I Have a Mancrush on Howie Kendrick

It all started innocently enough. A few years ago, I started hearing about this kid in the Angels minor league system. I was told he was pretty handy with the woo, er...bat. A future major league batting champ, the experts told me. Teams started putting in calls to the Angels asking about Kendrick. They were waving Johan Santana, Miguel Cabrera, even pictures of GM Bill Stoneman in his underwear to pry Kendrick away from the Halos. Stoneman wouldn't budge. There's still no indication of whether those pictures are the real reason Stoneman handed the reigns over Tony Reagins before the 2008 season. Howie graduated from the minor leagues with a career batting average over .400. Then he entered into the Major Leagues, and into my heart. In 2006, he hit .285 with 21 doubles, 4 homers, and 30 RBI in 72 games. In 2007, he hit .322 with 24 doubles, 5 homers, and 39 RBI in 88 games. I was sold on Howie. I bought his autographed baseball from Ebay. I was devastated when someone else took him off the boards in fantasy baseball. But don't worry. He will be mine. Oh yes, he will be mine. This year, Howie hurt his hamstring after only 10 games (Howie, if you need an amateur masseuse, call me...). He was hitting .500 with 5 doubles and a triple. Howie's on his way back, however, playing some rehab ball for Single-A Rancho Cucamonga. Yesterday, he went 3 for 3 with 2 homeruns. I love it when he does that. My predictions for Howie's career? He will be baseball's first career .600 hitter. He will annihilate Barry Bond's home run record with 983 dingers. He will drive in 4,700 runs, in honor of his jersey number (HK-47 - you're so witty, Howie!). While he's at it, he will cure AIDS, cancer, and diabetes in the offseason. He will also be found vacationing - with me - in the Bahamas...which he will have bought.