal with lugging around suitcases and crap while waiting for the fun to start, you decide to check in on Thursday. That night you bump into Rick Sutcliffe and Keith Moreland and end up having an all night rager in Zonk’s room. You wake up on the first day of the Convention with a nasty hangover but with Sutcliffe’s autograph tattooed on your ass, so it wasn’t a complete loss. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You decide that it might be more fun to pick up some autographs and pictures with wandering players and staff than to wait in line to get a few feet closer to the action. While you are walking around, you bump into Rick Sutcliffe and Milt Pappas. Rick challenges you to a game of pool while Milt tells you of the time he got hosed out of a perfect game because the umpires were blind. Rick suddenly looks at his watch and says “Oh ****!” and ushers you and Milt back to the Opening Ceremony. You arrive a minute before the doors open and are still able to get a good view, and now you have a story to tell the grandkids. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . h/t People of the CTA . . You figure you live close enough to downtown that you can use the CTA to get to the Convention. What you forgot was that this would mean you would have to use the CTA. After wading through a mass of body odor, riff-raff and navigating two demilitarized zones, you finally get to the hotel. Maybe next time you’ll just stay there after having a friend drop you off so you can avoid the CTA completely. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You decide to see what the latest crop of minor leaguers (who were threatened with termination or perpetual banishment to Boise if they didn’t do this) have to say. Looks like you get Dallas Beeler, Matt Szczur, Robert Whitenack and Tony Zych, and you have no idea who these guys are. They talk about bus trips and conditioning and being so happy to be part of the Cubs, but you can almost see them dying a little bit on the inside because they’d rather be in Arizona getting ready for spring training. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You decide to hang out with the few people in line four hours before the staff will let you into the main auditorium where all the players and staff will be introduced. Hooray for propaganda. Then you notice over the next two or three hours that nobody is actually around still. You start to feel very hungry and are ready to digest your own stomach but fear that you will lose your spot in line, although even if you left for five minutes and got a slice of cardboard pizza you’d still be able to get a good spot in the room when the time comes. Finally the doors open and you get your spot, but then you notice that some people who got in line just a few minutes ago are barely two rows behind you. You file this information for future Convention trips as you try hard not to collapse from hunger and fatigue. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Once again, you listen to Theo Epstein talk about how every season is sacred and how their goal is the postseason, and you hear Dale Sveum talking about how the Cubs will contend. All the while you wonder what special herbs they put in their tea or cookies this time to be so deluded. The Cubs are in a rebuild, and you know this. But you feel great anyway. Propaganda! Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . It might be because you caught a cold and didn’t feel up to it. It might be because you realized that you’d rather pay your mortgage than use all that money you were going to spend at the Convention on frivolous items and memorabilia. It might be because you realize that whatever they’ll say at the seminars will be streamed on Comcast or tweeted within an hour by some blogger or media guy anyway. Or maybe you just hate people. Either way, you probably missed out on a hell of a party, but at least you’re going to be warm in your own bed. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jeez, don’t you people sleep? . You decide to go trolling for autographs, and bump into a few random Cubs like Ernie Banks who are nice enough to sign your baseball for free. Unfortunately when you get to the booths you have to shell out $20 or more a pop for autographs. Then you try to get in line for some big name autographs, but some of them are way too long and others require you to commandeer someone’s child because it’s for “kids only”. You do come away with some nice mementos and autographs but now your wallet is empty and you can’t buy lunch. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You ask the Cubs whether they would consider putting up a Jumbotron where that god-awful Toyota sign is now. There is an audible gasp in the crowd and you hear a faint *THUD* as several old people and traditionalists faint at your blasphemy. That was hilarious. You promise yourself you’ll ask this again next year. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . You figure that every media figure or blogger will have most of the seminar stuff up in a couple hours anyway, so you decide to check out the random activities. You get to learn how to throw a baseball for a strike and learn batting stances and mechanics in the batting cages. You get to build Legos with Cubs players and Jed Hoyer. You even get to play “MLB The Show” with Matt Garza. You decide to try this again next year. Maybe you’ll get to play Cubs Bingo with Giancarlo Stanton after he demands a trade to the Cubs. Click here to continue. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   Guess it’s time to plan for next year, but first…spring training! Yeah! The End – Click to start over!
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